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Publisher's Summary

Conventional wisdom says that "it takes two" to turn a troubled marriage around and that both partners must have a shared commitment to change. So when couples can't agree on how - or whether - to make their marriage better, many give up or settle for a less-than-satisfying marriage (or think the only way out is divorce). Fortunately, there is an alternative.

It Takes One to Tango is a groundbreaking guide that shows how one determined partner - acting alone - can spark lasting, significant change in a marriage, often accomplishing change that cannot be made any other way. It doesn't matter how short-fused, argumentative, or seemingly impossible your partner can be - or how long you've been stuck. Marriage and family therapist Winifred Reilly has this message for struggling partners: Take the lead. Doing so is effective - and powerful.

©2017 Winifred Reilly (P)2017 Tantor

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What listeners say about It Takes One to Tango

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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Great book!

I loved this book. It gives hope to a struggling marriage ( of 29 years). It's never to late to grow and mature. This book is funny and has practical advice on how one person can help change the dynamics of the relationship.

Thank you Winifred for writing this book!

14 people found this helpful

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Great listen

Highly enjoyed this book. Never knew anything of author before listening, title caught my attention. Great insights and has opened my eyes to many things. Sure wish i listened sooner rather than waiting until my wife gave up and wants to end it, only time will tell if the these principles will help.

Greatest takeaway.. it’s not your job making your spouse happy, that is something they must do themselves. ... Change yourself first regardless if spouse changes or follows, stop trying to change your spouse ... every marriage is difficult ... 5 stages of marriage most get stuck at stage 2 (where i feel I’ve been for past 7 years)

If you are wanting to save or strengthen your marriage, and your spouse is unwilling to change or seek counsel... give this a chance.

9 people found this helpful

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A Therapist Who Tells It Like It Is!

What made the experience of listening to It Takes One to Tango the most enjoyable?

The author is a natural storyteller with a good sense of humor and the willingness to reveal her own marital struggles. Her style is smart, authentic and really helpful.

What other book might you compare It Takes One to Tango to and why?

Love Sense by Sue Johnson and Marriage Rules by Harriet Lerner.

What does Karen White bring to the story that you wouldn’t experience if you just read the book?

Good narration with the right balance of affect and professionalism.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

It Takes One to Tango...

9 people found this helpful

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Great Advice!

best book on how to solve problems in your marriage that I have ever read. highly recommend. I've put it into practice and already it has yielded fantastic results. Super happy to have found this.

4 people found this helpful

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Very autobiographical

Overall, there is quite a bit of wisdom in this work. It comes down to changing yourself, because that is all you have any control over. To relax, respond, not react, not make mountains out of molehills, etc. The premise is that if you work on yourself and change, your partner will respond in a similar way. This makes sense on the surface and is, generally speaking, wise advice. However, this approach has not proven to be entirely effective in my marriage. I think the message is oversimplified and doesn't seem to address deep seeded psychological issues, for example, scenarios where codependency may be in play.
In my case, over the years I have done a lot of the work precribed by the author, worked on myself to be calmer, less reactive, adapt, and grow as a person. I have stretched to give my partner ever greater freedom, tolerance and patience, and simultaneously finding meaning in people and activities I do without him. This has resulted in much less fighting, but also in growing the distance between us, and him rejecting me more. He has started taking vacations without me, drinking and partying, and now seeing other women and telling me he has wanted to leave me for decades, and blaming it all on me and my "faults." I may have missed the piece of wisdom in this book that is applicable to my type of scenario where one partner has already tried to change and take many of the steps recommended but the other person has moved in the opposite direction. I didn't see this discussed at all and leaves the possibility that either, I have not truly done the work or done it correctly, or something else is amiss.
The author draws heavily on the lessons of her own marriage that seems, compared to mine, incredibly healthy. This work may be very helpful for people who may be dealing with repetitious fighting within their otherwise committed relationship, but not for anyone whose marriage is on life support. For myself, what I have left to do is simply full acceptance that my 27 year marriage is over.

3 people found this helpful

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My Marriage

This was AMAZING!!! I found myself taking copious notes during this reading. It was a bit tough to digest but I whole heartedly expect to see the healing of my marriage because I now know I don’t really NEED her help to repair our marriage.

3 people found this helpful

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Time to get to work on changing directions in my marriage

Thank you for the real and yet sometimes disappointing information, I will be curious to see what lay in store for my marriage of 13 years.

3 people found this helpful

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enter with an open mind

Absolutely loved this book. The journey of healing isn't easy but this offers deep insight on the matter

3 people found this helpful

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Eye opening read!

I guess we'll have to see how well I can apply this theory, but I loved the book & it gave me hope.

3 people found this helpful

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Great.

The narration was superb. Information was dead on right. So glad she wrote this book. I am hopeful it will help me and then us.

2 people found this helpful