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Publisher's Summary

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are "walking on eggshells" to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is yes, someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder (BPD) - a mood disorder that causes negative self-image, emotional instability, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships.

Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped more than a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this difficult disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised third edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research on comorbidity, extensive new information about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), the effectiveness of schema therapy, and coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD or NPD sufferer in your life. This compassionate guide will enable you to:

  • Make sense out of the chaos
  • Stand up for yourself and assert your needs
  • Defuse arguments and conflicts
  • Protect yourself and others from violent behavior
©2020 Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreger (P)2021 Tantor

What listeners say about Stop Walking on Eggshells, Third Edition

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From someone who has BPD

So I started reading "walking on eggshells" last week and immediately felt attacked and hated the author for having no empathy for us.

My boyfriend/ex (it's complicated) is reading it at the same time and said he cried many times as he's been reading it because it's putting how he's felt in our relationship into words that he couldn't do himself. He says he wished he read this a year ago before things were really falling apart. And he said it doesn't make him hate me like I feared, it actually makes him love for me more and understand me more. He has a lot of Sympathy for the emotional turmoil he's starting to see is going on inside of me. I've noticed lately when I have an episode his first thought is not to get upset but to say something like "it must be really hard to feel that way how can I help?"

After taking a break I tried to pick the book up again and tried to approach it with my guard down. The doctors who wrote it are extremely blunt and honestly it's nice to have someone not sugarcoat it and call it for what it is when you get past it. I too have cried many times reading it. It's very tough but It is helping me to understand the effect I have on those close to me and though it makes me feel really bad it's also been affecting my choices and I've been less snippy and thinking about what comes out of my mouth more often before letting it out. It's a completely different perspective from what I'm used to seeing.

Before this book, I didn't realize that a lot of the things I do that I chalked up to just who I am, are actually from BPD. And I'm realizing that I've completely lost perspective on who this guy in my life is. Over time he has become this secretly awful and devious person in my life and I'm now seeing that I made him responsible for all of our problems and though he isn't perfect he is actually a really good guy. I didn't realize how much I was hurting him.

I think this book can be really powerful for us because we don't actually want to hurt the ones around us and the more we understand how it is affecting others the more likely we will be to work on controlling it.

And yes even though it is very straightforward and can even seem cruel, there are also plenty of moments when the book expresses a deep empathy for us and goes out of their way to say that we can't help how we are and that we are experiencing extremely powerful emotions every single day that take over us. They actually explained it quite well.

If you do pick up this book please don't shove the whole thing down your throat at once. It will be a lot to take in. Take it in bits and pieces as it feels okay to you. But I do recommend it.

28 people found this helpful

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Who knew?!

This book was a huge help. It helped me understand my twin sister who I assumed was just hostile and angry like our father. Turns out she and my Dad both have BPD. All these years I took everything she said personally, and through her years of manipulation I felt I was the problem.

Now I know, that her BPD turns logic and reason into an endless argument. She will always victimize herself after she berates me and says the most messed up nasty things she can think of.

It’s very liberating to know she has a disorder of the mind and can’t help what she says. Also a load off knowing it’s not me that’s the problem, it’s the hurt within herself. I literally felt the stress and worry lift from my shoulders after listening to this audible.

Thank you for writing this book!!

17 people found this helpful

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I wish I would have read this sooner! Please read!

I couldn't put it down! My situation was poster child for BPD. it will help you deciding if your relationship is worth saving.

8 people found this helpful

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Amazing!

I feel like someone has been following me around and documenting my life! This book has helped so much, I now understand that I am not alone, I have lived with a man with BPD for over 20 years and was at a breaking point. I honestly can’t begin to tell you the relief I have from this. Thank you so much for all the information provided. It has changed my life!

7 people found this helpful

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It’s great

I really learned a lot. After 8 years of seeking some concrete guidance regarding how to deal with an affected loved one, and also save myself, it finally arrived in the form of this book. Thank you!

6 people found this helpful

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mother of a bpd son

This book was very helpful. It is one hell of a rollercoaster loving someone with BPD. I will take any education that I can get to help my son and myself !

5 people found this helpful

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Very helpful.

This book is filled with information and strategies for handling life with a BPD. It has helped me be able to identify even my own areas of opportunity.

4 people found this helpful

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Sadly negative and could ruin a persons self love or relationship

I wish the honesty in the book had a more positive impact maybe towards the end. some positive reinforcement that a person with that disorder could have a positive and healthy and fulfilling life and relationship.

4 people found this helpful

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great souce of information

This book is a great source of information, I wish more authorities will be more educated on this topic, this could save many people, and help us to have a better communities. The need of experts on bpd in court rooms is evident, each judge should be working hand to hand with a specialist. This book should be mandatory to read for all judges. Excellent book! 👍👏

3 people found this helpful

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understanding bpd, perspective, tools, and choices

Excellent. Will read several times and share with others.
Essential to improving my life. Will recommend.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 03-18-21

Low hanging fruit

There is a lot of reasonable advice, but it all seems self-evident and easy to do. The hard decisions are not given as much attention in my opinion. Also, the assumption is made that the reader is psychologically healthy and that their loved one has borderline or narcissism. From this assumption, it is always assumed that criticism the loved one provides is not the point of any conversation, because it must be based on out-of-control emotions. The reader is constantly reassured and less emphasized is a more critical approach to oneself.

Given that many people with borderline have frequent interaction with healthcare, I find this subject glossed over rather superficially. Also, I don't agree with some of the advice on this topic.

The narration is great. The only point I will make here is that it might be a good idea to add a pdf with references and websites and such, instead of reading each URL aloud.

So the target audience is the person who believes their loved one has borderline or narcissism, believes they themselves are to blame for everything that happens in the relationship. For this person, this book could be quite helpful. If you are a healthcare professional or researcher, this book might not teach you much.

1 person found this helpful

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  • k
  • 02-02-22

Kinder than some other books

I'd say this book is "okay". It gives a good explanation of the disorder, and some really good tips on setting boundaries. Unfortunately the biggest narrative that you can find in most books about BPD is painting them very much as villains. This book to be fair was a lot kinder than some others I've read, but there were still occasions where that was felt. On the whole it wasn't too bad. For what I'm looking for (a book to pass on to parents), it's the best of the bunch, but still haven't quite found a kind enough book yet.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 03-30-21

Best explanation on BPD

I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to truly understand a person with BPD.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-19-21

Stop walking on eggshells, third edition

The book I needed to understand my son's behaviour and why I always reacted to him the way I did. Gave me strategies to manage my frustrations and to support him with love. Acknowledging his fears has changed the way I speak to him