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No Country for Old Gnomes
- The Tales of Pell, Book 2
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 14 hrs and 7 mins
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Publisher's Summary
Go big or go gnome. The New York Times best-selling authors of Kill the Farm Boy welcome you to the world of Pell, the irreverent fantasy universe that recalls Monty Python and Terry Pratchett.
"A complete delight, as fluffy and fun as The Lego Movie and as heartfelt as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone." (Locus)
War is coming, and it’s gonna be Pell.
On one side stand the gnomes: smol, cheerful, possessing tidy cardigans and no taste for cruelty.
On the other side sit the halflings, proudly astride their war alpacas, carrying bags of grenades and hungry for a fight. And pretty much anything else.
It takes only one halfling bomb, and Offi Numminen’s world is turned upside-down - or downside-up, really, since he lives in a hole in the ground. His goth cardigans and aggressive melancholy set him apart from the other gnomes, as does his decision to fight back against their halfling oppressors. Suddenly Offi is the leader of a band of lovable misfits and outcasts - from a gryphon who would literally kill for omelets to a young dwarf herbalist who is better with bees than with his cudgel to an assertive and cheerful teen witch with a beard as long as her book of curses - all on a journey to the Toot Towers to confront the dastardly villain intent on tearing Pell asunder. These adventurers never fit in anywhere else, but as they become friends, fight mermaids, and get really angry at this one raccoon, they learn that there’s nothing more heroic than being yourself.
In No Country for Old Gnomes, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly tweak the tropes of fantasy and fairy tales. Here you’ll find goofy jokes and whimsical puns, but you’ll also find a diverse, feminist, and lighthearted approach to fantasy that will bring a smile to your face and many fine cheeses to your plate.
Critic Reviews
“Hilarious...Dawson and Hearne present another puntastic adventure set in the universe of their Tales of Pell series [with] laugh-out-loud trials, tribulations, and wanderings of a completely new band of endearing eccentrics.” (Booklist)
“No Country For Old Gnomes is good fun, full of laughs, clever details, and characters...in whom you may see a little of yourself.” (Elitist Book Reviews)
“[A] hilarious new fantasy comedy.” (Bustle)
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What listeners say about No Country for Old Gnomes
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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- dana
- 07-24-19
Unequivocally the best VO and storyline you will ever hear! Just quit reading my review and LISTEN to this book.
You will do yourself no justice in reading this book versus reading it!. I guarantee you will NOT give the characters the same personality as Luke Daniels. He is truly one of a kind and takes this sequel to even higher levels. The story will keep you laughing with the puns and makes you hope to baby Beelzebub that Mel brooks will someday find this and make it a reality. Cannot give it enough stars**********
6 people found this helpful
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- Brian
- 05-22-19
Painfully bad.
Couldn't finish listening to it. Regret the time that I did waste trying to "tough it out "
6 people found this helpful
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- W.
- 04-24-19
Absolutely delightful, clever, witty, funny...
As always, Luke Daniels gives a brilliant read. I really enjoyed this book, and it is a perfect sequel to Kill the Farm Boy. I was fortunate enough to attend a book launch event when Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson came to my local Barnes & Noble. I really enjoyed the entire night of their wonderful anecdotes, hilarious stories, and fantastic play off each other. It completely explains the brilliance behind these books. this book, and its predecessor are 100% worth the credit you spend on them.
6 people found this helpful
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- Mindy
- 05-21-19
Better than Book 1
I love the silly nature of these books. This one was better even than book one. And I love Luke Daniels narration!
4 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 10-20-19
Kevin Hearne is so talented
Like Daniels AWESOME!!!! I'm never disappointed Never a dull moment from start to finish! Kudos!!
3 people found this helpful
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- Ron
- 11-04-19
Luke Daniels for the win!
Luke Daniels is just amazing! I really am enjoying this series! Can't wait to listen to the next one in this series.
2 people found this helpful
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- Susan
- 09-25-19
I wanted to like it.
I love Hearne and always loved Daniels narration of other books, but this time the multiple gnome voices grated on my nerves. Think this will be a book to read, not listen to.
2 people found this helpful
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- Kelly M
- 05-20-19
Another grand adventure in Pell
NUMBER OF HEARTS: 4
Another excellent installment of the Tales of Pell. No Country for Old Gnomes takes us on a grand adventure that starts with the Gnomes of Pell are being attacked by a group of halflings. It will take a group of unlikely friends to set everything right.
The amazingly talented Luke Daniels narrates this book for us again. Luke does an amazing job of bringing the Tales of Pell characters to life.
This was a great book that introduces us to a group of new characters and we get to see some of our old friends. I really enjoyed the Gnomes, Halfings, Dwarfs and the Gryphon. There are a lot of wonderfully fun characters.
Very much looking forward to The Tales of Pell book 3, The Princess Beard
2 people found this helpful
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- Dennis B.
- 11-30-20
Slow Burn
Took awhile but this performance has a message. Stay the course, and reap the benefits.
1 person found this helpful
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- Zane
- 10-07-20
loved it!
great narrator and a great story. love this book series so far. very highly recommend!
1 person found this helpful
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A plucky farm boy will find more than he's bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there's the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy's untimely death...and also very fine cheese. Then there's a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, and the Dread Necromancer Steve....
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Disappointing
- By Bruce D. Parker on 07-18-18
By: Kevin Hearne, and others
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A Question of Navigation
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 3 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
The only favor the aliens do for Clint Beecham when they abduct him is give him a shirt that says "Do Not Eat" on it in their language. He’s told that as a physicist, he is to be reserved, along with five other scientists, for a mysterious purpose. But 50,000 other humans on board the interstellar scout ship are scheduled to be butchered and frozen, a food supply for the long journey to the alien homeworld. Clint and the other Reserves can’t stand by and let that happen.
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Fun book, fantastic performance
- By Amazon Customer on 03-06-21
By: Kevin Hearne
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A Curse of Krakens
- The Seven Kennings, Book 3
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Length: 20 hrs
- Unabridged
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Pen Yas ben Min’s cousin was one of the legendary heroes of the wars against the giants until her untimely death. Pen has grown up in her famous cousin’s shadow, but when she’s given a quest to plant the seed of the magical Fourth Tree, she has a chance to step into the light—and usher in a new age for her country.
By: Kevin Hearne
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A Plague of Giants
- A Novel
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels, Xe Sands
- Length: 22 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Story
Mother and warrior. Scholar and spy. Rebel and hero. Set in a magical world of terror and wonder, this novel is a deeply felt epic of courage and war, in which the fates of these characters intertwine - and where ordinary people become heroes, and their lives become legend.
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It's a tough one to gauge...
- By Call of Kthalia on 11-19-17
By: Kevin Hearne
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Besieged
- Stories from The Iron Druid Chronicles
- By: Kevin Hearne
- Narrated by: Luke Daniels
- Length: 8 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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The ancient gods are alive and well in the modern world in this hilarious, action-packed collection of original short stories featuring Atticus O'Sullivan, the handsome, tattooed, 2,000-year-old Irishman with extraordinary magic powers from Kevin Hearne's New York Times best-selling Iron Druid Chronicles.
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Short or full-length, Hearne & Daniels OWN it all
- By RabidReads on 08-21-17
By: Kevin Hearne
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No Country for Old Men
- By: Cormac McCarthy
- Narrated by: Tom Stechschulte
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Performance
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Story
Cormac McCarthy, best-selling author of National Book Award winner All the Pretty Horses, delivers his first new novel in seven years. Written in muscular prose, No Country for Old Men is a powerful tale of the West that moves at a blistering pace.
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Exceptional, engrossing, frightening.
- By P. Giorgio on 07-27-13
By: Cormac McCarthy
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A plucky farm boy will find more than he's bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there's the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy's untimely death...and also very fine cheese. Then there's a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, and the Dread Necromancer Steve....
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Disappointing
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Long before they were spirit animals, the four were still legends - Great Beasts, the most powerful beings to roam the wilds of Erdas. Aided by a brave resistance of humans and animals, they gave their lives to protect the world from a threat more dangerous than any it had seen before: their own kind. Wise and cunning, gentle and ruthless, these are tales of the true heroes and villains in the war that started it all.
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review from 9 y/o daughter
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After angering his father, Zeus, the god Apollo is cast down from Olympus. Weak and disoriented, he lands in New York City as a regular teenage boy. Now, without his godly powers, the 4,000-year-old deity must learn to survive in the modern world until he can somehow find a way to regain Zeus' favor. But Apollo has many enemies - gods, monsters, and mortals who would love to see the former Olympian permanently destroyed.
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Finally a good narrator
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Elena Klovis was supposed to be her kingdom's Cinderella - until an accident of fate left her with a completely inappropriate prince! Determined not to remain with her stepfamily, Elena set out to get a new job - and ended up becoming the Fairy Godmother for the land. But "Breaking with Tradition" was no easy matter. True, she didn't have to sleep in the chimney, but she had to deal with arrogant, stuffed-shirt princes who kept trying to rise above their place in the tale.
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An excellent start to a new series
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Prince Liam. Prince Frederic. Prince Duncan. Prince Gustav. You've never heard of them, have you? These are the princes who saved Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White, and Rapunzel, respectively, and yet, thanks to those lousy bards who wrote the tales, you likely know them only as Prince Charming. But all of this is about to change.
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Warning Gushing Ahead……..
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I liked this book.
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A plucky farm boy will find more than he's bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there's the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy's untimely death...and also very fine cheese. Then there's a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, and the Dread Necromancer Steve....
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Disappointing
- By Bruce D. Parker on 07-18-18
By: Kevin Hearne, and others