What's up y'all? In this episode of “We Were In a Cult?” I was able to speak with sisters Sarah and Lauren, who were both raised inside the ICOC. Growing up in the same home, under the same beliefs and expectations, you might assume their experiences would be identical, but they weren’t. In this episode, we explore what it means to inherit a system rather than choose it, how language and identity get formed inside environments like this, and what it takes to begin questioning something that was never presented as optional.

It’s an honest and layered conversation about family, faith, and the complicated process of untangling your life from something that once defined it, while recognizing that it doesn’t all just disappear when you leave.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

There’s a moment most of us have experienced; standing in a parking lot, deciding whether to return a shopping cart or leave it behind. It’s small. Almost forgettable.

But the more I’ve paid attention to those moments, the more I’ve realized they might reveal something deeper about how we move through the world. In this episode, I start with a simple observation in a grocery store parking lot and follow it into something bigger, unseen people, invisible effort, and the quiet decisions we make when no one’s watching. This isn’t really about carts. It’s about the ten extra steps, and what they might say about who we’re becoming.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

This is an episode I recorded about two years ago, and revisiting it now, I realized something, I was already asking questions back then that I’m still wrestling with today. Questions about power, about leadership, and about what it actually means to follow Jesus. In this episode, I explore the moment often called the “Triumphal Entry,” but through a different lens: not as a celebration, but as a contrast. Two processions entering the same city, one built on force and control, the other on humility and peace. Listening back, I can hear the beginnings of a shift in me, and maybe this conversation will invite something similar for you. Not just to understand the story, but to consider which way of being we’re actually aligning our lives with.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode, I sit with a passage from Thomas Merton that I can’t seem to shake and the uncomfortable realization it stirred in me: I don’t think I trust happiness that comes easily. We live in a world built on chasing more growth, more clarity, more success, and I’m right there in it. But what if the peace we’re looking for isn’t something we achieve, but something we don’t trust? I unpack the “I’ll be happy when…” loop, how my background shaped that mindset, and why even the good things: self-help, growth, faith can keep us running. This isn’t a message from someone who’s figured it out. It’s me, a couple steps in, trying to understand why something that feels like it should set me free… is so hard to believe.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode of We Were in a Cult?, I sit down with Katja, who shares her experience of being introduced to the ICOC in Germany, not as someone born into it, but as someone searching. As a young mother trying to find her footing in life and faith, she was met in a moment where community, clarity, and certainty felt both needed and welcome.

What unfolds is an honest and thoughtful conversation about how environments like this can shape identity over time, how questions can quietly build beneath the surface, and what it takes to begin seeing things differently. Katja’s story is a powerful reminder that these experiences aren’t limited to one place or one kind of person, they’re often closer to home than we think.

If you are a member, were a member, or know someone who was a member of the ICOC or ICC and would like to share your story about life in and out of the church, I’d love to hear from you. Together, we can continue exploring the question, “We were in a cult?” and perhaps find some healing along the way. You can reach me via email at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM on Instagram at the Clemenz With a Z podcast page.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

I went to a church back in December because it reminded me of something.

Growing up in the ICOC, we had what were called Special Missions contributions, big Sundays centered around giving, sacrifice, and faith. So when I heard about a “Legacy Offering,” I was curious. Not cynical. Curious.

I wanted to see what it would stir up in me.

What I didn’t expect was how much my body would remember.

From the production and messaging… to the moment a second offering bucket passed through the room… something deeper surfaced. Not just frustration, but memories. Of childhood. Of pressure. Of learning that giving could feel less like freedom and more like proof.

In this episode, I reflect on that experience, what it brought up, what I’m still untangling, and how my understanding of generosity has shifted over time.

Because this isn’t really about one church.

It’s about a bigger question:

What happens when generosity becomes something we’re told to do… instead of something that flows freely from who we are?

I still believe in giving.

I just want it to come from a different place.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

Every generation inherits something from the one before it, wisdom that helped people survive and wounds that shaped how they saw the world. In this episode, I reflect on a quote from philosopher John Dewey: “If we teach today’s students as we taught yesterday’s, we rob them of tomorrow.”

What begins as a thought about education opens into a deeper conversation about parenting, faith, and personal healing. How do we honor the past without letting it dictate the future? And how do we make sure our wounds don’t quietly become the worldview we pass on to others? This episode explores the tension between learning from yesterday and leaving space for tomorrow.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.

In this episode on Clemenz With a "Z", I reflect on the doctrine of original sin and the story we tell children about who they are at their core. Beginning with a quote from the book "Original Sin Is a Lie" and moving through Genesis, Romans 7, and even a scene from Harry Potter, I am wrestling with the difference between capacity and essence between being capable of harm and being defined by it.

Reflecting on my own childhood and the experience of watching my kid instinctively show generosity, I am ask whether starting with shame shapes a different nervous system than starting with dignity. This isn’t an attempt to burn anything down, but an invitation to widen the space and reconsider the foundation we build on.

If something in this conversation resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at clemenzwithaz@gmail.com, or send me a DM over on Instagram at @clemenzwithazpodcast.

If you want to support the podcast financially, you can head over to ClemenzWithAZ.com, there’s a merch store there with shirts, stickers, all kinds of stuff. You can also donate directly through the GoFundMe, the link’s in the show notes. Every bit goes a long way in helping me keep these conversations going.

And if you’re looking for something a little more regular, check out my Substack: Devotions for the Disillusioned & Deconstructing. That’s where I share short reflections, devotionals, and some extra behind-the-scenes thoughts that don’t always make it onto the podcast.

And of course, the best way you can support the show is by subscribing, rating, and leaving a review wherever you listen to podcasts. Share it with a friend, post it on your socials, drop it in a group chat, it all helps more than you know.

This podcast keeps going because of listeners like you showing up, engaging, and passing it on. So thank you for being here, for listening, and for being part of this messy middle with me.

Until next time, take care of yourselves, and each other.