New Teeth
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New Teeth
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Narrated by:
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Fred Berman
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By:
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Simon Rich
About this listen
Laugh till you cry in this new collection of stories from the “Serena Williams of humor writing” (New York Times Book Review) about raising babies and trying to learn how not to be one.
Called a “comedic Godsend” by Conan O’Brien, and “the Stephen King of comedy writing” by John Mulaney, Simon Rich is back with New Teeth, his funniest and most personal collection yet.
Two murderous pirates find a child stowaway on board and attempt to balance pillaging with co-parenting. A woman raised by wolves prepares for her parents’ annual Thanksgiving visit. An aging mutant superhero is forced to learn humility when the mayor kicks him upstairs to a desk job. And in the hard-boiled caper “The Big Nap”, a weary two-year-old detective struggles to make sense of “a world gone mad”.
Equal parts silly and sincere, New Teeth is an ode to growing up, growing older, and what it means to make a family.
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McGee Ridge, earthquake-rattled and clinging to the thousand-foot cliffs of the Northern California coast, is nestled in one of a very few truly wild places left in the Lower 48. It is also home to a band of off-grid outlaws who vanished behind the famed Redwood Curtain in the 1960s and whose time there is swiftly coming to an end.
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Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last 15 years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor.
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For thousands of years, there has been a cycle: a Demon King rises and conquers, and a Hero is reborn a hundred years later to defeat him. Each time, civilizations are ground to dust beneath the Demon King's hordes, but humanity has remained secure in the belief that a Hero of legend will always save them. There's just one slight problem. It's only been 23 years since the Demon King's latest rise, and this time, he's already conquered more than half the world. If humanity simply waits for the Hero's return, there may be no world left for him to save.
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Critic reviews
"Rich presents parody, absurdity, observational wit, the sudden shift in a familiar premise, and a surprising touch of sweetness and charm throughout.... [New Teeth is] so consistently funny, so exceptional in its imaginative use of parody as to be near genius. A fertile mind provides many smiles in this entertaining collection - and more than a few out-loud laughs." (Kirkus, starred review)
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A searing confessional infused with the darkest humor, Permanent Midnight chronicles the opiated abyss of a Hollywood screenwriter and his formidable climb into sobriety. Made into a major motion picture starring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson, Permanent Midnight is revered by critics and an ever-growing cult of devoted fans as one of the most compelling contemporary memoirs.
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4 out of 5 stars
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Point deduction for the recording
- By Amazon Customer on 11-21-20
By: Jerry Stahl, and others
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Domestic Violets
- A Novel
- By: Matthew Norman
- Narrated by: Todd McLaren
- Length: 11 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 222
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 196
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 193
Tom Violet always thought that by the time he turned 35, he’d have everything going for him. Fame. Fortune. A beautiful wife. A satisfying career as a successful novelist. A happy dog to greet him at the end of the day. The reality, though, is far different. He’s got a wife, but their problems are bigger than he can even imagine. And he’s written a novel, but the manuscript he’s slaved over for years is currently hidden in his desk drawer while his father, an actual famous writer, just won the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. His career, such that it is, involves mind-numbing corporate buzzwords....
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5 out of 5 stars
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What a rollicking ride!
- By Pamela Harvey on 08-13-11
By: Matthew Norman
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The Royal We
- By: Heather Cocks, Jessica Morgan
- Narrated by: Christine Lakin
- Length: 17 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 2,499
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 2,251
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 2,246
An American girl finds her prince in this "fun and dishy" (People) royal romance inspired by Prince William and Kate Middleton. American Bex Porter was never one for fairy tales. Her twin sister Lacey was always the romantic, the one who daydreamed of being a princess. But it's adventure-seeking Bex who goes to Oxford and meets dreamy Nick across the hall - and Bex who finds herself accidentally in love with the heir to the British throne. Nick is wonderful, but he comes with unimaginable baggage.
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2 out of 5 stars
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I deserve a medal for getting to the endless end.
- By Anne on 09-30-17
By: Heather Cocks, and others
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Just a Guy
- Notes from a Blue Collar Life
- By: Bill Engvall, Alan Eisenstock
- Narrated by: Bill Engvall
- Length: 5 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 627
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 491
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 489
Blue Collar Comedy star Bill Engvall is just a guy. He's been one his whole life. He can't help it; he was born that way. And that makes him an expert on the subject. For the record, here's the official definition of a guy: a person who doesn't think before he speaks. He can't. He's not that deep. Because a guy has only three basic needs: eating, sleeping, and sex. That's it. Just a Guy chronicles a lifetime in pursuit of those needs.
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5 out of 5 stars
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The Man Behind The Signs
- By Christopher on 12-07-07
By: Bill Engvall, and others
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Bigger than the Game
- Restitching a Major League Life
- By: Dirk Hayhurst
- Narrated by: Stephen Hoye
- Length: 9 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 59
-
Performance4 out of 5 stars 51
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 51
After nearly a decade in the minors, Dirk Hayhurst defied the odds to climb onto the pitcher's mound for the Toronto Blue Jays. Newly married, with a big league paycheck and a brand new house, Hayhurst was ready for a great season in the Bigs. Then fate delivered a crushing hit. Hayhurst blew out his pitching shoulder in an insane off-season workout program. After surgery, rehab, and more rehab, his major-league dreams seemed more distant than ever.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Garfoose continues to rule!
- By PMoney on 03-09-22
By: Dirk Hayhurst
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Welcome to the Monkey House
- By: Kurt Vonnegut
- Narrated by: David Strathairn, Maria Tucci, Bill Irwin, and others
- Length: 11 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 1,018
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 712
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 711
Welcome to the Monkey House is a collection of Kurt Vonnegut's shorter works. Originally printed in publications as diverse as The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction and The Atlantic Monthly, what these superb stories share is Vonnegut's audacious sense of humor and extraordinary range of creative vision.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Classic Vonnegut
- By Michael Carrato on 08-17-06
By: Kurt Vonnegut
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The Admissions
- A Novel
- By: Meg Mitchell Moore
- Narrated by: Allyson Ryan
- Length: 14 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 457
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Performance4 out of 5 stars 404
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Story4 out of 5 stars 408
The Hawthorne family has it all. Great jobs, a beautiful house in one of the most affluent areas of Northern California, and three charming kids whose sunny futures are all but assured. And then comes their eldest daughter's senior year of high school....
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4 out of 5 stars
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Anything for success
- By JillHen on 09-13-15
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The Hour I First Believed
- A Novel
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: George Guidall
- Length: 25 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 1,225
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 863
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 865
When high-school teacher Caelum Quirk and his wife, Maureen, move to Littleton, Colorado, they both get jobs at Columbine High School. In April 1999, while Caelum is away, Maureen finds herself in the library at Columbine, cowering in a cabinet and expecting to be killed. Miraculously, she survives. But when Caelum and Maureen flee to an illusion of safety on the Quirk family's Connecticut farm, they discover that the effects of chaos are not easily put right.
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5 out of 5 stars
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excellent all around yarn
- By G. on 01-10-09
By: Wally Lamb
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The Vanishing Season
- By: Joanna Schaffhausen
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 128
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Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 118
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Story4.5 out of 5 stars 119
Ellery Hathaway knows a thing or two about serial killers, but not through her police training. She's an officer in sleepy Woodbury, Massachusetts, where a bicycle theft still makes the newspapers. No one there knows she was once victim number 17 in the grisly story of serial killer Francis Michael Coben. The only victim who lived. When three people disappear from her town in three years, all around her birthday - the day she was kidnapped so long ago - Ellery fears someone knows her secret. Someone very dangerous.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Engaging mystery debut!
- By robbie mcgraw on 06-15-18
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Fault Lines
- A Novel
- By: Emily Itami
- Narrated by: Lydia Wilson
- Length: 5 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4 out of 5 stars 130
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 116
-
Story4 out of 5 stars 118
Mizuki is a Japanese housewife. She has a hardworking husband, two adorable children, and a beautiful Tokyo apartment. It’s everything a woman could want, yet sometimes she wonders whether she would rather throw herself off the high-rise balcony than spend another evening not talking to her husband and hanging up laundry.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Confused by the choice of narrator
- By Bri T. on 02-13-22
By: Emily Itami
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Impostor
- Alexander Gregory, Book 1
- By: LJ Ross
- Narrated by: Hugh Dancy
- Length: 7 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall4.5 out of 5 stars 565
-
Performance4.5 out of 5 stars 487
-
Story4.5 out of 5 stars 487
After an elite criminal profiling unit is shut down amid a storm of scandal and mismanagement, only one person emerges unscathed. Forensic psychiatrist Doctor Alexander Gregory has a reputation for being able to step inside the darkest minds to uncover whatever secrets lie hidden there, and soon enough he finds himself drawn into the murky world of murder investigation. In the beautiful hills of County Mayo, Ireland, a killer is on the loose. Panic has a stranglehold on its rural community, and the Garda are running out of time.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great beginning to a new series
- By Maine Knitter on 11-03-19
By: LJ Ross
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4 out of 5 stars
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From the Thurber Prize-winning author of New Teeth, hailed as “a triumph of sustained humor” (Sarah Lyall, New York Times Book Review), comes a hilarious and powerful collection of short stories chronicling the plight of aging millennials.
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5 out of 5 stars
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In "Center of the Universe", God struggles to balance the demands of his career with the needs of his long-term girlfriend. In "Magical Mr. Goat", a young girl's imaginary friend yearns to become more than friends. In "Unprotected", an unused prophylactic recalls his years spent trapped inside a teen boy's wallet. The stories in Simon Rich's new audiobook are bizarre, funny, and yet...relatable. Rich explores love's many complications--losing it, finding it, breaking it, and making it--and turns the ordinary into the absurd.
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2 out of 5 stars
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Amusing at first...
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Welcome to Heaven, Inc., the grossly mismanaged corporation in the sky. For as long as anyone can remember, the founder and CEO (known in some circles as "God") has been phoning it in. When God decides to retire (to pursue his lifelong dream of opening an Asian Fusion restaurant), he also decides to destroy Earth. The angels manage to strike a deal with their boss. He'll call off his Armageddon, if they can solve their toughest miracle yet: getting the two most socially awkward humans on the planet to fall in love.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Fun book!
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Seymour is the least popular student at Glendale, a private school in Manhattan. His new nickname, “Chunk-Style”, is in danger of entering common usage. But then he meets the new transfer student: Elliot Allagash, evil heir of America’s largest fortune. Elliot’s rampant delinquency has already gotten him expelled from dozens of prep schools. But despite his best efforts, he can’t get himself thrown out of Glendale; his father has simply donated too much money. Bitter and bored, Elliot amuses himself by transforming Seymour into the most popular student in the school.
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5 out of 5 stars
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Great book.
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