"People who dwell in the past get stuck in the past." - Marc Andreessen. (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/b6Zw50f5jJk)

"Introspection causes emotional disorders." - Andreessen again.

"Reinforcing negative neural pathways via therapy or introspection is a recipe for disaster." - Elon Musk.

“And also, this is very important to understand about me, I am not into psychoanalysis, right. I think there is far too much of it and I think people spend far too long, constantly analysing themselves. I do what I do because I believe in it.” - Tony Blair

This idea is gaining traction, especially among a certain group of guys: that self-awareness is not only not helpful, but that it's actively harmful. It might take some of your edge away and leave you prone to introspection. As therapists and couples coaches, Matt & Graham are interested in why the idea is gaining ground, and how to work with those men, whether they want individual work or come to them as part of a couple. Short answer: we don't try and convince them that going back to their childhoods and spending lots of time understanding themselves and feeling their feelings is the way forward. We move quickly to show them how therapy can help them solve practical problems in their lives.

If you'd like to work with Graham or Matt, you can find them at www.grahamjohnston.uk and www.matwotton.com

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Matt and Graham dive into the Manosphere on this episode of Crazy In Love. They respond to the recent Louis Theroux documentary on Netflix and this article which suggests Gen Z men are more likely to demand that their wives obey them:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2026/mar/05/gen-z-men-baby-boomers-wives-should-obey-husbands

But what's the reality behind young men's beliefs about women? Should we be worried, or is this a moral panic similar to Grand Theft Auto and gangsta rap? How much influence do the likes of Andrew Tate have on young men? Are young women more at threat from predatory beliefs and values of their partners?

They draw on this thread from Owen Winter looking at the British Election Study:

https://x.com/OwenWntr/status/1902986069508780493

And this report from Male Allies UK:

https://www.maleallies.co.uk/voice-of-the-boys-report/

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Matt and Graham get their teeth into some advice from couples therapists about seven signs you might be heading for divorce, ranging from "you stop arguing" to "you take up ultramarathons" (yes, really).

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2026/feb/20/seven-surprising-signs-youre-heading-for-divorce

Along the way, in considering all seven, they return to some time-old signs of relationships longevity and fulfilment such as treating each other with respect and retaining some independence.

Jump in and enjoy!

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For Valentine's Day recently, The Guardian newspaper asked its readers from across the globe to offer their tips for successful long-term romantic relationships.

If we're honest, we thought the results were going to be abysmal. Bubble baths, "happy wife, happy life", go salsa dancing together: that kind of thing.

But as you'll hear, the tips themselves were a decent mix of useful motherhood and apple pie truths and some left-field gems.

We go back and forth in rapid fire with our views on the 16 tips, which range from "lower your expectations" (we love that one!) to "laugh together often" (we're a bit less keen on that one).

Here's the link:

‘Love, honor, cherish, accommodate’: 16 hard-earned relationship tips

As ever, we'd love to hear from you if you like what we're doing - crazyinlovepodcastuk@gmail.com. And as ever, please like, subscribe and leave a review.

It's a confusing message: you should be vulnerable and open up to the risk that your partner could hurt you, but also that too much dependence risks tipping over into unhealthy co=dependence, merger, and the loss of a decent sense of self.

So where is that sweet spot, and how do you know if you're falling too far on either end of the spectrum of independence/co-dependence?

Matt and Graham try to make sense of all this in a somewhat free-flowing, going-all-over-the-place episode of Crazy In Love.

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Matt and Graham delve into the "no apprenticeship" model of relationships in this episode.

We repeat what we see modelled to us in our own childhood homes. Often, that's two people trying their best to stay together without the skills to make a relationship flourish: conflict resolution, active listening, asking for what you want without whining or retreating into contempt and silence.

We don't learn decent relationship skills at school, either. Any relationship education is fostered on helpful, but limited, skills - empathy and trust, for example. Great for friendships and not making enemies in the workplace, but maybe less helpful for romantic relationships and marriages.

And then there's the culture at large - emphasising unhelpful myths about The One and the romantic dash to the airport. Great for the first few months of lust. Less great for long-term love.

So, what do we do if we haven't had a decent relationship apprenticeship? What if we're stuck with insecure attachment? How can we make love last?

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Nearly one in two marriages don't work out. The failure rate for second marriages is, surprisingly, even higher. We don't learn the lessons we need to learn; we repeat the same mistakes; choose the same, wrong partners.

What can we learn from those failed relationships that can help us learn to make better decisions, and be better partners, so that we can avoid having to call the divorce lawyer next January...?

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Matt's sceptical about New Year's Resolutions: fluffy, too broad, unrealistic. Graham thinks New Year is the perfect time to have a good think about self-improvement, self-reflection - including in our relationships.

Who's right? You decide!

Happy new year to all our listeners!

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