When your partner is in shutdown, you're not just watching it happen—you're in it too. This episode is for the partners who feel like they're losing their person, who don't understand what's happening, and who wonder if they're making it worse. In this episode, I break down:

• What shutdown actually looks like (and why it's not a choice)
• What you CAN'T control (and why that matters)
• 4 concrete ways to influence the situation without trying to fix them
• The myth of co-regulation and what it actually means
• How to regulate yourself so you can show up differently
• Why healthy boundaries aren't selfish—they're essential
• What your real job is as a partner in shutdown

The invisible pain on both sides is real. You're not failing. You're not weak. And you're not alone.

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

A paper co-authored by 39 scientists called the Polyvagal Theory "untenable" — and now psychology influencers are announcing the Theory is "dead." But is it?

I'm Justin Sunseri, therapist and member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. That means I review work for Polyvagal Theory accuracy. So let me actually look at the claims.

In this episode, I break down Paul Grossman's paper "Why the Polyvagal Theory Is Untenable." We need to objectively check whether his criticisms accurately represent what the theory actually says. Because if they don't, the counterarguments are moot.

Links mentioned:

1. Grossman's paper: https://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/download/why-the-polyvagal-theory-is-untenable-an-international-expert-evaluation-of-the-polyvagal-theory-and-commentary-upon-porges-s-w-2025-polyvagal-theory-current-status-clinical-applications-and/
2. Porges' "The Vagal Paradox": https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38108034/
3. Grossman's ResearchGate: https://www.researchgate.net/post/After_30_years_of_polyvagal_hypotheses_is_there_any_direct_evidence_for_the_first_3_premises_that_form_the_foundation_of_the_polyvagal_conjectures
4. Porges' response(s) to Grossman: https://www.clinicalneuropsychiatry.org/download/when-a-critique-becomes-untenable-a-scholarly-response-to-grossman-et-al-s-evaluation-of-polyvagal-theory/
5. Google NotebookLM: https://notebooklm.google.com

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Is your self-help routine actually making things worse?

The self-help industry has one answer for everything: do more. More habits, more discipline, more effort. But for a nervous system that's already overwhelmed — stuck in sympathetic flight/fight, freeze overdrive, or dorsal shutdown — more doing can mean more frustration, more overwhelm, and more defeat.

In this episode, I break down 5 common self-help habits that may be working against you if you don't yet have the nervous system capacity for them.

Capacity Builder Live (live meditation sessions) → https://www.stucknotbroken.com/c/calendar/?topics=182524 Unstucking Academy → https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy Previous episode on trauma narrative → https://youtu.be/pvJNSJ8q1aM

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Stop forcing yourself to relive the most painful moments of your life before your body is ready to handle them.

Traditional therapy often skips the most critical step — building the physiological capacity to actually process what comes up. Justin Sunseri breaks down why flooding your system with past trauma makes things worse, and what to do instead.

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Justin Sunseri dives deep into the paradox of meditation and anxiety. If you've ever felt that meditation or breathing exercises make you more anxious, you're not alone—and you're definitely not broken. Justin explains how your nervous system might be signaling for a different approach, especially for those who experience freeze dominance.

🌸 What You'll Learn:

1. Why freeze types often need movement instead of stillness
2. The three reasons you might experience anxiety after safety practices
3. How to work within your capacity and avoid overwhelming your system
4. Movement-based alternatives to traditional meditation
5. Understanding the "thawing" process and what to expect

🌸 Resources Mentioned:

1. Stuck Not Broken: Book 2 (available now) - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/books
2. Stuck Not Broken: Book 3 (coming mid-2026)
3. Free Mindful Moments sessions in the Calendar - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/c/calendar/
4. Unstucking Academy community - https://www.stucknotbroken.com/unstuckingacademy

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

Does a mental health diagnosis explain why you are suffering, or does it just give your suffering a name?

In this episode, I challenge the traditional way we look at mental health labels. While a diagnosis (like depression, anxiety, or ADHD) can be a helpful shorthand for professionals, it often becomes a trap for the person receiving it—convincing them they are "broken" rather than adapting to their life context.

To illustrate this, I share the story of two hypothetical clients: Penny and Milton. Both come to therapy with the exact same heavy symptoms.

1. Penny receives a diagnosis, is told she has a disorder to manage forever, and leaves feeling defective.
2. Milton is met with a nervous system perspective, learns his feelings make sense based on his history, and is given the tools to actually heal.

Join me as we explore why your diagnosis is a description, not a life sentence. We’ll discuss how to shift from "fighting a disorder" to building safety in your nervous system, so you can stop merely managing symptoms and start getting unstuck.

In this episode, you will learn:

1. Why a diagnosis in the DSM describes what is happening but rarely explains why.
2. The critical difference between the "Disorder Model" vs. the "Nervous System Model."
3. How to stop rejecting your feelings and start building safety (the "Milton" approach).
4. Why your symptoms are likely a normal response to an abnormal situation.

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)

What if I told you that your ability to practice Stoicism isn't just about willpower or mindset—but about the actual physiological state of your nervous system? In this episode, I dive deep into a profound quote from Epictetus that perfectly illustrates how our autonomic nervous system affects our capacity to respond wisely to life's challenges.

Using the metaphor of water, light, and appearances, we'll explore:• Why some days Stoic practices feel effortless while other days feel impossible• How your nervous system state acts as a "filter" for all incoming reality• The real reason willpower alone isn't enough for lasting change• 3 practical daily practices to "steady your internal waters"• How nervous system regulation enhances (rather than replaces) Stoic philosophy

Key Quote: "Such as is a dish of water, such is the soul. Such as is the ray of light, which falls on the water, such are the appearances." - Epictetus

0:00 Introduction

0:40 The Epictetus Quote

1:17 Breaking Down the Metaphor

3:32 The Coffee Example

5:10 Connecting to the Nervous System

8:21 How Reality Filters Through Your State

9:36 Person A vs Person B

13:22 What To Do About This

15:39 The Problem with Traditional Stoic Practice

19:06 Settling the Water

20:26 Practical Steps You Can Take Today

22:54 Closing & Resources

🤩 Ready to go deeper? Explore resources at every price point—from free content to 1-on-1 coaching. Whether you're just beginning or ready for transformation, there's something designed for where you are right now. 👉 Visit https://www.stucknotbroken.com/how-i-can-help-you

😬 Need to catch up? Listen to the Polyvagal 101 audio series - https://player.captivate.fm/collection/cce134e7-1550-4d33-8e56-738d344c63b0

✅ Crisis resources:

1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233
3. LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386
4. National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673
5. Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741
6. Call 911 for emergency

This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist registered in the State of California (#99147).

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast! When you do, you will immediately get the next episode as soon as it's available. What's better than having the next episode of SNB ready and waiting for you? (Nothing, that's what.)