The Impossible Childhood of My Desires

By: Rick R. Reed

Narrated by: Adam Stone

Length: 6 hrs and 54 mins

Publisher's summary

Carl Young’s biggest secret: he’s always felt like Cara Young. Through the years, he acknowledged his authentic female self in ways he kept hidden in the shadows. The makeup, the dresses, the shoes -- all of them represented his most longed-for desires and his deepest shame.

When Carl’s husband Roberto comes home early from work to discover Cara in her wig, makeup, dress, and high heels, he’s shocked. Who is this person he married decades ago? He flees, leaving their home in Chicago for the obliviousness of the sunny skies of Southern California.

Cara begins making tentative steps into a world she imagined would always remain secret. She ventures out, dressing the only way she feels whole. Publicly claiming her identity, she’s terrified, but also filled with joy when she discovers there are others like her, people who will welcome her with open arms and support.

But for both Roberto and Cara, their long-term and love-filled marriage is now a challenge with which they both must reckon. Does her transition mean following separate paths? Or forging a new one...together?

©2022 Rick R. Reed (P)2023 Rick R. Reed

Emotional Listening

This was a really hard listen at times, but also beautifully told and well performed by the narrator. I loved Cara learning to fully embrace living her life authentically, and it’s ultimately a hopeful story, I think. But, goodness the journey is brutal for both Cara and husband Roberto. I didn’t love all of their choices certainly, Roberto really struggles to figure out how to move forward, if that is even possible for them. I especially loved the flashbacks to Cara’s youth, it was a really effective way to better understand her story. Cara has an important story to tell, it’s messy and moving, but the outcome was wonderfully realized and rewarding.

Terrific listen

This is a new narrator for me and he did a fabulous job. This storyline showed the struggle that a couple has when one decides to be their true selves. This journey was hard and they both learned about themselves along the way. I really enjoyed this one.

Sweet, honest journey to authenticity

Overall, I loved The Impossible Childhood of My Desire. The plot was believable, the emotions felt true, and the growth of both characters was authentic. It started up a little slowly but once I got a couple of chapters in I wanted to keep listening to the end.

Regarding the audio version, I found Adam Stone’s voicing soothing, which matched well with Carl/Cara but his accents and cadence for Roberto and some of the other secondary characters felt a little stilted. Additionally, Stone mispronounced a just enough words to be distracting (id pronounced I.D, like identification not ihd like the concept of ego and id; respite said reh-spite not reh-spit; a few others…).

Overall, I would recommend the book but for a reread I’d read it rather than listen. That said, I did find listening enjoyable and would encourage anyone who likes audio books or needs books read to give this one a listen. The story is a good one.

Incredibly moving

If you are looking for a book that takes you inside the lives of two characters as they face decisions about who they will be both apart and together do not miss this book. This story of how Carl finally decides to live the life he's always felt was really his, what immediate and long term effects that has on his marriage to Roberto and Roberto's story as he tries to figure out how to deal with the changes to his life and his marriage will break your heart, fill you with pride and inspire you to be yourself, whatever that means and whatever it costs. Adam Stone brings these complex characters to life and makes you feel everything from the highs to the lows in an intense performance.

Do not recommend to my trans siblings.

Some items to note right off the bat:

- the majority of this story is a separated married couple working through their own stuff and not together for most of the story. There is an epilogue and technically a HEA, so I guess this is still classified as romance, but there's next to 0 romance or on page couple time of the leads in this.
- this has the leads having relationships with other people in the middle of the book.
- this is not a MM romance; this is a MF romance with a cis man and trans woman.
- there is so much transph*bia and hom*phobia in this.


This was... not enjoyable. If reading about constant transph*bia, hom*phobia, misgendering, and atrocities cis people do or say to trans folks is something you aren't sensitive to, this book may work for you. As a trans person, this book was trauma p*rn wrapped in a romance book bow. Reading endless awful encounters Cara faces as she exists was so depressing. The moment something good happens for her, it's ripped away with someone doing something awful.

This also has some very outdated language and thoughts surrounding trans folks. This is a romance with an older (50+) coming out, so I think there's a lot of grace in that aspect of finding the words or language to self-identify with, and after some time, Cara does figure out what works and doesn't work for her. I don't think Cara needed to be continuously misgendered up until the epilogue of the story. There are flashback scenes that are full of slurs and bullying, which felt like more trauma dumping.

This was so frustrating to read. This didn't feel like a romance, or any kind of trans exploration - more just an author fantasizing about all the ways to hurt trans women and write a book with all of them included. Exploitative is a really good description of this story.


I received an audio arc of this book from GRR. I do not recommend this book to any trans readers.

I Normally Love Reed...

I have listened to and read some really sexy trans stories, but this is not one of them. I am not up-to- date on all of the trans lingo, but I squirmed a bit at some of the words. There was really only one secures encounter, and it was almost rape. There was no positive role models for Cara, which befriends a closet elderly person who has never lived his truth and a trans ex-meth addict. The only really good part to this story is that Cara finally gets counseling... but it is in the final act.