Hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin explore ways families can remember their late loved ones in this final episode.

The first year after losing a loved one is particularly difficult. Events and special dates like birthdays, wedding anniversaries, Mother’s and Father’s Day, and Christmas are often somber and emotionally charged affairs. Many families struggle when thinking about doing something to celebrate their late loved one’s memory. 

The following years aren’t guaranteed to be any easier, Odette reminds listeners. Don’t expect to have it all together completely by the seventh or eighth year - you might think you’re managing and then all of a sudden you might struggle again around that time. Always remember to be mindful of yourself and those around you, she adds.

Many families tend to switch up their tradition around occasions like Christmas, sometimes going away on vacation instead of staying home. It’s really about doing what works best for your family, whether that’s breaking tradition or dedicating some time to remember who you lost.

Key Takeaways

• The first year after losing a loved one is particularly difficult when it comes to anniversaries and occasions.
• Don’t assume others aren’t struggling just because it’s not the first year after loss.
• Do what works best for your family.

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn 
• Donate to Harry's Rainbow

Hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin discuss how parents can support themselves after losing their child in the penultimate episode of Season 1.

Odette shares well-intended conversations that had the opposite effect on her after losing Harry.  She didn’t appreciate it when people would try to comfort her by saying they understood what she was going through, because they didn’t: only someone who has lost a child of their own would understand the unique pain of burying your child. And when people would compliment her strength, saying they wouldn’t be able to hold on like she was doing, it made her feel like she couldn’t be vulnerable in front of them.

What did help her, though, were the people reaching out wanting to talk about Harry and remember him, dropping a simple text on the anniversary of his death. Those things made a world of a difference to Odette and her family.

Odette advises listeners who knew a child that passed to write down memories of them in a card and send them to the bereaved family. Your memory of their loved one will be invaluable to them.

Key Takeaways

• Rather than saying you understand a parent’s loss, comfort them by offering to help them with whatever you can.
• Families appreciate when people reach out and remember their late loved ones.
• Sharing a special memory you have of a late child with their family is something they will cherish. 

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn
• Donate to Harry's Rainbow 

 Co-Host Sophia Giblin shares her experience losing a parent as a teenager, and having to cope as the eldest sibling of four. 

Sophia’s mum was diagnosed with cancer in the year of her GCSEs. Their family had reason to hope she would get better with chemo, but she kept getting sicker and sicker. Seeing her health deteriorate with the treatment was already traumatic enough, but Sophia was abruptly forced to come to terms with losing her mother when her father sat her and her siblings down to explain that their mother wouldn’t survive. Not even a full week later, their mum died. 

Navigating life with that grief in her heart was difficult. Sophia didn’t feel safe with her feelings, and was reluctant to talk about her pain in fear that it would trigger others’ pain as well. She repressed them and tried to numb them, and, if she found someone she thought was safe enough to talk to, she would test the waters to see just how safe. 

Odette and Sophia remind listeners about the importance of creating spaces of safety for children to be able to share how they’re feeling, what they’re thinking, their fears, desires, and concerns. 

Key Takeaways:

• Sophia had no time at all to come to terms with losing her mum.
• Sometimes, people repress their feelings and don’t talk about them with others because they don’t feel safe with them.
• It’s important that adults create spaces of safety for children to share what’s on their minds.

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn
• Donate to Harry’s Rainbow

In this episode, hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin talk about how schools can impact a child’s grief journey.

All schools should have a bereavement policy, Odette and Sophia recommend, that covers all the information the school should know, what they need to do, and how to respond to an incident within their school community. Office staff should be briefed on how to respond to a parent or guardian informing the school about the death of a student’s family member.

You don’t have to be a member of staff to put things in motion - if you believe there’s something you can do, you can call your local school and make suggestions - you can even connect with organisations like Harry’s Rainbow. What’s important is nurturing an environment of empathy, so that students can be met with kindness and understanding when they’re bereaved. 

Communication is necessary when supporting a bereaved student. Parents and teachers can’t contact each other all the time, but even having just one key staff member they can talk to, goes a long way.

Key Takeaways:

• Office staff should be briefed on how to respond to a parent or guardian informing the school about the death of a student’s family member.
• It’s important to nurture an environment and culture of empathy at school.
• There should be at least one key staff member parents and students can confer with.

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn 
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn 
• Donate to Harry's Rainbow

For the Love of Grief is the podcast that talks about parenting after loss. Grief isn’t something that goes away - it will always live with us. In this episode, hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin explore the role of community in the grief journey.

Most communities are eager to help members who are grieving the loss of a loved one, but sometimes they don’t know how to help. Some people may even avoid the bereaved persons because they don’t know what to say, so they say nothing at all. Rather than doing this, it’s better to actually tell them you don’t know what to say - something as simple as “I don’t understand what you’re going through, but I’m here for you” can go a long way.

To better prepare yourself, think about what you can offer before starting the conversation. Is it something practical? Is it emotional support? Do you know of an organisation that can help the family? 

Part of what makes reaching out so difficult is society’s aversion to talking about death and dying, despite it being a natural part of life. We also respond to news of other people’s loved ones dying in ways similar to our first experience, Sophia suspects. We struggle to respond to others because we have nothing to model our responses after. 

Key Takeaways:

• Rather than saying nothing at all when you don’t know what to say, you can literally just say you don’t know what to say.
• To better prepare yourself, think about what you can offer a bereaved person in your community before you start the conversation.
• We often struggle to offer support to bereaved persons because people once struggled to offer support to us. 

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn
• Donate to Harry’s Rainbow

 In this episode, hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin discuss how parents can meet the needs of bereaved children.

Having boundaries around their physical needs - such as getting a good night’s rest - is important for your child’s development. Parents need to be brave and determined to uphold those boundaries even through grief - particularly around sleep and nutrition. 

As far as mental wellbeing goes, modelling healthy expressions of your feelings is a good way to support and encourage your children. If they see you repressing your emotions and not talking about them, they may adopt that same approach. That might not feel very good for them - they may want to talk about it, but you’re not giving them the opportunity to do so. 

We often feel that, as adults, we have to be in charge all the time, but sometimes it’s better to let children take the lead, and simply create the boundaries in which they play. That’s how we teach them - if they did everything by explicit instruction, they’ll learn how to follow directions rather than how to think for themselves. 

Key Takeaways:

• Parents need to be brave and determined to maintain boundaries with children even through grief.
• Rather than repressing your emotions as a parent, you should communicate your feelings - remember that your child is watching what you do to know what they should do.
• Sometimes we should let kids take the lead, and simply create the boundaries in which they play. 

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn 

In this episode, hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin review the topic of resources and signposting. 

We’re usually never proactive about death and dying, so when we lose a loved one, it’s usually unanticipated and we’re not prepared to deal with it. The first things we usually think about are: What do I do? How do I make sure we’re all going to be okay? 

Resources and signposting are simple, but very effective and helpful tools that answer these questions. Some of these resources include memory boxes, which act as a tool for a child to hold special trinkets, mementos, photos, and anything relating to a loved one. It’s really lovely if the whole family has one to honour their dearly departed, Odette believes, but it’s important that a child has their own box.

Parents can also use books to gently explain death to their children. Books play a significant role in a child’s understanding of the world around them, and have an impact on the way they view things. One of Odette’s recommendations is Water Bugs and Dragonflies, a book for young children which delicately describes death, using metaphor.

Key Takeaways:

• The death of a loved one can leave you feeling like you’re grasping at straws, but there are resources you can use to help yourself and those around you.
• Memory boxes are tools that hold special trinkets, mementos, photos, and anything relating to a loved one for children.
• Parents can use books to gently explain death to their children.

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn 
• Donate to Harry's Rainbow 
• Resources on Harry's Rainbow website

Books and Apps

• Badgers Parting Gifts
• Water Bugs and Dragonflies
• What Happened to Daddy's Body
• Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine
• Michael Rosen Sad Book
• Far Down Deep Book
• The Little Flower Bulb
• Apart of Me App
• Smiles and Tears App on Appstore
• Treasure Time

In this episode, hosts Odette Mould and Sophia Giblin discuss the importance of including children in decision-making throughout their grief journey, starting as early as the funeral or ritual of saying goodbye. 

Losing a loved one is hard enough as an adult, but it’s especially hard for children, who don’t have a solid grasp of the concepts of death and grief. They are entering a new world where they have to live without someone precious to them and all the complicated emotions it brings. Including them in the decision-making process gives them a sense of control - which is something that they typically want, but find difficult to express.

One thing we need to understand is the way children grieve - it’s difficult for them to be experiencing those complex feelings all the time, so they will jump in and out of them by proceeding with business as usual. Whether it’s going back to school or extra-curricular activities, they hold onto normalcy as tightly as they can, because normalcy is where they have control.

When involving children in decision-making, you must consider the fact that too many choices could overwhelm them, especially if they are open-ended. It’s safe to give them two choices if they’re very young, and three or more if they’re older. 

Key Takeaways:

• Just like adults, children also want to feel a sense of control when grieving.
• Letting your child go back to school after losing a loved one may actually help them - it gives them a sense of normalcy and control.
• Too many choices can overwhelm children - stick to two if they’re very young, and three or more if they’re older.

Resources

• Harry’s Rainbow
• Odette Mould on LinkedIn
• Sophia Giblin on LinkedIn 

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