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Publisher's Summary

This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time - peers replacing parents in the lives of children - is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.

In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction - for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident - as do the solutions.

©2008 Gabor Maté (P)2018 Vintage Canada

Critic Reviews

"Hold on to Your Kids blows in from Canada like a Blue Northern, bringing us genuinely new ideas and fresh perspectives on parenting. The authors integrate psychology, anthropology, neurology and their own personal and professional experiences as they examine the 'context' of parenting today. This is a worthy book with practical implications for mom and dad." (Dr. Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other)

"Hold on to Your Kids is visionary book that goes beyond the usual explanations to illuminate a crisis of unrecognized proportions. The authors show us how we are losing contact with our children and how this loss undermines their development and threatens the very fabric of society. Most importantly they offer, through concrete examples and clear suggestions, practical help for parents to fulfill their instinctual roles. A brilliant and well written book, one to be taken seriously, very seriously." (Peter A. Levine PhD, international teacher and author of the best-selling books Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma and It Won’t Hurt Forever, Guiding Your Child Through Trauma)

"The thoughts and perspectives presented by the authors are informative - even inspirational - for those who choose to dedicate their lives and energy to students." (Bulletin of the National Association of Secondary School Principals)

What listeners say about Hold On to Your Kids

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So great as a young father!

This is hard for me because I was raised a certain way, took in the lies of society, and peer grooming. This really forced me to take a step back and think before I engage with my kids, have a plan to work and work the plan.

9 people found this helpful

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most recommended parenting book

I am a family therapist and this is the only book on parenting I recommend. Brilliantly written on the latest brain research

9 people found this helpful

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Life-changing

I have my child back. Instead of slammed doors and anger, I now have “please stay” and “can I ask your advice.” Thank you for this permanently life changing book and for helping parents raise loving future parents. Praise built on unconditional love yields permanent bonds with children. This book should be given out to parents upon departure from hospital delivery rooms.

8 people found this helpful

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This book deserves 10,000 stars!

While I don’t believe this book is perfect, at times I thought the reasoning was winding and repetitive, the content is unmatched in its insight.

Never have I heard read anything about parenting that gave me such a clear sense of purpose of my own role and understanding into my children. The thing Neufeld writes rings so true. I remember feeling the exact things he talks about as a child.

This is not your typical parenting book with tricks and tips; if you have problem A, then apply solution B to solve. The onus is on the parent to understand the child’s developmental stage, their needs and their abilities, and provide the necessary comfort, boundaries, care, etc. Over time I have seen my family transform from what I learned from this book. I wish I could give every new parent this book!

6 people found this helpful

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A parenting reality check

Fantastic information for our times, guiding parents with practical examples on how to parent our children through the age of information overload.

4 people found this helpful

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Vital

It's probably one of the most important books I've read. Not only does it explain why our culture is headed the direction it is, but it also gives us a way out of the course it's taking us in.

4 people found this helpful

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Best book on attachment parenting of older kids

This is the definitive guide to attachment parenting in the digital era. It provides the foundational principles beyond Dr. Sears’ attachment parenting of babies, and delves deep on how attachment to parents is crucial for the proper development of children and adolescents.

The title and overall outline of this book is wrong because its real value is not on exposing the dangers of boogie man peer attachment but on the clear presentation of what attachment parenting should look like.

After listening to this i was able to explain strengths and weaknesses of my own family relationships and was able to understand my childhood and adolescence by understanding my attachment to peers and parent, providing great insights on my actual sense of self.

This book is a must for any parent of children and adolescents of any age, but it will be particularly helpful to parents of toddlers, especially those with no siblings, who might be concerned their children’s with poor peer sociability. Hint: forget about it, the real predictor of healthy socialization is the attachment of young children to their parents.

The readers put so much energy onto this book that it almost felt like applauding at some point. It would have been of great help to speak out loud the numbers on numbered items in the book (hard to follow lists of important things or tips when one is not reading the book).

2 people found this helpful

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An Important Book

The way in which the book transcends our modern zeitgeist and gets back to our roots, incorporates some of the best modern wisdom and science, and does so without having an outdated reactionary bent is very refreshing. I derived a great deal of value from this book and would recommend it to just about anyone, but especially to parents and caregivers of children.

- Proud Father of a Lovely 9y/o Girl

2 people found this helpful

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much needed info to hear

I recommend this book STRONGLY!! I needed to hear everything spoke and deep down knew - but was lost as someone that grew up without and then slightly with and just wasn't sure if it was my own fear of the unknown causing concern.... please listen - please reach out to your other parents to assist in the village. I for one am contacting all of my pear parents to adjust and assist in creating the new age of "village". thank you!

1 person found this helpful

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A Good Lens

This book had the problem / solution format and was probably 65/35 on that split. It was a good read in terms of seeing a lens to view their take on the current state of affairs.
This was my first read on attachment parenting and I think (from my very limited vantage point) it was a good primer for the topic.

1 person found this helpful