Jackie: On the web | On Instagram // Courtney: On the web | On Instagram

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Courtney to have an honest, unfiltered conversation about what it really looks like to let go of control and begin allowing yourself to be seen.

Courtney is an Enneagram 8—strong, decisive, and deeply protective. But like so many 8s, that strength didn’t come out of nowhere. It was built over time as a way to stay safe, stay ahead, and avoid being hurt.

What we explore in this conversation is what happens when that strength stops working the same way it used to.

This isn’t a polished story of arrival. It’s a real-time look at becoming.

This episode gently explores the shift from:

• Self-protection → Connection
• Control → Trust
• Armor → Access

Not by forcing change… but by increasing awareness.

Even if you’re not an Enneagram 8, this conversation will likely hit somewhere personal. Because at the core, this isn’t just about type—it’s about the human experience of protecting yourself, staying guarded, and slowly learning it might be safe to let someone in

You don’t have to force yourself to change. But you can begin to notice. And sometimes, that awareness is the very thing that starts to shift everything.

You’re not behind. You’re becoming.

In this episode, I'm sharing a personal and honest look at what it means to let go of patterns that once served a purpose, but are now holding you back.

Through the lens of the Enneagram and lifespan development, this conversation explores how our identities are shaped over time through protection, adaptation, and meaning-making. What once helped us feel safe, loved, or accepted can quietly become the very thing that limits our growth.

I'm opening up about my own experience of reaching a breaking point at 40—realizing I had unintentionally placed myself on a shelf—and the emotional process of taking responsibility, grieving what was lost, and stepping into a more aligned life.

This episode is not about fixing yourself. It’s about recognizing what no longer serves you… and beginning, gently, to let it go.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• How personality patterns are formed across the lifespan
• Why letting go often feels disorienting, not freeing
• The connection between protection, identity, and the Enneagram
• What it looks like to take responsibility for your own becoming
• A reflective invitation to help you identify where you may be holding yourself back

This episode also introduces a new series featuring real conversations with different Enneagram types as they share their own process of letting go and becoming.

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

In this deeply personal and powerful conversation, Jackie sits down with Ro Elliot to explore a journey of healing, identity, and transformation that didn’t fully begin until age 58.

Ro is an Enneagram coach passionate about helping women—especially in midlife transitions—rediscover who they are beyond the roles they’ve carried.

Ro shares her story of growing up with deep insecurity, navigating disorganized attachment, walking through chronic illness, and discovering the Enneagram later in life. Together, Jackie and Ro unpack how attachment, faith, and inner work intersect—and why it is never too late to come home to yourself.

This episode is for anyone who feels like they’ve lived most of their life for others… and are just now beginning to ask, “Who am I?”

If you feel like you’ve spent years showing up for everyone else…
this episode is your invitation to gently turn toward yourself.

Nothing about you is too late.
Nothing about your story is wasted.

You are still becoming.

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Ro: On the web | On Instagram

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Most of us think our struggles in relationships come down to communication, personality, or conflict styles. But what if the real issue is safety?

In this episode, we’re talking about psychological safety—what it is, why it matters, and how your nervous system shapes the way you show up in your relationships.

Because when safety is missing, you don’t just respond differently, you protect.

And those protection patterns? That’s where the Enneagram comes in.

This conversation will help you understand:

• Why you react the way you do under stress
• How your Enneagram type tries to create safety
• What actually creates connection (and what quietly breaks it)
• How to begin building psychological safety in your everyday relationships

This is not about fixing yourself. It’s about understanding what your system has learned—and giving it something new.

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram // Courtney: On the web | On Instagram

Growth is not about becoming someone else. It’s about becoming a less defended version of yourself.

In this direct and honest conversation, Courtney and I unpack why your comfort zone exists — and why it feels so destabilizing to step outside of it.

Because your comfort zone isn’t random. It was built around your core fear.

Perfection protects the 1.
Being needed protects the 2.
Achievement protects the 3.
Intensity protects the 4.
Distance protects the 5.
Preparation protects the 6.
Stimulation protects the 7.
Strength protects the 8.
Harmony protects the 9.

At one point, those patterns kept you safe. But over time, protection can quietly become limitation.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why comfort often gets confused with health
• How each Enneagram type hides inside their strengths
• What “micro-stretches” look like by type
• How to grow without overwhelming your nervous system
• The difference between expansion and self-betrayal
• Why discomfort is not always danger

This is not about blowing up your life or forcing transformation. It’s about small, intentional moves that stretch your reflex without abandoning who you are.

Because growth is not betrayal. It’s expansion. And the work is rarely dramatic. It’s disciplined.

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram // Courtney: On the web | On Instagram

Being wrong is not a logic problem.
It’s an ego problem.

In this candid and honest conversation, Courtney and I unpack what actually happens in the moment you realize you misread the situation, overreacted, or got it wrong.

Because your Enneagram type does not disappear in that moment.
It doubles down.

Being wrong threatens something core in each of us:

• Identity
• Safety
• Belonging
• Competence

And when those feel threatened, we defend.

In this episode, we break down:

• Why being wrong feels like exposure
• How each Enneagram type reflexively protects themselves
• The difference between apologizing and being regulated
• Why defensiveness is usually fear in disguise
• What secure attachment looks like in conflict
• How to stay present instead of escalating or collapsing

From the 1 who justifies, to the 3 who reframes, to the 8 who intensifies, to the 9 who minimizes — no type is shamed, but every defense is exposed.

Because growth is not simply saying, “I was wrong.”
Growth is being able to stay connected while you are wrong.

If you want stronger relationships, deeper repair, and less ego-driven conflict, this conversation will challenge you in the best way.

Adult love is powerful — and often misunderstood.

In this conversation, Rob Goetsch and I unpack what’s really happening beneath romantic connection. Because lasting love isn’t just chemistry. It’s attachment systems, emotional regulation, nervous system responses, trauma history, communication patterns, and the ongoing work of repair.

Romantic relationships activate our earliest attachment wiring. That intensity you feel? It isn’t immaturity. It’s memory stored in the body.

Together, Rob and I explore how attachment styles shape connection, how emotions function physiologically, how trauma lives in the nervous system, and how the Enneagram adds clarity to relationship patterns. They also examine how love languages can either build connection — or be unintentionally weaponized — when there’s a lack of awareness.

This episode offers both insight and practical tools to help you move from reactivity to responsibility, and from confusion to secure connection.

In this episode, we cover:

• Why adult love can feel so intense
• How romantic relationships activate attachment systems
• The physiology of emotions (and why emotions need motion)
• Why feelings aren’t facts — and how they can mislead us
• How attachment styles influence closeness, conflict, and repair
• The impact of trauma stored in the body
• The Enneagram’s role in attachment dynamics
• Love languages: helpful framework or hidden weapon?
• Why specificity in communication builds trust
• How emotional safety is created (and rebuilt)
• Taking responsibility for your attachment patterns
• Why relationship work is ongoing — not a one-time fix

Key Takeaways

• Romantic relationships activate early attachment wiring.
• Emotions are physiological responses to stimuli — not moral indicators.
• Attachment styles influence how we pursue, withdraw, protest, or protect.
• Trauma can live in the body and shape present-day reactions.
• Feelings are real — but they aren’t always accurate.
• Understanding love languages improves clarity, but only when paired with accountability.
• Awareness of attachment patterns opens the door to change.
• Every relationship requires a tailored approach — there is no universal formula.
• Trust is built through consistency, repair, and emotional safety.
• The work of connection is lifelong and intentional.

Reflection Questions

• When connection feels threatening or overwhelming, what attachment pattern is likely activated in you?
• Do you treat your feelings as facts — or as information to explore?
• Where might increased specificity in communication create more safety in your relationship?

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Jackie: On the web | On Instagram

Courtney: On the web | On Instagram

Workplace conflict rarely stays “professional” in the body. What looks like a communication issue on the surface often activates deeper nervous-system needs around safety, respect, belonging, control, and value.

In this episode, Courtney Bareman and I explore how conflict shows up at work through the Enneagram and why small moments—an email tone, a missed deadline, a rushed decision—can escalate so quickly.

Together, we unpack how each Enneagram type communicates under stress, what tends to trigger frustration or shutdown, and how repair builds trust on teams without avoiding hard conversations.

This episode is educational and practical—not therapy and not HR advice—but it offers language you can actually use to navigate real workplace relationships.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode

• Why workplace conflict is often a nervous-system issue, not a personality flaw
• How pressure, power, and visibility amplify emotional reactions at work
• The connection between pet peeves and unmet needs
• How each Enneagram type communicates under stress
• Why secure teams aren’t conflict-free, but repair-rich
• What effective repair sounds like when impact doesn’t match intent

Enneagram Triggers & Needs at Work

Each Enneagram type brings specific needs into work relationships—and predictable stress responses when those needs go unmet:

• Type 1 – Triggered by sloppy standards; needs clarity, responsibility, and appreciation for quality
• Type 2 – Triggered by exclusion or one-way giving; needs inclusion and reciprocity
• Type 3 – Triggered by inefficiency; needs concise communication and follow-through
• Type 4 – Triggered by meaninglessness or emotional dismissal; needs respect for people and purpose
• Type 5 – Triggered by time invasion or last-minute demands; needs privacy and clear expectations
• Type 6 – Triggered by rushed decisions or misuse of power; needs integrity, context, and a plan
• Type 7 – Triggered by negativity or micromanagement; needs autonomy and forward motion
• Type 8 – Triggered by gossip or broken promises; needs directness and reliability
• Type 9 – Triggered by being overlooked or unclear expectations; needs invitation, clarity, and calm tone

Repair & Trust in the Workplace

Secure teams aren’t built by avoiding conflict. They’re built by how quickly and clearly repair happens when stress shows up.

Repair in work relationships includes:

• Naming impact without defensiveness
• Clarifying intent without minimizing harm
• Resetting expectations after tension
• Addressing misalignment before resentment sets in

When repair becomes normal, trust strengthens—and teams can hold pressure without breaking.

Reflection Questions

Take these into your next work week:

• What does my stress pattern sound like in communication—do I correct, rescue, perform, withdraw, question, distract, confront, or disappear?
• What’s one sentence I can use to repair when I’ve come in too hot or too distant?