I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Third Edition

Understanding the Borderline Personality

By: Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus

Narrated by: Kevin R. Free

Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins

Publisher's summary

The revised and expanded third edition of the best-selling guide to understanding borderline personality disorder - with advice for communicating with and helping the borderline individuals in your life. 

After more than three decades as the essential guide to borderline personality disorder (BPD), the third edition of I Hate You - Don’t Leave Me now reflects the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder, as well as connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress syndrome, ADHD, and eating disorders.

Both pharmacological and psychotherapeutic advancements point to real hope for success in the treatment and understanding of BPD.

This expanded and revised edition is an invaluable resource for those diagnosed with BPD and their family, friends, and colleagues, as well as professionals and students in the field, and the practical tools and advice are easy to understand and use in your day-to-day interactions with the borderline individuals in your life.

* This audiobook includes a downloadable PDF with a resource guide from the book.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio. 

©2021 Jerold J. Kreisman (P)2021 Penguin Audio

Antiquated

I know this book has had updates since it was originally published but I still find it antiquated. I can’t believe this is the leading book recommended by psychiatrists for BPD today. I also find it demeaning toward women. One chapter in the books suggests BPD is more prevalent in women because social constructs have changed over the last 80 years, women going from homemakers to being in the workforce. I stopped after chapter four and will be looking for more updated reference material on BPD.

Literally makes you feel worse if you have BPD.

I got this book to try to help me understand myself more & learn more about my disorder, I was recently diagnosed so it’s still very new to me. I hoped this book would help me see that I’m not as terrible as I think I am, but instead it made me feel so much worse. It’s written in a way that is very degrading — it just makes people with BPD look evil & crazy. It gave me anything but a sense of comfort. It made me feel like a burden to everyone around me.

one of the better educational sources with utility

besides sam vaknins YouTube channel (you have to search, it's not listed due to being potentially objectionable, but so is this book.) this is a satisfyingly comprehensive portrayal of bpd as it is Currently understood. much like those afflicted with the disorder, that understanding has been rather hard to define lately. without becoming buried in what bpd may have been or will be this book tries to convey the important parts you are, likely desperately, wanting to know about and still includes actual useful actions and methods of communication that are immediately useful. you will need to read other books or search for other sources to help fill in areas, but you can start here without missing anything until you want to start understanding bpd in relation to the rest of its cluster b associated disorders. by that I mean this book only mentions histrionics in passing but the need to satisfy emotional needs can sometimes only be met through dramatic actions when you can't remember who just left the room (not joking). GOOD LUCK, and i hope you will be more successful than I have in convincing your loved one to calm down :)

IDENTIFY MANIPULATION AND SAVE YOURSELF!

I have gravitated towards dysfunctional partners for far too many year and ultimately wasted some of the best years of my life that I can never get back. My psychologist recommended this to me after we discussed tramatic incidents that occured with two separate long term partners. I blamed myself for so long, I will not accept manipulating behaviors or gestures in the future. LOVE YOURSELF!

Their research is lacking severely interpersonal complexity

Lots of stuffing, assumptions socially without considering other factors and stating them as facts with assumption state data is being truthful. They aren’t.

Little to no real coping, strategy’s or insights of interpersonal relations like the title and intro suggest.

The research is lacking severely, especially on the chapters with large scale assumptions.

The Cause of borderline society is the LGBT movement?

Hope I read it wrong. The authors suggest in chapter 4 that the LGBT movement and changing gender role led to more BPD. I wonder how they found evidence or research articles to suggest this claim. Really disappointed.

Informative yet ignorant

The book is informative and I learned some things from it, but it was very conservative and problematic. The way women are portrayed is misogynistic and it lacks an adequate analysis of race. Some parts of the book reminded me of listening to an old white man ramble and rant about the problems of the world these days. I think I could write a better book on borderline. It’s sad that this is the leading one.

great information

A must listen if you have BPD! very informative and well written. it's a good start if you want to learn about BPD, but there is more information out there.

Creepy and hurtful

The way he describes his female patients is creepy and bordering on predatory.

I have bpd and I hate this book. Some of the advice isn’t bad, like the set-up communication style. But ignoring threats of self harm/suicide, painting those with bpd as all manipulative or delusional, etc is really hurtful. This book adds to the already overwhelming stigma of bpd which affects me every day.

I’d rather read a book on what it’s actually like to have bpd. Or a book on how to communicate with those with bpd with input from people with the condition itself.

This gives a great representation of what borderli

This gives a great representation of what borderline personality disorder people go through and what they feel underneath.

Excellent case studies

I learned a lot from this book. I’m going to read it again as there is a great deal of valuable information.

Too political

Too much emphasis on irrelevant political topics like Climate Change and Covid-19, it's supposed to be about codependency and that part is fine but the rest totally spoils it. Please make the original version available.

Pretty good, some parts dubious/irrelevant

I'd already done some quite intensive reading on BPD so a lot of this was familiar, but there was some interesting new things. SETUP techniques seem useful, and I would have liked more approaches like that in the book.

At times the book drifted into politics and social science and made claims which it didn't seem to substantiate and which seemed more reflective of the authors' political views than of objective fact, and the relevance wasn't clear.

All in all a good book, but you need to be able to think critically and reject some of the books more questionable points.

Blame related

I suffer from BPD and try to hold down a professional career as a lawyer. At times of crises I act out impulsively and poorly. I appreciate that but the message that my employer should judge me as a typical person in those scenarios is career ending and hateful. I’d hope we can both appreciate the issues and work forwards together. This book so far as I’m more than half way through puts all the blame with the sufferer and that’s a hopeless approach as we may as well end our lives if all the suffering is put back on us, as you’ve done.

insightful, well read, useful step forwards...

The book is a useful step towards understanding the behaviours of such a person who is considered, to have a borderline nature towards the personalities of others, of of course, of their own.