When Our Grown Kids Disappoint Us

Letting Go of Their Problems, Loving Them Anyway, and Getting on with Our Lives
Narrated by: Jane Adams
4.5 out of 5 stars

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Publisher's Summary

How do today's parents cope when the dreams we had for our children clash with reality? What can we do for our 20- and even 30-somethings who can't seem to grow up? Who can we turn to when the kids aren't all right and we, their parents, are frightened, frustrated, resentful, embarrassed, and especially, disappointed? In this groundbreaking book, a social psychologist who's been chronicling the lives of American families for over two decades confronts our deepest concerns when our grown kids have failed to thrive. She listens to a generation that "did everything right" and expected its children to grow into happy, healthy, successful adults. But they haven't, at least not yet - and meanwhile, we're letting their problems threaten our health, marriages, security, freedom, careers, retirement, and other family relationships.

With warmth, empathy, and perspective, Dr. Adams offers a positive, life-affirming message to parents who are still trying to "fix" their adult children - Stop! She shows us how to separate from their problems without separating from them, and how to be a positive force in their lives while getting on with our own.

©2003 Jane Adams (P)2016 Tantor
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What members say

Overall Ratings

  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    34
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    8
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Customer Reviews

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5 out of 5 stars
By Amazon Customer on 06-18-19

Spot On!

I have been struggling to move on from my adult son for almost a decade and this book reinforced the decisions I am making are positive and I can finally move forward without the guilt.

The advise in this book has been monumental for me to hear and know that my story isnt unique, its a text book story for the parents of addicts and we have tomlet go and move on.

great book.

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3 people found this helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Michelle A on 07-18-18

Purposeful Parenting

I wish I bought this book before having kids so that I woukd have known what to expect and be better prepared for it. just the way the author could explain the very challenges I face(albeit on a much minor scale) definitely helped to ease and understand some of the frustration that a parent can face with adult children. Jane, everything in this book is useful, if not for ourself, but for some other adult child who is just not thriving. The book was such a great comfort to the issues I faced, that I went back over them again and again. I feel much better equipped now.What a relief to know I wasn't alone, an even greater relief that our issues can be remedied. Thanks Jane

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2 people found this helpful

5 out of 5 stars
By Tabitha on 08-01-16

I'm about to read it again.

I've read many, many books on this subject including Al Anon books. They all have their place and time. But this book captures them all.

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3 people found this helpful

4 out of 5 stars
By Jacquie C. Dickerson on 01-31-20

Too many sad stories

Good inspiration to know you're not alone and that you don't need to feel guilty for your adults. It just took too long to get to the end.

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3 out of 5 stars
By Englund Family on 12-03-19

Was hoping for more

The basic messages are 1. accept that your kids’ choices are not your fault, 2. Learn to detach, 3. Get on with your own life. I did journal a good quote from this book... “now is the only time I can make any difference”, so at least I got that. This audiobook was difficult to listen to, the author narrates herself, and she does not have a good narration voice. I’m glad the book was as short as it was, otherwise I would have had a hard time finishing it.

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2 out of 5 stars
By SOPHIA SAGE on 09-05-19

Weak no real solutions

Empathic but weak on solutions because she completely ignores how the American dream has been stolen from our children at all levels of our society by a tsunami of invaders.

THIS is the social, economic reason American adult millennials are far g to thrive all Americans generally.

its not our parenting which has been better with each generation.

overall waste of my hard earned credit don't buy

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1 person found this helpful

1 out of 5 stars
By teresa leonard on 12-05-16

superficial advice, noting nothing knew .

the material was superficial, learned nothing new that I have not already realized myself, without a P.H.D. I expected in depth insight into practical ways to change my behavior. disappointing, would not recommend.

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1 person found this helpful

4 out of 5 stars
By Niel on 06-12-17

Great book for parents with older kids title misleading

As a parent of an older child , this book has given me a space to listen and be , interesting how we experience similar thoughts but we dont have a platform to put it out there

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