You’ve probably heard the phrase before that “nice guys finish last.” But is there any truth to it? That’s what we’re talking about in today’s show. We’re going to discuss how being overly agreeable has the potential to diminish sex appeal, while also interfering with one’s own sexual pleasure. As my guest today likes to say, nice guys need to learn how to say no sometimes.

I am joined once again by Caitlin V, a sex and relationship coach specializing in helping men overcome sexual difficulties. With over 150MM views on YouTube and nearly a million subscribers, she has become a leading voice in the field. Her TV show, Good Sex, is available for streaming now on Discovery+ and Max.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• What does being a “nice guy” actually mean?
• Do nice guys really finish last when it comes to sex and dating?
• How do you walk the line between being confident and assertive in the bedroom without venturing into entitlement?
• How can men start to embrace their sexual desires more authentically?

You can check out Caitlin’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin.

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

If you want to get better at sex, what do you need to know? In today’s show, we’re talking all about how men can become better lovers, including how to build sexual confidence, how to deal with performance pressure, as well as tips and tricks for improving your sexual technique.

My guest today is Caitlin V, a sex and relationship coach specializing in helping men overcome sexual difficulties. With over 150MM views on YouTube and nearly a million subscribers, she has become a leading voice in the field. Her TV show, Good Sex, is available for streaming now on Discovery+ and Max.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are some things men can do to cultivate their sexual confidence?
• How can men focus more on pleasure instead of getting fixated on performance?
• How can changing up your masturbation routine help when it comes to having better partnered sex?
• What are some ways you can get better at using your hands during sex?

You can check out Caitlin’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray, as well as their Volume + Taste Enhancer. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin.

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

“Slut” is a powerful term that has historically been used as an indictment of women’s moral character. And as my guest today explains, as long as terms like this retain their power, we’re never going to have true gender equality in the bedroom. She argues that it’s well past time to reclaim the word slut once and for all, so let’s talk about it.

I am joined once again by Dr. Hilary Caldwell, a sex worker, author, academic, and sexologist. Her bold political memoir, Slutdom: Reclaiming Shame-Free Sexuality, challenges the enduring impact of slut shaming and argues for a world in which everyone can pursue pleasure without fear, stigma, or coercion.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What does it mean to reclaim the world “slut,” and why is it important?
• Why is reclaiming sexual slurs controversial?
• What does it really mean to be sexually empowered?
• How can we become more sexually empowered?

You can check out Hilary’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 60% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

There’s a surprising amount of anti-masturbation content on social media, much of it suggesting that masturbation is bad for your health. In today’s show, we’re going to delve into whether abstaining from masturbation actually boosts testosterone, whether you can really become “addicted” to masturbating, what science says about the purported health benefits of semen retention, and more.

In this episode, we’re revisiting a conversation with Dr. Eric Sprankle, which originally aired back in episode 275. Dr. Sprankle is an Associate Professor of Clinical Psychology and the co-director of the Sexuality Studies program at Minnesota State University, Mankato. He’s also a licensed clinical psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, as well as author of the book, DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History and Science of Masturbation.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why is the concept of semen retention increasingly popular?
• Are there any health benefits to abstaining from ejaculation?
• Is an orgasm obtained from self-pleasure really any different from an orgasm obtained through partnered sex?
• Can women become “addicted” to their vibrators?
• Is there an objective standard for what constitutes “too much” masturbation?

You can check out Eric’s website to learn more about his work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Boost your sexual confidence and performance with Popstar Delay Spray. Save 20% off your first order by using “Justin” as the discount code at popstarlabs.com/justin.

I’m excited to announce a new online course I’m teaching on the topic of fantasies at the Kinsey Institute. Be sure to register for “The New Science of Sexual Fantasies” workshop, which will take place on July 19th, 2025.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Men are much more likely to report having paid for sex than women; however, there are probably more women paying for sex than we think. In today’s show, we’re going to do a deep dive into the world of women who pay for sex. We’ll be exploring what their experiences are like, why some women see paying for sex as being safer than having casual sex, and more.

My guest is Dr. Hilary Caldwell, a sex worker, author, academic, and sexologist. Her bold political memoir, Slutdom: Reclaiming Shame-Free Sexuality, challenges the enduring impact of slut shaming and argues for a world in which everyone can pursue pleasure without fear, stigma, or coercion.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• Why is there less research on women who pay for sexual services relative to men?
• How common is it for women to have paid for sex before?
• Why do some women who patronize sex workers don’t consider themselves to have bought sex?
• What are some of the main motivations for women to purchase sexual services?
• What are women’s experiences with purchasing sex like? Do they tend to feel stigmatized?

You can check out Hilary’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

Imagine you just met an attractive stranger and want to strike up a conversation. What are you going to say? More often than not, people play it safe and stick to small talk, but that makes it hard to really connect with someone. In today’s show, we’re going to discuss tips for moving beyond the small talk and establishing deeper, more authentic connections, as well as tips for improving sexual communication.

I am joined once again by Lindsay Jill Roth, an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally. She is also author of the new book Romances & Practicalities, which is based on a set of 250 research-backed questions designed to help you initiate tricky conversations and find lasting love.

Some of the topics we explore include:

• What are we doing wrong when it comes to getting to know others?
• How can we ask more meaningful questions to people we’re romantically interested in?
• What are some other good conversation starters for getting to know someone?
• How do you normalize conversations about sex with a new partner?
• How can talking about sex outside of the bedroom help us in the bedroom?

You can check out Lindsay’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has been a trusted source for scientific knowledge and research on critical issues in sexuality, gender, and reproduction for over 75 years. Learn about more research and upcoming events at kinseyinstitute.org or look for them on social media @kinseyinstitute.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.

The way that many of us are approaching romantic relationships is all wrong. We’re not prioritizing the things that really matter when selecting our partners. In today’s show, we’re going to talk about the conversations you need to be having with a potential partner in order to develop deeper connections and establish long-term compatibility.

My guest is Lindsay Jill Roth, an award-winning television and live-events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally. She is also author of the new book Romances & Practicalities, which is based on a set of 250 research-backed questions designed to help you initiate tricky conversations and find lasting love.

Some of the specific topics we explore include:

• What are we doing wrong when it comes to selecting relationship partners?
• How can being more pragmatic in your approach to relationships help to build a stronger foundation for love?
• Why is money management a vital issue to discuss with a potential partner?
• Beyond finances, what are some other key topics we should be discussing?
• How do you initiate conversations about topics that many people are uncomfortable discussing?

You can check out Lindsay’s website to learn more about her work.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors!

Expand your sexual horizons with Beducated! Featuring more than 100 online courses taught by the experts, Beducated brings pleasure-based sex ed directly into your bedroom. Enjoy a free trial today and get 50% off their yearly pass by using LEHMILLER as the coupon code. To redeem this offer, visit: https://beducate.me/lehmiller-june

Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, Google, or Amazon. Subscribe to automatically receive new episodes and please rate and review the podcast!

Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.