Why Didn't You Tell Me?

A Memoir

By: Carmen Rita Wong

Narrated by: Carmen Rita Wong

An immigrant mother’s long-held secrets upend her daughter’s understanding of her family, her identity, and her place in the world in this powerful and dramatic memoir

“Riveting . . . [Wong] tells her story in vivid conversational prose that will make readers feel they’re listening to a master storyteller on a long car trip. . . . Hers is a hero’s journey.”—The New York Times Book Review

ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: PopSugar, Kirkus Reviews

My mother carried a powerful secret. A secret that shaped my life and the lives of everyone around me in ways she could not have imagined.

Carmen Rita Wong has always craved a sense of belonging: First as a toddler in a warm room full of Black and brown Latina women, like her mother, Lupe, cheering her dancing during her childhood in Harlem. And in Chinatown, where her immigrant father, “Papi” Wong, a hustler, would show her and her older brother off in opulent restaurants decorated in red and gold. Then came the almost exclusively white playgrounds of New Hampshire after her mother married her stepfather, Marty, who seemed to be the ideal of the white American dad.

As Carmen entered this new world with her new family—Lupe and Marty quickly had four more children—her relationship with her mother became fraught with tension, suspicion, and conflict, explained only years later by the secrets her mother had kept for so long.

And when those secrets were revealed, bringing clarity to so much of Carmen’s life, it was too late for answers. When her mother passed away, Carmen wanted to shake her soul by its shoulders and demand: Why didn’t you tell me?

A former national television host, advice columnist, and professor, Carmen searches to understand who she really is as she discovers her mother’s hidden history, facing the revelations that seep out. Why Didn’t You Tell Me? is a riveting and poignant story of Carmen’s experience of race and culture in America and how they shape who we think we are.

©2022 Carmen Rita Wong (P)2022 Random House Audio

Thank you…

As a person with a very complicated family “history” , this was so refreshing. I was in tears through part of and had to pause a couple of times. Your willingness to lean into the mess of life was so uplifting. So again, thank you!

Fantástic listen

I loved this story. I did not know about CRW until I heard a podcast with her. What an amazing story. Read by the author.

Finally we can be out in the open about our family history

This story could have been mine except the island was in Polynesia and NZ was the America. Captivating. Tear jerking - due to my own unexpressed family secrets & child self for holding them. Also spoke to the resiliency of human spirit & connectivity of groups of people. Thank you for sharing so that I can be braver about my own family stories and secrets 💫

Amazing story loved it

Well, written story amazingly told couldn’t stop listening to it. a must read. Four stars.

Ok.

I had no idea who the author is when I purchased the book. I like memoirs so I thought it looked interesting and purchased it for a long drive. While this book kept my interest mildly, it felt like it was trying really hard to be impactful but fell short. It seemed to have gaps in the storyline. Not one of my favorites.

Wow

Wow! What an amazing story! I finished it in one day. I love that they used her own voice for the audible version.

It’s Complicated

A gripping tale of the author’s challenges of living in a family of mixed races and cultures, and her quest to find her own identity. There are secrets, and the secrets have secrets!
Read by the author with passion, humor, anger, and grief. 5 stars on every level!

Highly Recommend!

Amazing and heart felt story that truly shows the racism and sexism in this country, but it also gives such hope in the idea of what family and identity mean. I highly recommend this book! Carmen Rita Wong is so insightful on the many stories throughout her life, and I hope this book has been a success for her!

Wong's writing is so compelling, I could listen to her describe the most mundane of chores and hold onto every word

pulled an all nighter despite having a big flight in the morning. gripping and so wonderfully told

Couldn’t stop listening

This resonates with me in so many ways. I didn’t know who Carmen was before but I am now a huge fan. She does an excellent job reading it and conveying all of them humor and emotion on the page. I couldn’t ‘put it down’