Episodios

  • How Steep?

    How Steep?
    Aug 13 2025
    “How hard is it to save my marriage?” the email started. The writer wanted my opinion on whether my System would work. There was a problem, though. The problem was… I had no details about her marital problems. I didn’t know what she was facing. When I was a kid, the rubik’s cube came out. There was this book that promised to solve the cube, no matter how bad the cube was arranged. I just kept trying to turn and twist the cube to find a solution. My neighbor friend got the book. My neighbor followed the guide. And that cube was, sure enough, solved. Mixed up cube, follow the solution, solved cube. Easy-peesy. Let’s just say that your marriage is NOT like that rubik’s cube. There are some reasons why your efforts might be harder (or easier) than someone else’s. In fact, there are 3 major complicators to saving your marriage. Before jumping in to save your marriage, you want to be clear about the complicators — the obstacles — on your path. They make a difference in what you do, how you do it, and how much effort is required. Listen below to find out how steep your climb is, due to the 3 obstacles. RELATED RESOURCES How Bad is it? Should You Give Up? Can It Be Saved? Grab the Save The Marriage System Get Tools for the Climb
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    27 m
  • Can It Be Saved?? How to know…

    Can It Be Saved?? How to know…
    Aug 6 2025
    Can you save your marriage?? That is, to be honest, probably the biggest "speed bump" for someone who wants to save their marriage. They wonder if it is even possible to save their marriage. And that fact keeps them from taking action. Or to be more direct, may be what is keeping you from taking action. Many people have said that if I could guarantee that they could save their marriage, they would get started. I have often pointed out that NOT trying pretty much guarantees it can't be saved. But I don't have a crystal ball... or even a Magic 8 Ball that will tell me whether it can/can't be saved. And so, far too often, they don't take action. And their marriage fails. But what if there were a way to get clarity... to get more understanding of what might be involved in saving your marriage? What if there was some GPS that could give you direction on the possibilities and what is involved. Well, there is. And I discuss it on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. I've created a new assessment, called The Growth GPS Assessment. You can grab it for just a dollar. GO HERE to take advantage of the offer... and gain clarity. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System The Growth GPS Assessment
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    16 m
  • Having Hope

    Having Hope
    Jul 30 2025
    Your spouse thinks it’s hopeless. You may even be wondering that, too. But is it? Is it hopeless? Or is the problem that your spouse is hopeless — not the situation? Let’s be honest: if you give up hope, it may become a hopeless situation. Sometimes, having hope is not based on seeing the way. We find the way because we hold onto hope. In one of my books, Beyond the 3 Barriers, I note that one barrier for your spouse is hopelessness. I also note that one way to move beyond your spouse’s barriers is by having hope. Holding onto hope. Maintaining hope while waiting for space to make a shift. Hope has 3 core components… all within your control and choice. But you do need to know the components in order to choose. When you do, you choose hope. Remember that hope is not about waiting for a spouse to hope… or even to shift. It comes from within you, a choice you make. Hang on to hope! Listen to the podcast episode below. RELATED RESOURCES Beyond The 3 Barriers Book Hope vs. Hopelessness Episode Staying Stuck in the Negative Episode 3rd Biggest Mistake People Make Episode Save The Marriage System The Hope System Guide
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    17 m
  • 5 Reasons Why Your Plan is Stalled

    5 Reasons Why Your Plan is Stalled
    Jul 23 2025
    Are your efforts to save your marriage getting stalled? Maybe we should take a look at your plan. You do have a plan, don't you? Let's talk about 5 reasons your plan (or lack of plan) may be the trouble -- and what we can do to make a switch. To be crystal clear, all 5 reasons are in your control. YOU can choose how you move forward in each of these issues. You may not have control over your spouse's reaction, but you do have choices in your planning and execution of your plan. RELATED RESOURCES: Points of Failure Your Reasons Why How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps The Save The Marriage System Save The Marriage Toolkit
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    17 m
  • Are You Getting Dragged Under??

    Are You Getting Dragged Under??
    Jul 16 2025
    Every marriage crisis starts as a crisis of an individual. As it expands into the marriage, the question is whether you, the spouse, will get pulled under by the crisis. Have you ever tried to save a drowning person? This can be kind of like that. Get too close, and they will drag you under with them. Their desperation will overcome any sensible decision. Running purely on terror, they will flail, grab, and pull at anything that is nearby... and anyone. And when someone is in crisis, it can certainly feel like drowning... even with no water (other than tears). The desperation is there. The flailing is there. And if you aren't careful, you can get pulled under. One person in crisis is enough. Two people multiples the complications and difficulties in recovering the relationship. Don't allow yourself to get pulled under. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss 4 rules to keep from getting pulled under. RELATED RESOURCES Your Spouse Is Not The Enemy Conflict In Marriage Control What You Can Save The Marriage System What To Do When You Are Trying Alone
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    26 m
  • What Makes A Marriage Great?

    What Makes A Marriage Great?
    Jul 9 2025
    What makes a marriage work? What makes a marriage GREAT? Maybe you are trying to save your marriage, and aren't sure if that even matters. Maybe you are trying to aim your marriage in a better direction, and aren't sure what that even looks like. Or maybe you are considering getting married, but aren't sure if you have what it takes. In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I'll give you the 5 core ingredients to have a great marriage. I'll tell you what they are, and how to get them. Then, if you have special garnishes and additions, great! Problem is, many people think the extra additions are the core ingredients! And when that doesn't work, they think they just don't have what it takes. Turns out, they were just trying to make a recipe with the wrong ingredients. No wonder it doesn't work out! After over three decades of focusing on relationships and marriage, the five core ingredients stand out, time after time. So, let's make clear what they are, how to get them, and how that makes a difference. RELATED RESOURCES: Save The Marriage System Save The Marriage Toolkit Why Connection Matters Does Communication Matter?
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    24 m
  • Are You Dragging a Spouse to Therapy??

    Are You Dragging a Spouse to Therapy??
    Jul 2 2025
    The email said, “I talked my spouse into going to therapy.” Another one asked, “How do I drag my spouse to therapy?” Oof. The first person was proud of the “convincing.” The second person got my response: You Don’t! (Unless, of course, you want to damn the process from the very beginning… and in that case, drag away!) Marriage therapy tends to be the default response to a marriage crisis (although the stats would not support this as the preferred action). If there is a problem, time to head to therapy! First task: get a spouse there. By pressure, if necessary. I think there is a (false) belief that if you can just get them there, the therapist will work some magic and convince the spouse to work on the marriage. The therapist won’t/can’t. And your spouse won’t. Fail/fail. But why? There are some Therapy Traps that you fall into when you try to drag a spouse into therapy (I cover the Traps in the podcast episode below). And in the process, you actually cause further entrenchment on the part of your spouse that things won’t work out. Yep, it makes things worse. I explain why in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES Therapy Problems Can You Save It Alone? Can Your Marriage Even Be Saved? Book: Beyond the 3 Barriers Program: Save The Marriage System Toolkit: When You Are Working Alone
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    20 m
  • The Clarity of a Crisis

    The Clarity of a Crisis
    Jun 25 2025
    Nothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis. But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn't so helpful. Let's backtrack just a minute. What is Crisis Clarity? Just for a moment, let's assume that you have had a sense that something was not right with your marriage. Maybe you asked about it. Or perhaps you just hoped for the best -- that things would turn around, settle down, and get on-track. Then suddenly, the crisis emerges. You learn about an affair. Your spouse gives you the "love you, not in love with you" speech. Your spouse wants to separate. You get divorce papers. Or... fill in the blank ____________. It is no longer a theoretical problem. It is a full-blown crisis! And that crisis gets your attention. Your FULL attention. That is Crisis Clarity. Yes, it can be helpful. And it can also be harmful. How do you understand and handle Crisis Clarity? I cover it in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below. RELATED RESOURCES The Pause Button Marriage Why Connection Matters Having a Plan No Contact is Crap Grab the System Grab The Repair Checklist
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    14 m