The Dance of Connection

By: Harriet Lerner

Narrated by: Harriet Lerner

Length: 4 hrs and 38 mins

Publisher's summary

In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:

• We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable
• We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate
• We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior
• We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation
• We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line"
• We are convinced that we've tried everything, and nothing changes

Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.

Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.

©1999 Harriet Lerner (P)2001 HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

Excellent Content! Listen to it 1.25x faster.

What made the experience of listening to The Dance of Connection the most enjoyable?

The book is practical and insightful, with a lot of excellent examples.

What other book might you compare The Dance of Connection to and why?

The dance of anger

Which character – as performed by Harriet Lerner – was your favorite?

All of them. As she mentioned, do not skip any examples. Even you don't have kids, don't skip the example of mother and her child. The same communication principle will help you in other circumstances.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Let other people worry about their things.

Any additional comments?

I found this book after reading the dance of anger. I was having a lot of relationship issues - with my husband, my in-laws, and my co-workers. This book has provided quite a few excellent examples. I listened to it again and again and have started to apply the same principles in different cases. I have found that letting people deal with their own issues instead of trying to solving the problems for them makes me so much happier and less stressed about my own life.

So useful and thoughtful!

This book provides a lot to think about as well as useful tools for becoming a better listener communicator friend and partner!

So helpful

This book had so many helpful passages that I bookmarked. I would recommend this to anyone. The book deals with communicating with family members and difficult conversations you need to have with your loved ones. Definitely worth the listen.

very easy to apply instantly...Will re-read

great book. points easy to apply. a must for couples trying to improve communication skills.

great info

the information was great. delivery, not so much. if u can get through the monotone, u will b fine.

Connection Dance

This book was very informative and helpful. I like the stories. It contains practical help. Thank you Harriett Lerner. Your books have helped me greatly learn to dance without stepping on toes or choosing to sit one out.

Good info but dated

Good but dated. The narrators voice is monotone and made me drowsy but a good read no less.

good book, didnt like the performance

the reader was monotone and talked very slowly. hard to pay attention but i liked the content of the book and found it helpful.

Insightful with actionable content

I really loved how insightful and fresh the content was in this book. Plus, the author offered many examples of exactly what to say, and how and why to say it, when dealing with tricky relationship issues. Definitely worth reading! I could do without the weird piano music in between sections though. It had an outdated vibe to it that reminded me of an after-school special or a film strip about teenage pregnancy from the 90s. I listened at 1.2 speed and was tempted to speed it up even more because the slow, quiet narration often caused me to lose focus. But even so, the content is so good that it’s worth it to struggle through the slow pace. I hope they’ll consider a fresh recording so more people can make it through this book. Lord knows we all need to get better at connection!

Insightful, step-wise approach to communication

Excellent, insightful book on how to understand yourself and your loved ones in moments of frustration. Great guide on self-acceptance and acceptance of others with concrete steps to improve communication. I will probably read the hard copy to really absorb it. Also, a lot of overlap with Brene Brown's work if you are interested! Listen at 1.3-1.5x speed.