The Woman They Wanted

Shattering the Illusion of the Good Christian Wife

By: Shannon Harris

Narrated by: Shannon Harris

As a twenty-three-year-old singer and the soon-to-be wife of youth pastor Joshua Harris, nothing in Shannon Harris's secular upbringing prepared her to enter the world of conservative Christianity. Soon Joshua's bestselling book I Kissed Dating Goodbye helped inspire a national purity movement, and Shannon's identity became "pastor's wife."

The Woman They Wanted recounts Shannon's remarkable experience inside Big Church—where she was asked to live within a narrow definition of womanhood for almost two decades—and her subsequent journey out of that world and into a more authentic version of herself. Entering conservative American Christianity was like being drawn out to sea, she writes, inexorable and all consuming. Slowly, her worldview was narrowed, her motivations questioned, her behavior examined, until she had been whittled down to an idealized version of femininity envisioned as an extension of her husband and the church. However, when Sovereign Grace Ministries fell apart due to leadership conflicts and Shannon found herself outside church circles for the first time in years, she heard her intuition calling to her again. As she began to shake off the fog of depression and confusion, that voice grew louder. In honoring it, she awakened to the realities in which she had been trapped and found her truest self.

©2023 Shannon Harris (P)2023 eChristian

A Must Read

Very clear and thoughtful examination of the trauma from church. Helpful in understanding how one might end up in a life never imagined.

Compelling, personal story

Because I come from a religiously conservative background, I found her story to be very relatable and interesting. It helped me to hear her personal story and the changes she made in her life to come into her own person. I’m glad she shared her story.

Important wake up

Personal story of how an ultra conservative church pidgeon holes and disenfranchises women. rather than protecting peoples faith they push believers to a crisis of faith. Important memoir that answers most of the questions people have about this couple. Minus stars for literary style and reading.

The fruit of truth

Thank you for sharing your story and living courageously. This message needs to be spoken.

Great look into extreme Evangelical Christianity

A riveting and enlightening description of what Shannon encountered in a cult like church. It is a clear warning of many pitfalls one might encounter in the church. Her words resonated so much for me, a deconstructing millenial with religious trauma.