Showing results by narrator "Georgia Bird" in All Categories

Jane is hoping to enjoy a nice dinner with her friend Brenna, but as soon as the night begins a conflict arises. Near the restaurant is a sad, lonesome T-Rex with a sign that says “debate me” rambling on and on about everything from "cancel culture" to “woke Stars War”. Fortunately, Jane and Brenna find the perfect solution to this strange dinosaur: They just ignore him. Can they maintain this self-imposed distance from the T-Rex who can’t stop proclaiming facts are better than feelings in this no sex tingler? The answer is yes, because this T-Rex is horrible. 

Michelle loves farmer’s markets, and is excited to learn about a mysterious night gathering that takes place before every full moon in the swamp outside of town. It’s difficult to find, but once Michelle arrives, she quickly discovers this isn’t your typical farmer’s market; it’s a market for witches. When Michelle stumbles upon the honey booth of a living tractor apiarist, she’s immediately smitten by the beautiful witch named Willa. Now Willa is inviting Michelle to try some honey at her hut in the woods, but is this really all just some kind of hedonistic sexual ritual?

Marge and her sentient log friend, Cole, have noticed a stranger at the local diner in Twin Cheeks, but they’re still curious what brings this beautiful T-Rex to their small town. Further investigation reveals this mysterious stranger to be Agent Hale Boober, a dinosaur tasked with seeking out the best cherry pie in Washington State every 25 years. Boober is almost finished with her quest, but there’s one slice left to taste. Unfortunately, the final cherry pie lies between worlds, in a mysterious location known only as The Snack Lodge.

Mona is on trial, and she’s absolutely terrified. After saying that chocolate milk is “better than sick water”, she’s being sued by water itself for a billion dollars. Fortunately, this food-and-beverage-based case is the perfect fit for her sentient macaroni and cheese lawyer, Hemma.

When Alison is forced to move across the country for a new job at Tingle Industries, she finds herself in a complicated situation. On one hand, she’s able to buy her first house, something that Alison never would’ve dreamed possible. The unfortunate drawback is that she’s never seen the place in person.

Jill doesn’t want to be left out of her friend’s upcoming ski trip, but soon enough, she finds herself caught in a little white lie that won’t stop snowballing. Despite insisting she can handle herself on the slopes, Jill has no idea how to ski. Hoping to correct this, Jill hatches a plan to sneak off for crash course lessons from the best instructor on the mountain, a beautiful sentient twice baked potato named Brimm. Unfortunately, the only thing crashing is Jill.

A terrifying scream rings out through the woods of Sleepy Butthole. Could this be the work of the Headless Buttwoman, a sentient pumpkin who’s always giving head but never receiving it? If your butt is already tingling as ferociously as ours, then this is the collection for you. Presenting Scary Stories to Tingle Your Lesbian Butt, a seven book collection of the most toe-curling tales to ever get you off.

After moving cross-county to Billings, Montana, Riley is desperate to make new friends and cultivate a support system. This search leads her to find the Billings Bisexual Buddies, an activity group for local bisexuals. Unfortunately, when Riley arrives she finds herself faced with an invasive questionnaire in order to “confirm” her bisexuality, and the skepticism only grows when Riley reveals her limited physical experience with the same gender. The group then suggests Riley pump up her numbers by heading out on a date with a beautiful sentient gate named Heather.

Amy is on the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree, but after visiting every lot in Billings, she’s begging to worry that the perfect Christmas tree doesn’t actually exist. In a moment of inspiration, Amy attempts to get to the heart of the season by traipsing into the snow covered hillside and finding the perfect tree for herself, but what she discovers is so much more.

When Mary spots a strange and mysterious "S" symbol, she can’t help feeling like she’s seen it before. Is it the logo for the Stummy clothing company from the '90s? Some piece of art that just happens to pop up in subconscious minds all across the world? Determined to learn the origin of this universal S, Mary begins a quest for knowledge that takes her across the globe, eventually arriving at a face-to-face encounter with the physical manifestation of this stylized "S" herself.

Carly’s boss has announced that everyone is receiving a raise, and her coworkers are buzzing with excitement. The only catch, however, is they aren’t allowed to discuss how much of a raise they’ve received. This request seems fine, at first, but when Carly realizes she’s only getting five more cents a day, she becomes skeptical about Cobbler Corp’s motivations. Fortunately, the beautiful physical manifestation of her coworkers and her discussing their salaries even though their boss told them not to quickly arrives and gets to work setting things straight. 

Vickibod Crame is new to the town of Sleepy Butthole, a recently hired schoolteacher who’s looking forward to calling this beautiful hamlet home. Unfortunately, she quickly discovers the townsfolk here are not as kind as she’s hoped. In fact, they’re downright rude. Now Vickibod is headed out to the old bridge on the night of a full moon, searching for the legendary headless buttwoman. It’s said this buttwoman once tried to turn Sleepy Butthole into a joyful place through voracious ass eating, but failed. Now Vickibod Crame is helping the headless buttwoman try again. 

Michelle has been tasked with watching her friend’s dog, Lucky, over the weekend. It’s a simple task, but when Lucky escapes, things get complicated. Fortunately, Michelle finds help in a kind T-Rex named Lara, who accompanies Michelle on her journey across town in search of this missing pup. 

Lena hates the idea of a weekend in Vegas, but she’s willing to put on a smile, and pretend for her friend Drimble’s bachelorette party in Sin City. When the ladies split up and start to gamble, Lena’s just too logical to play something where the odds are against her. But that’s when she stumbles upon the high-roller poker room.  Now, Lena is playing heads up poker with a gorgeous lesbian unicorn, walking the line between strategic table talk and flirting. Things come to a head when the beautiful unicorn pushes all in on Lena....

Nicole is thrilled to spend the weekend with her friends at Camp Diamond Lake, a secluded campground that used to be all the rage but has since been mysteriously abandoned. It’s only on the drive up that Nicole learns why, hearing the legend of Jesse Voormees, a masked brachiosaurus who stalks the lake at night. 

After returning to her small town of Christmas Falls from a life in the big city, Kelsi is hoping to start fresh with her very own chocolate milk brewery. Things are going well, but when she receives a letter from a secret admirer and instructions to wait until Christmas before opening, her business skyrockets. Everyone in town is wondering who Kelsi’s Christmas admirer might be. Could it be the sentient manifestation of a holiday film featuring a vanilla couple on the cover who works across the street at a rival chocolate milk brewery?

After moving into her new home, Mina suffers from an unfortunate car accident that takes her life and transforms her into a very confused ghost. She’s also horrified to find that her new home is being purchased by someone else. Mina makes a few modest attempts at scaring away her unwanted housemates, but to no avail. However, after finding a strange refrigerator in the attic, Mina discovers another approach. Within the fridge is a sentient juice box named Buttlejuice, a wild woman with green hair and a plan to rid the house of its living inhabitants by means of carnal lesbian lust.

When Lindsey is offered company tickets to a big game of her favorite baseball team, The Lobsters, she can’t believe her luck. Even more amazing, however, is the man she finds herself sitting next to. Now, the physical manifestation of Ketchup is chatting it up with Lindsey, and erotic tensions are high, but when Ketchup offers some of his own tomato goodness for Lindsey’s empty hot dog, she finds herself craving more. That’s when the beautiful manifestation of Mustard arrives, and soon enough, Lindsey finds herself enjoying both condiments.

Jessica Porpo is a respected restaurant critic who is finally getting burned out on her job. After years of fancy, overwrought menus that ooze with pretention, Jessica is taking a well-deserved vacation to a small town in the mountains with simple foods and a relaxing atmosphere. Things are going great until Jessica discovers that a local dinosaur named Reba has opened a restaurant that’s as experimental and overblown as they come. Her curiosity piqued, Jessica pays Reba a visit with the intention of slamming her food.

Gabby loves Halloween, but her husband Cork doesn’t want her to celebrate after Gabby’s excitement starts making him jealous. Fortunately, this is the last straw that Gabby needs before dumping his ass and heading out to live her truth. Now Gabby’s realizing there are plenty of desires she’s always had and never been able to experience, like Halloween and other women. Soon enough, Gabby is allowing herself to experience the things that truly make her happy.