adbl_ms_membershipImage_includedwith_altText_B076FLV3HT
adbl_ms_membershipImage_includedwith_altText_B076FLV3HT

1 audiobook of your choice.
Stream or download thousands of included titles.
$14.95 a month after 30 day trial. Cancel anytime.
Buy for $24.49

Buy for $24.49

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's Summary

How do today's parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our 20- and even 30-somethings who can't seem to grow up? Who can we turn to when the kids aren't all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed? In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist who's been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns when our grown kids have failed to thrive. She listens to a generation that "did everything right" and expected its children to grow into happy, healthy, successful adults. But they haven't, at least not yet - and meanwhile, we're letting their problems threaten our health, marriages, security, freedom, careers, retirement, and other family relationships.

With warmth, empathy, and perspective, Dr. Adams offers a positive, life-affirming message to parents who are still trying to "fix" their adult children - Stop! She shows us how to separate from their problems without separating from them, and how to be a positive force in their lives while getting on with our own.

©2003 Jane Adams (P)2016 Tantor

More from the same

What listeners say about When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    44
  • 4 Stars
    14
  • 3 Stars
    7
  • 2 Stars
    2
  • 1 Stars
    6
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    44
  • 4 Stars
    8
  • 3 Stars
    11
  • 2 Stars
    2
  • 1 Stars
    2
Story
  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    38
  • 4 Stars
    13
  • 3 Stars
    10
  • 2 Stars
    2
  • 1 Stars
    5

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Spot On!

I have been struggling to move on from my adult son for almost a decade and this book reinforced the decisions I am making are positive and I can finally move forward without the guilt.

The advise in this book has been monumental for me to hear and know that my story isnt unique, its a text book story for the parents of addicts and we have tomlet go and move on.

great book.

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Was hoping for more

The basic messages are 1. accept that your kids’ choices are not your fault, 2. Learn to detach, 3. Get on with your own life. I did journal a good quote from this book... “now is the only time I can make any difference”, so at least I got that. This audiobook was difficult to listen to, the author narrates herself, and she does not have a good narration voice. I’m glad the book was as short as it was, otherwise I would have had a hard time finishing it.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

Purposeful Parenting

I wish I bought this book before having kids so that I woukd have known what to expect and be better prepared for it. just the way the author could explain the very challenges I face(albeit on a much minor scale) definitely helped to ease and understand some of the frustration that a parent can face with adult children. Jane, everything in this book is useful, if not for ourself, but for some other adult child who is just not thriving. The book was such a great comfort to the issues I faced, that I went back over them again and again. I feel much better equipped now.What a relief to know I wasn't alone, an even greater relief that our issues can be remedied. Thanks Jane

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

I'm about to read it again.

I've read many, many books on this subject including Al Anon books. They all have their place and time. But this book captures them all.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

3 hours in. 3 hours of other people's problems.

The title and writeup imply that the book will answer the question of WHAT TO DO. I assume there's advice in there at the end, and it probably only takes 30 minutes to lay out. But publishers don't like 30 minute audiobooks.. So the first hours get filled up with personal stories of other parents and their problems with their kids... WITHOUT ANY HINT OF SOLUTIONS.

I don't care if there's advice at the end or not - I don't like to be taken advantage of, nor do I like wasting my time. And frankly, if the author can't provide anything helpful in the first several hours, I find it unlikely she has any truly actionable solutions.

I think the positive reviews are from parents who are simply celebrating the realization that they are not responsible for solving their adult kids' problems. Well of course they're not. If they didn't already know this... That's sad. What is needed next is advice on how to deal with the intrusive, unwanted thoughts about all the suffering the adult kids are going through and likely will for their whole lives. It is very depressing, distracting and reading about more depressing situations... How is that supposed to help?

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

EXACTLY THE ADVICE I NEEDED

Cold hard discussion about this issue. My daughter’s are both going through changes I’d like to work through with them. This book helped me to figure out how to do that and prioritize my life. Being their friend, however detached, and allow them to lead their own lives as they see fit.
THANK YOU Dr Jane Evan’s PhD

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Big disappointment and frustrating!

chapter after chapter is about describing pain that we're in without any suggested resolution!! I already know that I'm hurting and that's why I bought this book! I'm very frustrated to have my pain described me in so many different ways without any resolution suggestions! I can do that all by myself without any book telling me I'm hurting. what a waste! thanks for rubbing salt in my wounds.

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

i struggled to finish

I was hoping for more suggestions or guidence on teaching. when to say no to enabling verses yes to helping.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars

this book helped me tremendously

perfect read for this time in my life. I am 61 my daughter is 26. she is addicted to heroin and her 4 month old was taken by child protective services. She has chosen drugs over her son at this point. (he is in foster care and is currently 11 months old). I hope she straightens out before it's too late, but I cannot make her go to rehab. I had to distance myself. She will go when she is ready.

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Too many sad stories

Good inspiration to know you're not alone and that you don't need to feel guilty for your adults. It just took too long to get to the end.