My Take Away Vampire

A Novella with Bite

By: Derek Haines

Narrated by: Persephone Rose

A very different vampire story.

Although Agatha Grace is more than 300 years old, it certainly doesn’t mean she can’t adapt and fit into ugly, postindustrial small-town suburbia. Partial to the delights an evening at McDonald’s often serves her, she waits at her favourite dimly lit corner table - for her kind of vampire takeaway.

Being your typical urban vampire, this means her fare isn’t up in bright lights on the menu above the cashiers. However, she usually finds exactly what she is seeking. Her teenage beauty, long, blonde hair, and ice blue eyes are a temptation very few adorable young men can resist.

After a long and predictable vampiric existence, trouble is now afoot for Agatha Grace, however. Redheaded, freckled, and occasionally a little slow on the uptake, young Reggie stumbles into Agatha’s predictability and turns it on its head as he is struck by his first real dose of love at first sight.

Add the overprotective, rhyming ghost of a dead poet, a snarling black wolf, some cops, and Agatha’s preference for the 1980s' fashion of miniskirts, satin halter-neck tops, and knotted white blouses, and things just may go awry, which of course they do.

Along with a couple of untimely and unfortunate deaths and Reggie’s complete misunderstanding of anything going on, the awry becomes a dead certainty.

Enjoy My Take Away Vampire. A very different, tasty little comedy vampire tale, but still with a little bite!

©2011 Derek Haines (P)2018 Wordwooze Publishing

Very interesting and different

I received a free audiobook in exchange for an honest review. I fairly enjoyed this book. The characters were all funny in their own ways and this story is different from anything I’ve read so far. Kept me interested from beginning to end.

My Take Away Vampire

My take away Vampire wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I think it's more a 'teen' book with a "15 year old" vampire. I'm not sure how many 16 year old virgins are out there, (laughing) This was a vampire I have not accustom to. Not bad but not good. I did enjoy the narrator, Persephone Rose. I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review. Thank you for giving me the chance to participate.

bizarrely entertaining

This was different and entertaining. A unique vampire story that I found extremely entertaining and offered loads of laughs . The cemetery was a lively place and the poet ghost was as annoying as he was hilarious. It seemed to end abruptly and I wanted more. I voluntarily listened to a free copy of this and am giving an honest review. The narrator did a great job.

A Different Take

Agatha Grace has chosen death over the life planned by her parents. Now a vampire she chooses her victims while sitting in the local McDonalds. She chooses Reggie but his obliviousness is funny and she changes her mind about him being a victim. A different take on vampires. Good Narration.

Loyalisa30

The storyline was underdeveloped and didn’t make much sense. The story started with Agatha’s situation and ended with Derrick’s situation. The details in between were fuzzy. Also, the poet ghost was corny! The family dynamics for Derrick was unbelievable. And the way the gang members communicated with one another by answering F*ck you to every question was ridiculous!!!

Pretty decent novella

Although a short listen/read, the story of Agatha Grace and Reggie is just enough to have you want to follow them for more. No spoilers, just give it a listen. Filled with teen angst in many forms as well as that lusty grip teen life has, the story follows an older vampire who relives her beginnings. A teen boy who has much the same interests as any other boy his age runs into the girl he wants desperately to be his first. Immerse yourself in their world for 2 hours and enjoy.

IT'S GOT BITE!

Loved this! Lot of vampire fun & some other creatures that you'll love. Definitely interesting, and a fun read. Loved the writing and also loved the narration, great job all around. Agatha Grace is a 300 year-old vampire that delivers. Take a bit and give it a listen, it's something I think all readers would enjoy :)
I was given this free review copy audiobook at my request and have voluntarily left this review.

Vampires at McDonald's

Agatha Grace is a 300 year old vampire, turned when she was 15 in order to avoid marriage. Now, she hangs out at the local McDonald's, searching for (preferable) virgin boys to seduce and get her take away meal.

Agatha lives in a tomb at the local cemetery, which is also inhabited by a ghost who speaks in rhymes. Unfortunately, Agatha's hunger is growing and she soon won't be able to contain it.

Reggie is a 16 year old virgin who loves porn and hanging out with his gang, When these two unlikely characters meet who knows what will happen?

This is a unique take on the vampire tale. A little sad, a little funny and enjoyable to read. My only complaint is with the very, very frequent use of the FU term. After a while, it got to be a little too much.

Persephone Rose does a great job with the narration and added a lot to my enjoyment of this audiobook. I was given the chance to listen to this audiobook by the publisher and chose to review it.

My Take Away Vampire

It was a funny short read. The narration was perfectly done and brought to life by Persephone Rose. Derek Haines wrote a great short story. Too bad it wasn’t longer though!

Phenomenal Spin on Vampires

My Take Away Vampire is quite a different tale from ordinary Vampire books. The story was entertaining, funny, graphic, and well written. I was hooked from the very first page. This novella may be short, but it packs one heck of a bite (no pun intended) to listen to. I highly recommend this book to anyone who loves funny vampire tales, especially one with (spoiler alert) a vampire who can shift into a large black wolf. The narrator did a fantastic job bringing tgecstory to life with silly voices a perfect comedic timing. I received this book for free upon my request. I am voluntarily leaving my honest and unbiased review here of my own free will.