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Let's Pretend This Never Happened
- A Mostly True Memoir
- Narrated by: Jenny Lawson
- Length: 8 hrs and 41 mins
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Publisher's summary
Audie Award Nominee, Humor, 2013
For fans of Tina Fey and David Sedaris - Internet star Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess, makes her literary debut.
Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives - the ones we'd like to pretend never happened - are in fact the ones that define us. In Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes listeners on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor.
Chapters include: "Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel", "A Series of Angry Post-It Notes to My Husband", "My Vagina Is Fine. Thanks for Asking", and "And Then I Snuck a Dead Cuban Alligator on an Airplane".
Featured Article: The Best Audiobooks for Soothing Anxiety
The care of family, friends, and a trusted therapist, practicing mindfulness, engaging in calming hobbies like yoga, journaling, walking in nature, or listening to music—these are just a few of the strategies that can ease the overwhelm. We’ve handpicked some of the best audiobooks that can soothe the symptoms of anxiety, break patterns of negative or unhealthy thought, and help ground or comfort you when things get tough.
Editor's Pick
Alas, poor Jenny…
"Just like the taxidermized, Yorick-like mouse on the cover, Let's Pretend This Never Happened is awkward, weird, and hilarious—as is the writer, Jenny Lawson, of The Bloggess fame. Her narration, too, makes this listen truly sing—quite literally when she belts out the chapter titles like a manic, singsong opera star. The whole package is so genuine and vulnerable that I frequently laughed to the point of tears as she regaled her experiences dealing with anxiety, depression, and social missteps. This is a title that could only be written by Lawson herself."
—Sean T., Audible Editor
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Kenya Curtis is only eight years old, but she knows that she's different, even if she can't put her finger on how or why. It's not because she's black - most of the other students in the fourth-grade class at her West Philadelphia elementary school are, too. Maybe it's because she calls her father - a housepainter-slash-philosopher - "Baba" or because her parents' friends gather to pour out libations "from the Creator, for the Martyrs" and discuss "the community".
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Loved It!!!
- By ayodele higgs on 05-20-15
By: Asali Solomon
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In Search of Cleo
- How I Found My Pussy and Lost My Mind
- By: Gina Gershon
- Narrated by: Gina Gershon
- Length: 3 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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In Search of Cleo follows Gina’s desperation and despair when her assistant loses her beloved cat, Cleo. Gina spends two months roaming the back streets of Los Angeles at all hours of the night, searching for Cleo and meeting several quirky and outrageous characters who help or hinder her in different ways, including Ellen DeGeneres, who searches with Gina and recommends her pet psychic, Sonia; Arthur, the newspaper delivery man who gives her advice; and the mysterious fortune-teller....
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Loved it!!!
- By Kathryn Prusick Gould on 03-15-16
By: Gina Gershon
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May We Be Forgiven
- By: A. M. Homes
- Narrated by: Andy Paris
- Length: 20 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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May We Be Forgiven, a darkly comic novel of 21st-century domestic life, stars Harold Silver, a historian who's always been jealous of his successful brother, George. But when the hot-tempered George is institutionalized for committing a violent act, Harold finds himself comforting his brother's wife and children. What follows is a scathing examination of a family so fractured it may never be whole again.
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Give this one a try!
- By JWB on 02-13-13
By: A. M. Homes
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Stories I'd Tell in Bars
- By: Jen Lancaster
- Narrated by: Jen Lancaster, John Fletcher
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Older, but not wiser, Lancaster goes back to basics in this hilarious essay collection about everything from taking community policing classes to accidentally getting high with her waiter after a fancy dinner. These are the tales she'd tell if she met you in a bar... if she weren't too lazy to put on pants and go to a bar. Offering advice ranging from how to remain happily married to a man who refuses to blow his damn nose already to not creating An Incident at the cheese counter during an attempt at Whole30, she's you, only louder.
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self absorbed
- By D D H on 06-15-19
By: Jen Lancaster
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A Necessary End: A Novel
- By: Holly Brown
- Narrated by: Khristine Hvam, James Patrick Cronin
- Length: 12 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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At nineteen Leah bears a remarkable resemblance to the young woman Adrienne once was. Which is why Adrienne knows the baby Leah is carrying is meant to be hers. But Leah's got ideas of her own: Her baby's going to get a life in California; why shouldn't she? All she wants is to live in Adrienne's house for a year after the baby's born and get a fresh start. It seems like a small price for Adrienne to pay to get their baby. And with Gabe suddenly onboard, what could possibly go wrong?
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Long time audible listener.
- By Cherith DuBois on 07-11-15
By: Holly Brown
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The Hour I First Believed
- A Novel
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 25 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When high-school teacher Caelum Quirk and his wife, Maureen, move to Littleton, Colorado, they both get jobs at Columbine High School. In April 1999, while Caelum is away, Maureen finds herself in the library at Columbine, cowering in a cabinet and expecting to be killed. Miraculously, she survives. But when Caelum and Maureen flee to an illusion of safety on the Quirk family's Connecticut farm, they discover that the effects of chaos are not easily put right.
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excellent all around yarn
- By G. on 01-10-09
By: Wally Lamb
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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The World's Largest Man
- A Memoir
- By: Harrison Scott Key
- Narrated by: Harrison Scott Key
- Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Harrison Scott Key was born in Memphis, but he grew up in Mississippi, among pious, Bible-reading women and men who either shot things or got women pregnant. At the center of his world was his larger-than-life father - a hunter, a fighter, and a football coach. Harrison, with his love of books and excessive interest in hugging, couldn't have been less like Pop, and when it became clear that he was not able to kill anything very well or otherwise make his father happy, he resolved to become everything his father was not.
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I laughed every day to and from work. Loved it!
- By KufRN on 06-06-18
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Get Lucky
- By: Katherine Center
- Narrated by: Morgan Hallett
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Filled with wit and heart, Get Lucky by Katherine Center explores the deep bonds of sisterhood. Sarah Harper’s whole world revolved around her job at a New York advertising agency before an email snafu got her fired. Now she’s seeking refuge at her sister Mackie’s home in Houston. But Mackie, who’s unable to get pregnant, is also down-and-out these days. So Sarah decides to do something good and becomes a surrogate mother.
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Good story.
- By joan hammontree on 01-17-24
By: Katherine Center
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You're Better than Me
- A Memoir
- By: Bonnie McFarlane
- Narrated by: Bonnie McFarlane, Alexander Cendese
- Length: 7 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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In the spirit of Mindy Kaling, Kelly Oxford, and Sarah Silverman, a compulsively listenable and outrageously funny memoir of growing up as a fish out of water, finding your voice, and embracing your inner crazy person from popular actress, writer, and comedian Bonnie McFarlane.
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Sandy!!! She wrote a book...it's crazy, a book!!!
- By Jonathan Placek on 03-02-16
By: Bonnie McFarlane
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An Abundance of Katherines
- By: John Green
- Narrated by: Jeff Woodman
- Length: 6 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
When it comes to relationships, Colin Singleton’s type is girls named Katherine. And when it comes to girls named Katherine, Colin is always getting dumped. Nineteen times, to be exact. On a road trip miles from home, this anagram-happy, washed-up child prodigy has $10,000 in his pocket, a bloodthirsty feral hog on his trail, and an overweight, Judge Judy-loving best friend riding shotgun - but no Katherines.
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struggled to finish listening
- By Daniel on 03-11-20
By: John Green
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Everything Is Awful
- And Other Observations
- By: Matt Bellassai
- Narrated by: Matt Bellassai
- Length: 6 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
From the break-out star of BuzzFeed and the People's Choice Award-winning comedian comes a collection of hilariously anguished essays chronicling awful moments from his life so far, the humiliations of being an adult, and other little indignities. Matt Bellassai has no idea what he's doing. Well, to be fair, he did become semi-Internet famous by getting drunk at work, making him a socially-acceptable - nay - professional alcoholic. He's got some things figured out. But the rest is all just a terrible, disgusting mess.
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Best Audio Book I’ve heard ever.
- By M on 11-23-17
By: Matt Bellassai
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I Can Barely Take Care of Myself
- Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids
- By: Jen Kirkman
- Narrated by: Jen Kirkman
- Length: 6 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
"You'll change your mind." That's what everyone says to Jen Kirkman - and countless women like her - when she confesses she doesn't plan to have children. But you know what? It's hard enough to be an adult. You have to dress yourself and pay bills and remember to buy birthday gifts. You have to drive and get annual physicals and tip for good service. Some adults take on the added burden of caring for a tiny human being with no language skills or bladder control.
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Funny. Not fall down laughing funny, but funny
- By david on 05-22-13
By: Jen Kirkman
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Laurie Zaleski never aspired to run an animal rescue; that was her mother Annie’s dream. But from girlhood, Laurie was determined to make the dream come true. Thirty years later as a successful businesswoman, she did it, buying a 15-acre farm deep in the Pinelands of South Jersey. She was planning to relocate Annie and her caravan of ragtag rescues - horses and goats, dogs and cats, chickens and pigs - when Annie died, just two weeks before moving day. In her heartbreak, Laurie resolved to make her mother’s dream her own.
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Introducing Laurie Notaro, the leader of the Idiot Girls' Action-Adventure Club. Every day she fearlessly rises from bed to defeat the evil machinations of dolts, dimwits, and creepy boyfriends - and that's before she even puts on a bra. For the past 10 years, Notaro has been entertaining Phoenix newspaper readers with her wildly amusing autobiographical exploits and unique life experiences.
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A Street Cat Named Bob
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When street musician James Bowen found an injured cat curled up in the hallway of his apartment building, he had no idea how much his life was about to change. James was living hand to mouth on the streets of London, barely making enough money to feed himself - the last thing he needed was a pet. Yet, James couldn't resist helping the strikingly intelligent, but very sick animal, whom he named Bob. He slowly nursed Bob back to health and then sent the cat on his way, never imagining that he would see him again. But Bob had other ideas.
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Three Cheers for Bob and James!
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From the founder of That’s Inappropriate - one of the most popular parenting blogs on the web - comes a hilarious, genuine, and relatable essay collection on the ups and downs of motherhood. Now, Meredith shares her collection of witty essays on the universal frustrations of being a mom in today’s world, presenting her laugh-out-loud perspective on sex, aging, anxiety, friendship, and much more.
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Having Trouble Getting Over the F*** Word
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Sorry I'm Late, I Didn't Want to Come
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What would happen if a shy introvert lived like a gregarious extrovert for one year? If she knowingly and willingly put herself in perilous social situations that she’d normally avoid at all costs? Writer Jessica Pan intends to find out. With the help of various extrovert mentors, Jessica sets up a series of personal challenges (talk to strangers, perform stand-up comedy, host a dinner party, travel alone, make friends on the road, and much, much worse) to explore whether living like an extrovert can teach her lessons that might improve the quality of her life.
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Encouraging memoir: Sorry, cheer
- By Aaron Menz on 07-03-23
By: Jessica Pan
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I Was Told There'd Be Cake
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Crosley can do no right despite the best of intentions-or perhaps because of them. Together, these essays create a startlingly funny and revealing portrait of a complex and utterly recognizable character that's aiming for the stars but hits the ceiling and the inimitable city that has helped shape who she is. I Was Told There'd Be Cake introduces a strikingly original voice, chronicling the struggles and unexpected beauty of modern urban life.
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So self-involved
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By: Sloane Crosley
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Running with Scissors
- A Memoir
- By: Augusten Burroughs
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Overall
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Running with Scissors is the true story of a boy whose mother (a poet with delusions of being Anne Sexton) gave him away to be raised by her psychiatrist, a dead ringer for Santa and a lunatic in the bargain.
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NOT what I was expecting
- By Art H on 04-25-03
What listeners say about Let's Pretend This Never Happened
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Ellie
- 06-14-16
A great laugh!
Would you listen to Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) again? Why?
Possibly, it was just THAT good
What other book might you compare Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) to and why?
Can't think of any, it felt quite unique to me
What about Jenny Lawson’s performance did you like?
I always love it when an author reads their memoir, it feels a lot more personal
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Possibly, depending on my mood when starting
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- Hannah B
- 01-26-17
The funniest thing I've heard in a long time
You will love this book but be prepared for people on the train to give you strange looks when you laugh out loud in public uncontrollably... and then pee yourself. Oh, just me?
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- Clever_Witmaker
- 07-10-15
Funniest Audiobook Ever!
I laughed out loud so many times I lost count. Jenny is an hilarious storyteller!
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- tami
- 07-10-13
IF THIS BOOK WERE A PERSON I WOULD Sleep with it!
Where does Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
Top 10 i did not want it to end.
What other book might you compare Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) to and why?
My mother was nuts. By Penny Marshall
Which scene was your favorite?
When she was stabed by the chicken.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?
To Damn funny to care if it's true!
Any additional comments?
SO IN LOVE WITH THIS BOOK!!
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- Sara Oorlog
- 10-09-12
The best I've read in a long time!
If you could sum up Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) in three words, what would they be?
Hilarious, deep and personal
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
This book takes you everywhere, I laughed like crazy and I shed some tears.
Any additional comments?
I absolutely recommend this book, it's simply awesome. Jenny is a very talented storyteller.
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- Sarah
- 03-09-13
Absolutely Hysterical ! I highly recommend!!!
Where does Let's Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
It was the second book I ever listened to on tape and I am hooked!! I wish it was my first since I wasn't a fan of the first. This was so funny it made up for it.
What did you like best about this story?
Her candid moments were as if it was a glimpse into a life so funny it has to be true. It makes you want to have a friend like Jenny.
What does Jenny Lawson bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?
Her quirky tone, it brought a lot to the experience.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
Jenny is 'that' friend, the one that makes you question your own views and laugh when you realize shes being real.
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- Alexandria
- 11-15-17
The Best Audiobook Ever
Jenny Lawson is hilarious! Listening to this audiobook allowed me to reflect and find comfort in my own abnormal childhood growing up. It reminds me to not always take life so seriously, you can laugh at things along the way and it will make life so much more enjoyable. Thank you Jenny Lawson for sharing your story with the world!
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-24-17
funniest book I have ever listened to!
I absolutely love this book!
I usually listen to audiobooks before going to sleep but I couldn't do that with this one. I kept laughing and snorting so loudly that my kid would wake up.
This is one of my favourite audiobooks!
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- KnitChick84
- 04-19-16
How much do I love Jenny Lawson?
So much. I love her so very much. Like, I laughed till I peed my pants more than once, and it's like listening to the love child of my inner dialogue and my best friend (who is also from Texas). So funny, smart, clever, and even touching.
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- BookLuvr
- 06-09-12
LOVED IT!!!
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
I would absolutely recommend this audiobook to a friend and already have had 2 friends download it to listen to. By nature I'm a reader not a listener but I knew I'd be going on a couple of long driving trips so I wanted to try it. I checked the reviews and found that most people said that having Jenny read her own story was so much better than reading it in print. They were SOOOOO right!!!! There were times I had to pull over the car b/c I was laughing too hard to pay attention to the road but it was so worth it. I've also found that it's just as good listening a second time! That's my kind of book!
Who was your favorite character and why?
I think one of my favorite characters would have to be Jenny's father! He's just so funny in the things he does. A close second would be Jenny's husband Victor. But Jenny above all else was just IT!
Have you listened to any of Jenny Lawson’s other performances before? How does this one compare?
I had never even heard of Jenny Lawson prior to seeing someone on Facebook share her blog one day and thank god they did......I've been laughing ever since!
If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
You're never going to believe what happened to me today.....
Any additional comments?
Please Jenny write more!!! I can't wait to hear more. I'm now following your blog and loving it every day!!! Wish I had more time to read through all the older ones!
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