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How to Vex a Vampire
- VRC: Vampire Related Crimes, Book 1
- Narrated by: Michael Ferraiuolo
- Length: 10 hrs and 2 mins
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Publisher's summary
Finn
Getting into the vampire-only detective unit was the easy part. What’s going to be more difficult is dealing with my new partner - an ancient vampire who keeps threatening to eat me. The unit has never had a human in it. Marcus - or, as I like to call him: Fangy McFangface - would really prefer to keep it that way.
He’s grumpy, short-tempered, and broody, but I have a way with words, and I know he’s starting to like me, even if he swears he’s not. But what he doesn’t know is that I didn’t join the unit because I was tired of being a homicide detective. I joined because there is someone after me.
They’ve already taken enough from me, and I’m afraid they’re going to take all of me if I don’t find someone to help. That’s all Marcus was supposed to be, but now, he’s so much more, and I can’t imagine my life without him.
Marcus
The moment the pesky human walked through that door, I knew I had to get rid of him. He’s charming, and almost everyone else instantly loves him, but he doesn’t understand how risky it is being part of this unit as a human.
But as I get to know the stubborn man, I learn that, perhaps, he’s not as naive as I once thought. And, maybe, he’s what I needed to realize there is more to life than just work and my dog.
A group arises that is threatening to disrupt the alliance between the humans and the vampires, but Finn is the one who shows me how strong that alliance can be and reminds me why it’s worth protecting.
When threats hit closer to home, I realize I would do anything for Finn because he’s brought so much joy to my life...and because he’s mine.
Note: This book features a creative use for undergarments, unintentional splits, a wolfhound who just wants to be a part of things, a vertically challenged human who still manages to wrap every vampire he meets around his little finger, the best date ever, possessiveness, really awkward dancing, some workplace revenge, and just a bite or two. Or three.
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Seventeen-year-old Alice Bonham's life feels out of control after she meets Jack. With his fondness for pink Chuck Taylors and New Wave hits aside, Jack's unlike anyone she's ever met. Then she meets his brother, Peter. His eyes pierce through her, and she can barely breathe when he's around. Even though he can't stand the sight of her, she's drawn to him. But falling for two very different guys isn't even the worst of her problems. Jack and Peter are vampires, and Alice finds herself caught between love and her own blood....
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GOOD BOOK
- By Stephanie on 05-08-12
By: Amanda Hocking
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Slim to None
- Cedar Tree Series
- By: Freya Barker
- Narrated by: Tanya Eby, Noel Harrison
- Length: 7 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Investigator Gus Flemming is hot on the trail of a bail skip with organized crime connections that bring him to Cedar Tree. Once there, the focus of his investigation lands squarely on the gently rounded shoulders of a vivacious red haired Emma, whose physical limitations have done nothing to dampen her zest for life.
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Not miss this great listen
- By Demetra Toula Iliopoulos on 06-02-18
By: Freya Barker
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Matter of Time: Vol. 1
- By: Mary Calmes
- Narrated by: Paul Morey
- Length: 12 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Jory Keyes leads a normal life as an architect’s assistant until he is witness to a brutal murder. Though initially saved by police Detective Sam Kage, Jory refuses protective custody - he has a life he loves that he won’t give up no matter who is after him. But Jory’s life is in real jeopardy, especially after he agrees to testify about what he saw. While dealing with attempts on his life, well-meaning friends who want to see him happy, an overly protective boss, and a slowly unfolding mystery that is much more sinister than he could ever imagine, the young gay man finds himself getting involved with Sam, the conflicted and closeted detective....
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Time is the answer...
- By Donald on 03-28-13
By: Mary Calmes
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Truly Mine
- By: Kennedy Fox
- Narrated by: Aiden Snow
- Length: 10 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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The night we met in the dimly lit bar, she looked like a brunette bombshell, and I wanted to learn her deepest secrets. With sun-kissed skin and soulful bedroom eyes, she was pure temptation, and I was mesmerized. As one drink led to two, I craved more of her playful banter and taunting lips. Resisting her wasn't an option, and we quickly became a desperate mess of tangled limbs and hot kisses. She tasted like the sweetest sin, but I was no saint.
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blah
- By Bottmetoo on 02-05-21
By: Kennedy Fox
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Lovesick
- By: T.L. Smith
- Narrated by: Lauren Sweet, Rock Engle
- Length: 6 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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I couldn't do broken. Broken is what he was. Broken is what I will always be. To his eyes, that held so much despair, I couldn't look for long. To his fist, that clenched so tightly, like he was locking away the sorrow. To his lips, that never uttered a word, from the years of heartbreak. And despite it all, I couldn't stay away from him. It was like he was drowning in an ocean, and I wanted to grab his face, and whisper to his lips, "Don't forget to breathe."
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WOW... I TOTALLY MISJUDGED THIS BOOK
- By CAROLYN 🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹🔹 on 09-18-17
By: T.L. Smith
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Santori
- By: Maris Black
- Narrated by: J.F. Harding
- Length: 7 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Michael Kage Santori has just inherited a thriving hotel and millions of dollars. He’s poised to become an MMA champion. Things couldn’t be better between him and his college boy lover, Jamie Atwood - especially in the bedroom, where Jamie is more than eager to let Kage take out his aggressions on him. Kage seems to have it all, but success and happiness have come at a steep price. After all of the childhood trauma he endured at the hands of his controlling uncle, Peter Santori, it’s a miracle Kage has any shred of sanity left. And now, because of him, Jamie is a murderer.
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Oddly constructed but compelling serial installment
- By Cranky Reader on 04-13-19
By: Maris Black
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Fish out of Water
- By: Amy Lane
- Narrated by: Greg Tremblay
- Length: 9 hrs and 20 mins
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PI Jackson Rivers grew up on the mean streets of Del Paso Heights and he doesn't trust cops, even though he was one. When the man he thinks of as his brother is accused of killing a police officer in an obviously doctored crime, Jackson will move heaven and earth to keep Kaden and his family safe.
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Fish should be scared of water!
- By Tammy M on 02-24-17
By: Amy Lane
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The Unsung Hero
- Troubleshooters, Book 1
- By: Suzanne Brockmann
- Narrated by: Patrick Lawlor, Melanie Ewbank
- Length: 15 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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After a near-fatal head injury, Navy SEAL lieutenant Tom Paoletti catches a glimpse of an international terrorist in his New England hometown. When he calls for help, the Navy dismisses the sighting as injury-induced imaginings. In a last-ditch effort to prevent disaster, Tom creates his own makeshift counterterrorism team, assembling his most loyal officers, two elderly war veterans, a couple of misfit teenagers, and Dr. Kelly Ashton.
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New narration breathes life into this for me
- By Kindle Customer (VH) on 06-21-16
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I'm going to keep this one in the Favorite pile
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incredible as always.
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wow!!!!! just wow!!!!
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Some people are born lucky. Then there’s me, destined to be loved by the man who knows my darkest secret. My gift has followed me my entire life—the ability to see the threads of fate. I can see the red thread tying together two people destined to love one another. But my gift has another side to it. A darker side. I can also see a simple black thread tied to the fingers of those who aren’t aware of it, connecting them to the person destined to kill them. And when I look down at my own finger, I can see the red thread stretched over to Bishop King.
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Should have known better...
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Death is hot!
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5 million sweet stars
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Angelus Salvatore is the only necromancer in all of Boston, and his name is whispered warily by the undead and fellow sorcerers alike. He and his brother Isaac are the lone survivors of an attack by an army of the undead, in which Angel used a spell so powerful it forever marked his place in history. Now, years later, Angel struggles to balance his career as a teacher of the higher magical arts, his role as big brother, and a tenuous relationship with an Elder vampire from the local clan.
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Entertaining
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After half a century of chaos, my retirement from leading the Community of Species Government has been bliss. No more hellhounds playing pranks. No more snippy demons demanding my attention. No more cajoling money from the wealthy to support the community. Just peace while I avoid my overbearing father and try to work out my next steps. Although...maybe three years of peace is enough. It might even be starting to get boring. In fact, an adolescent dragon crash-landing on my landlord's shed is just the kind of excitement I need - especially when he brings his species leader to my door.
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enjoyed it
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When Sorcerer Adrien Danvers takes on a job that leads him into the slums of England, he never imagined he'd end up with not one but two apprentices. Despite his doubts about himself, he's the only chance the two pre-teens have to escape their hellish life. When Sir Hugh Quartermain contracts him to deal with the mysterious circumstances surrounding his home on the Isle of Man, Adrien finds the more time they spend together, the more his walls come down around the beguiling engineer—an unusual occurrence and a terrifying prospect.
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Levity works the streets of Welcome Boulevard, begging people for money. It keeps food in his belly, a leaky roof over his head, and he gets to do it with his best friend, Clove. No, it's not the ideal life, but he does what he must to survive.
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What listeners say about How to Vex a Vampire
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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Overall
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Performance
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- Rebecca Azizov
- 05-01-20
incredible!!!!!!
It's review time 🎧
How to Vex a Vampire
By Alice Winters
Narrator Michael Ferraiuolo
Narrator score🎧 ; Michael is a king! Come on!!! the effects he did with his voice, were absolutely fantastic! That
Voice he gave the antagonist character was just brilliant! The characters ... I'm truly in awe of this talent. And you have some Russian in here. I ask myself if Alice winters know what zanuda truly means. Yes, it is annoying. This is the meaning of this word but it much more. It's if you got a piece of wood under your nail (zanoza in Russian) and can't get it out the pain will irritate you... but it won't be unbearable and you wouldn't feel it constantly, but when you will it would be so painful and irritating. And the point is that it suits the main character so much that it's hilarious! And Michael just says the word so good!!!
“You’re like a really annoying dog that wants attention, and I just want to stick you in a crate on the other side of the house.”
Level of steam🔥: it's a sweet sweet book. You do have some moments but its definitely not about that. I think the innuendo covers that part the best. I discovered I'm 6 years old apparently. Because I love those moments more than the steamy parts, much much more.
“Yes, I was watching P***.”
“I’ll be P*** for you,” he mumbles as he pulls his shirt up and pokes his nipple. “Porn.”
“Wow… that was very s**y.”
Level of anxiety and sadness0😱😢: the book is hilarious! But with that, you have this Alice magic. She just has this capability to take a storyline that can be very serious, and turn it to the best comedy ever. And she did it again in the best way possible! You do have a complex storyline but it's so funny that your face will probably hurt from the smiles and giggles.
“What? Do I not look like the type of man to snuggle up to a bush and take a nice long nap?”
The book itself📖: what can I say? How many times I have listened to books about vampires. And yes a lot of them are brilliant as well, but this book has actually a very complex world to stand on, you have rules, that you discover with the story. And it's a fantasy that shows you said rules on the go by.
You have two incredible characters. Each brings you its complicated past to the story, and the development is so smooth and funny that you just can't not love it. I think that even people that don't like fantasy stories usually will adore this book. What's not to love? A quirky twink a rude old vampire and a lot of action!
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16 people found this helpful
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- Jeff S.
- 05-12-20
Laughed my head off!
This was a an extremely pleasant surprise! The writing was great. Serious and Funny! Michael Ferraiuolo was the perfect narrator for this book. Can't wait for the next book!
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9 people found this helpful
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- Kindle Customer
- 11-05-20
It's like one long conversation with bits of plot
This author is good at writing heartwarming characters and snappy, funny dialogue, but that dialogue goes on entirely too long. Listening to it, I'm imagining PAGES of their silly back-and-forths until something finally happens or the scene finally changes. It feels endless. It was very charming and endearing for the first book I read from this author which was the first Hitman one, but listening to the same exact dynamic again for 10 hours got really old really fast. It does kind of read like a fanfiction, and while I love fanfiction, fanfic works because fanfic doesn't really have the responsibility of carrying its own worldbuilding. The cornerstones are already laid out for you.
I adored that the main character was disabled, but sadly, trying to get through the book when the conversations go on forever and you find yourself mumbling "Yes, yes, this is all very funny. Ha ha. Please move on" is disappointing.
Michael Ferraiuolo did a great job as usual, one of my favorite narrators ever. Finn was a little extra flamboyant sounding but that's not necessarily a bad thing and maybe he was supposed to.
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- RACHEL REED
- 12-28-20
A snarky and hilarious paranormal romcom!
This was a sweet opposites attract, kind of enemies to lovers paranormal romance.
I loved the snarky banter, hilarious back and forth and entertaining dialogue.
The characters were likeable and fun and the hint suspense added to the overall charm of the storyline.
Michael Ferraiuolo performed an enjoyable and compelling audio delivery and narration.
Definitely looking forward to the rest of the series.
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- Kindle Customer
- 05-16-20
loved it
loved it. will probably listen to it multiple times..sooo funny. Marcus and Finnegan are perfect together.
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- Kindle Customer
- 12-26-20
Love love love
I'm so in love with this series. Alice writes amazing books with with so much humor, loooove and a twist. You laugh, you cry and then laugh some more. Michael seriously he really is one of the best narrators I've listened to. really recommend both of them.
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- Aethena Drake
- 06-23-20
Good story. Good narration.
Alice Winters knows how to create a fascinating blend of romance, humor, and mild terror while educating the reader about personal challenges.
This is my favorite book from the author so far. I can't wait for the next one.
The narrator is perfect for this series.
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- Mali Mor ❤ The Romantic Blogger
- 05-10-20
Micheal stole the show! 👏
great and funny story, but one thing is for sure: Micheal Ferraiuolo stole the show! 👏
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- 🔥 Phx17 🔥
- 08-12-22
2nd rate everything
Next to Vlad Dracula, Marcus is the 2nd most common vampire name. It’s in everything from Underworld to the Graveyard Shift book (a book that is literally on sale now in Audible … about a paranormal police mystery with a vampire cop named Marcus, seriously y’all).
Speaking of 2nds, I much preferred the author/narrator combination in her Hitman’s Guide series, starring (you guessed it) a stodgy “older” cop finding a MM HEA with a sassy twink who makes all sorts of lascivious jokes to cover his damaged/vulnerable side. There’s even a funny dog in that series, although admittedly, this book’s Artie was one of the things I liked better than the dog in Hitman’s Guide).
Maybe because the author-narrator-cop-MM romance combination has been done so many times,
I found the formula very unsatisfying here. It felt like this book was 90% jazz-hands flirting and 10% police procedural. It took me way out of my zone for either the romance or the mystery. I wish the author had put more time into explaining this world’s vampiric origins or gave the big-bad more than a cameo appearance or two. The big-bad was one dimensional, with loads of equally one dimensional followers.
This is also really only half a book as this one gives a HFN, but leaves the “who’s stalking Finn” resolution for Book 2, I liked book 2 better, as the romance to mystery ratio gets better. Book 2 also gets around to explaining how vampirism gets started. My favorite facet of books 1 and 2 is Finn having a prosthetic arm and leg- mad respect to Ms. Winter for writing Finn as a competent cop and “regular” person with two artificial limbs.
But, my favorite book in the series ended up being book 3, which switches to a different couple: Alexei Karsynova and Claude. Definitely the best balance of romance, mystery, and the author’s trademark bonkers humor. That book has a truly great backstory for Alexei.
Although I ended up warming up to this series (and recommend them as sale purchases),
I recommend several other series over this one, depending which parts of the formula turn your crank:
🦇This author’s Demon Magic duology, with Greg Boudreaux narrating
(snark is equally manic, but chemistry scorches)
🦇This author’s Hitman’s Guide (funnier, more emotional cop/hitman MM romance)
🦇Jenn Burke’s Not Dead Yet (if the MM vampire cop / scrappy guy urban fantasy is a must)
🦇Quincy Harker omnibus (if your main goal is a mouthy vampire detective,
with a side romance and where inclusivity is with side characters)
🦇 Graveyard Shift (if you want all urban fantasy vampire/mummy noir and zero romance)
🦇The Tarot Sequence, beginning with The Last Sun (if your first priority is fresh urban fantasy,
but you still crave MM pairings with snark and bark. This series is currently in my top ten)
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- Amazon Customer
- 05-09-20
Absolutely love
When I first came across this book this year and I read it it just made me laugh it was funny it had mystery great characters and everything. You know what the first thing I did after finishing it I reviewed it and in that review I stated that it was perfect to be an audiobook. And they chose a perfect person as the narrator of the book as well. So I saw that it was an audiobook I did not hesitate to buy it. It is one of my favorite books.
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