Rip-Off!

By: John Scalzi, Jack Campbell, Mike Resnick, Allen Steele, Lavie Tidhar, Nancy Kress, Gardner Dozois - editor

Narrated by: Wil Wheaton, Scott Brick, Christian Rummel, Jonathan Davis, Stefan Rudnicki, L. J. Ganser, Khristine Hvam

Length: 11 hrs and 58 mins

Publisher's summary

Audie Award Finalist, Original Work, 2014

In Rip-Off!, 13 of today’s best and most honored writers of speculative fiction face a challenge even they would be hard-pressed to conceive: Pick your favorite opening line from a classic piece of fiction (or even non-fiction) - then use it as the first sentence of an entirely original short story.

In the world of Rip-Off!, "Call me Ishmael" introduces a tough-as-nails private eye - who carries a harpoon; The Wonderful Wizard of Oz inspires the tale of an aging female astronaut who’s being treated by a doctor named Dorothy Gale; and Huckleberry Finn leads to a wild ride with a foul-mouthed riverboat captain who plies the waters of Hell.

Once you listen to Rip-Off! you’ll agree: If Shakespeare or Dickens were alive today, they’d be ripping off the authors in this great collection.

The stories included in Rip-Off! are:

• "Fireborn" by Robert Charles Wilson
• "The Evening Line" by Mike Resnick
• "No Decent Patrimony" by Elizabeth Bear
• "The Big Whale" by Allen M. Steele
• "Begone" by Daryl Gregory
• "The Red Menace" by Lavie Tidhar
• "Muse of Fire" by John Scalzi
• "Writer’s Block" by Nancy Kress
• "Highland Reel" by Jack Campbell
• "Karin Coxswain or Death as She Is Truly Lived" by Paul Di Filippo
• "The Lady Astronaut of Mars" by Mary Robinette Kowal
• "Every Fuzzy Beast of the Earth, Every Pink Fowl of the Air" by Tad Williams
• "Declaration" by James Patrick Kelly

As a bonus, the authors introduce their stories, explaining what they ripped-off - and why.

Rip-Off! was produced in partnership with SFWA - Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America. Gardner Dozois served as project editor.

The full list of narrators includes: Wil Wheaton, Scott Brick, Christian Rummel, Jonathan Davis, Khristine Hvam, L.J. Ganser, Stefan Rudnicki, David Marantz, Nicola Barber, Dina Pearlman, Allyson Johnson, Marc Vietor, and Ilyana Kadushin.

©2012 Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, Inc. (P)2012 Audible, Inc.

Critic reviews

"Thirteen authors, eight narrators--this themed anthology has something for everyone…. Longtime narrators Scott Brick and Stefan Rudnicki rub elbows with Star Trek alum Wil Wheaton and five others. The varied narrators mean that there's no common delivery style, but it's safe to say that everyone involved was having fun." (AudioFile)

When is a rip-off not a rip-off?

Belying its name, this collection of short stories is an incredibly valuable find for any scifi fan. I listened to this as an audiobook, apparently the only way it was published. What an inspired decision! Each story is introduced by the author, in his/her own voice, and each is read by a different performer. With a stellar lineup of both authors and performers, this was a treat from start to finish. The unifying concept is that the authors were asked to use the first line of a famous book as the first line in their stories. My one quibble is that nowhere could I find a list of all the stories along with the performers’ names, quite a shame since they were all superb. I have attempted to remedy that oversight here, and apologize in advance to any of the performers whose names I misspell.

1) Fireborn by Robert Charles Wilson, read by Christine Van. Wilson begins his story with the first line from a Carl Sandburg Rootabaga Tale: “Sometimes in January, the sky comes down close if we walk on a country road.” I particularly like the way this story incorporated music, dance and art, which are not common subjects in scifi.

2) The Evening Line by Mike Resnick, read by L.J. Ganser. Unbeknownst to me, Resnick has written a number of short stories featuring “Harry the Book” in homage to Damon Runyon. This, his twelfth story about the character, begins with the opening line from Pride and Prejudice: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” Although overlong, I appreciated many of the gags in the story, which was a mashup of scifi, Austen, and Guys & Dolls. I particularly enjoyed the names of the characters, which were lifted directly from Guys & Dolls and twisted (Nathan Detroit becomes Joey Chicago, Benny Southstreet becomes Benny Fifthstreet, Nicely Nicely Johnson becomes Gently Gently Dawkins). Also, at one point a character drinks an “Old Peculiar” – a reference to the Neil Gaiman short story?

3) No Decent Patrimony by Elizabeth Bear and read by the always fantastic Scott Brick begins with a line from Christopher Marlow’s Edward II “My father is deceased.” The story concerns the social strife between generations and classes engendered by life extension. Bear adds some twists to what is a familiar scifi storyline.

4) The Big Whale by Allen M. Steele, read by Christian Rummel. Yes, it’s a reference to Melville, but set in a Raymond Chandler universe. Who knew so many scifi authors were obsessed with detective noir? I loved this story, possibly because I just read Moby Dick a few months ago. What’s not to like about a story that combines “Call me Ishmael” with “I carry a harpoon” ??

5) Begone by Daryl Gregory, read by Jonathan Davis. Were it not for Gregory’s introduction to this story, I’m not sure I would have gotten what was going on right away, but for anyone of a certain age, this story will bring back many memories. Like Gregory, I was disturbed when Dick Sargent replaced Dick York in the role of Darrin Stephens, hapless muggle husband to Elizabeth Montgomery’s Samantha Stephens, a witch in the television series “Bewitched.” I was actually too young to understand the difference between actors and characters and so the switch mystified me and retains a bit of creepiness for me even today. But I may be over it now, thanks to Daryl Gregory therapy. Beginning with the first line from Dickens’ David Copperfield, “Whether I am to be the hero of my own life or whether that station will be held by anyone else, these pages must show,” was a stroke of genius, and the rest of the story is just as brilliant, not to mention meta. It was funny, inventive but also thoughtful, as in lines like this: “Every man tries to forget that we are made from women, by women, for women.” I loved Gregory’s “Raising Stony Mayhall” and this short fiction has made me interested in checking out some of his other work.

6) The Red Menace by Lavie Tidhar, read by Stefan Rudnicki. If the name of the story doesn’t give it away, the fact that the first line “A specter is haunting Europe” is taken from Karl Marx’s The Communist Manifesto should make it clear the story is not about Mars, but rather is an alternate history of WWII. This was quite different from most scifi I have read, but that didn’t surprise me too much. I have read a couple of other Lavie Tidhar stories (in his excellent anthologies of world scifi, which I highly recommend) and enjoy his non-western take on things. I cannot neglect to mention here also, the excellent narration by Rudnicki, who is channeling Michael Ansara’s incredibly deep, resonant and slightly foreign-sounding accent.

7) Muse of Fire by John Scalzi and read—as are all of Scalzi’s audiobooks—by Wil Wheaton. Scalzi pulled his opening line from Shakespeare’s Henry V, “O for a muse of fire that would ascend.” Scalzi’s prodigious imagination produces a so-so story but plenty of great images related to flames and fire, but also just plain old great writing like this: “They were like two puzzle pieces that were not meant to be jammed together.”

8) Writer’s Block by Nancy Kress and read by David Morantz. Starting a story with the famously bad first line “It was a dark and stormy night” (from the book Paul by Edward Bulwer-Lytton) is pretty bold, but it pays off. I particularly liked the twist at the end.

9) Highland Reel by Jack Campbell, read by Nicola Barber. Not to be outdone in hubris, Campbell begins his story with the first line of MacBeth: “When shall we three meet again, in thunder, lightning or in rain?” The story was a mashup of Brigadoon with alternate history that would have benefitted from a less conventional ending.

10) Karin Coxswain or “Death as she is Truly Lived” by Paul Di Filippo and read by Dena Perlman. I have never read anything by Di Filippo and now I probably never will. I should have backed away as soon as he started in about how Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn was the first American Novel and announced his opening line would be taken from that book: “You don’t know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.” I just read that book within the past year and hated it, but I forced myself to get through the whole thing because of its place in the canon. But I only got a few minutes into this coarse, tasteless bit of trash before deciding I could move along down the river to the next story.

11) The Lady Astronaut of Mars by Mary Robinette Kowal, read by Alison Johnson. This story took its opening line from L. Frank Baum’s The Wizard of Oz: “Dorothy lived in the midst of the great Kansas prairies with Uncle Henry, who was a farmer, and Aunt Em, who was the farmer’s wife.” This beautiful, gentle story of growing old, love, loss and yearning was my favorite serious story in the entire collection.

12) Every Fuzzy Beast of the Earth by Tad Williams and read by Mark Vitor began with “First God made heaven and earth” from . . . well, you know what that’s from. This story had me laughing so hard my husband came to find out what was going on. Picture the little girl from Ransom of Red Chief getting into the Garden of Eden and arguing with the angels who are creating it and you have some idea of the chaos. The performance by Mark Vitor, whose sonorous, Shakespearean tones become increasingly harried and incredulous as the story goes along, is the icing on the cake that made this my favorite comedic story in the collection.

13) Declaration by James Patrick Kelly, read by Ilyana Kadushik, opens with “When in the course of human events.” This was a mildly interesting near-future tale in which young students take a class assignment a bit too far. The author says he intended the story as a bit of an admonition to the Matrix films, but I think he misses the point and the story misses the mark.

not just for sci-fi fans

What did you love best about Rip-Off!?

The premise is take a classic line from another story and/or plot of another story and make it their own. All the narration was fabulous as well.There is also a forward from each author about this challenge put before them. I enjoyed all the stories but I will focus on my favorites Mike Resnick's "the evening line" where Harry and Benny give us color commentary on which woman is going to relieve Malone of his winnings from the race. Hilarious!! Including Zombies and Mages. Allen Steeles "the Big Whale" Where Captain Ahab's wife contracts Ishmael, a hard boiled private dick, to investigate her husbands lover Moby. The story starts where Ishmael just got back from doing work on the unlawful termination case of Bartleby the Scrivenor, who, when he went to collect payment, said he would prefer not to lol. Paul de philiipo "death as she has truly lived" All I am going to say about that is it's the story of my (after)life. I love Mark Twain and this is quite a different adventure than Huckleberry Finn had. I laughed out loud through the whole story.

What did you like best about this story?

The above mentioned stories were the top three funny stories. I also want to mention how great john scalzi's and James Patrick Kelly's stories. John scalzi usually writes campy sci-fi stories but "muse of fire" was not at all campy. It was very well written and beautifully narrated by Wil Wheaton. This Confirms what I already suspected Scalzi has agreat imagination and ability to let us see that through his storytelling and Wil Wheaton channels that. James patrick Kelly's "declaration" was an interesting twist on the declaration of independence. It took place in a matrix type world. However you can see where this could be our future.People are interacting less and less IRL so there are mandates on how much time you must spend on hard time ( real life). Some people want to declare their indepedence to live life fully in virtual world. It is very heartbreaking.

What does the narrators bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Wil Wheaton's narration of "Muse of Fire" took my breath away. It was stunning. Also I laughed all the way through Dina Pearlmans narration of "Karen Coxswain"

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

"Muse of Fire" was a very moving story. I think it could be about unhealthy or codependant relationships if you want to dig deep into the story. I think I was particularly moved because I did not expect that from Scalzi. Yes he does provoke thought in his novels but they are so fun you just think about it a little and go back to laughing. This story was kind of sad. Also "declaration" moved me because I know someone who lost a brother with a disability and it is both difficult and freeing at the same time so that is very moving.

Any additional comments?

I wanted to mention that I usually buy anthologies to get a sample of different authors so I can see if I want to read more. Although "the red menace" by Lavie Tidhar was not my favorite I did like the way he told the story so I will definitely be looking up other stories by him. This is definitely a great anthology and I think even if sci-fi is not your thing you might still enjoy it because obviously reading is your thing or you wouldn't be in a book club, right.

I CARRY A HARPOON

Soliloquy On Ducks?
There are some really good stories included in this collection and some really bad stories in my opinion. Having read some of the other reviews, this is a very subjective thing. Some of the stories I thought were horrible, others loved. This is an original anthology, which are never as good as a best of anthology. Don't get me wrong Dozois is the best editor out there and he is a great writer. My theory is when an editor does a original themed collection, then he contracts with writers and gives them the rules. He is not going to insult a popular writer by turning done his story, so he is stuck with whatever he gets. In a best of he choses among stories already written and published. There is one writer included who seems to get in all of these original collections, whose stories are always painful to listen to. I will not mention this writer by name as the last time I did someone, went into my history of reviews and sabotaged me. If you get the collection and you hear a story that includes a soliloquy on ducks in the middle of it, you will know who I am talking about.

AGGRESIVE FISHING
One of the best things about anthologies his hearing from authors you have never heard of before. My favorite story was by Mary Robinette Kowal, who I have never heard of before. Her story "The Lady Astronaut of Mars" is a very touching story and is very believable. It touches on some very true subject matters that astronauts may be dealing with in the future. Allen Steele, Tad Williams and Mike Resnick write some very funny stories and these three stories are worth the price of the anthology.

ALMOST BLONDE ANNIE
The Big Whale by Steele is very funny and should by enjoyed by all, but will be especially enjoyable if you have read Moby Dick. HIS MISTAKE WAS, HE BROUGHT A GUN TO A HARPOON FIGHT.
Tad Williams does a rewrite of Genesis, involving God's daughter. Thanks to her trees are upside down, fish swim in the sea and not the ground, etc...
Mike Resnick has some huge LOL moments in his Noir story. In this story the names of the characters are hilarious by themselves. You will meet Almost Blonde Annie, Snake Hips Levine, Loose Lips Sally, Bodacious Belinda. and Bedroom Eyes Bernice just to name a few.
Robert Charles Wilson's story Fireborn is included in Dozois 30th Best of the Year Collection.

Most of the narrators are good, there were a couple I did not care for, but as a whole they were good.

GUNS ARE FOR LOSERS

Good stories mixed with bad ones

The idea of "ripping off" famous stories by taking their first sentences seemed interesting, so I bought Rip-Off! I finished the book with mixed feelings. There are some great stories in it. Scalzi hits the high bar as he usually does, I liked The Muse of Fire the most. I had some good time with The Red Menace (by Lavie Tidhar) and The Big Whale (by Allen M. Steele). There were OK stories with nice twist at the end, like Writers' Block (by Nancy Kress), and there were OK stories, which were pleasant to listen to without having big endings, like The Lady Astronaut of Mars (by Mary Robinette Kowal). Then other stories were waste of time, I gave up on some of them after five minutes, for example Karin Coxswain or Death as She Is Truly Lived (by Paul Di Filippo).
So, do I suggest this book? Yes, if you have fair tolerance towards books with good stories mixed with ones going nowhere.

Something for Everyone to Enjoy

Would you consider the audio edition of Rip-Off! to be better than the print version?

Yes. I think the variety of voice actors brings a lot to helping you hear the difference in the authors' voices.

Who was your favorite character and why?

This would be a close tie between the main characters from "The Big Whale" by Allen M. Steele and "Begone" by Daryl Gregory.

Which scene was your favorite?

I think the scene in "Begone" where the character was talking to the guy from "I Dream of Jeannie" was my favorite. If you watched 60s television, you'll find this story pretty amazing.

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

Definitely laughed a lot during various authors. Nothing especially sad, though.

Any additional comments?

I didn't enjoy the first few authors nearly as much as the later bits. If you decide to listen to this, my advice is to give each story 15 minutes or so and skip to the next if you don't enjoy any given author.

1 story good out of all

Only the John Scalzi story was good. The rest of the short stories were meh.

A good collection of short stories.

If you could sum up Rip-Off! in three words, what would they be?

Interesting, funny, satisfying.

Let me explain, some of the stories are really great. They range from serious to silly, and I have to say that I enjoyed each of them. Some of them aren't as strong as the others, but that's to be expected with a short story collection from different authors. I'll admit that I got the book largely because of Scalzi's short story (which is good by the way) , but my favorite of the lot has to be "The Evening Line" by Mike Resnick. It was just so over the top that I caught myself laughing out loud every couple minutes. Definitely slapstick but what can I say, right on my level. "The Lady Astronaut" by Mary Robinette Kowal is also one of the better stories, quite touching to be honest. All of the stories were good, but I do think that only a couple of them will get re-listened too.

What other book might you compare Rip-Off! to and why?

Hmmm. Hard to say because it's a short story collection. There's something in here for everyone though.

What does the narrators bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

There are so many different narrators that it's hard to quantify. I will say that most of them do a fantastic job.

Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?

Nope, I preferred ti split it up by stories while walking the dog.

Any additional comments?

Nothing except to say that you should give it a try if you are at all interested in Short Stories. The ones here are pretty entertaining.

Some Great, some good, some to skip

Would you listen to Rip-Off! again? Why?

Yes just for the few great stories. you can tell which ones after the first 3 minutes of listening.

What did you like best about this story?

John Scalzi as always. Although Short, this has to be one of his best stories every.

Clever concept, but hit or miss stories.

Any additional comments?

interesting collection of stories with some real brilliant tales and only a few so-so ones.

Great short stories!!

Would you consider the audio edition of Rip-Off! to be better than the print version?

The narration by some of these narrators was great. The book introduced my to some new narrators I will seek out.

Who was your favorite character and why?

I like the "Every Fuzzy Beast of the Earth, Every Pink Fowl of the Air" story. I thought the concept was great and I had a great chuckle. Great job Tad Williams.

Which scene was your favorite?

I enjoyed the opening story. The imagery of folks flying through the sky was done well. I enjoyed "Highland Reel", the concept was great with a good story.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

I was taken by Wil Wheaton's narration, he surprised me. As I said previously, Tad Williams' story was a good touching story. The astronaut story was touching.

Any additional comments?

I truly enjoyed this book. Thank you.