Finding the Words

Working Through Profound Loss with Hope and Purpose

By: Colin Campbell

Narrated by: Colin Campbell

Length: 9 hrs and 4 mins

Publisher's summary

A powerful account of one father’s journey through unimaginable grief, offering listeners a new vision for how to more actively and fully mourn profound loss.

"After loss, one of the most common responses is “There are no words.” But often times, words are what people who are grieving need the most. When silence is replaced with empathy and support, we help others heal. In his new book Finding the Words, Colin Campbell provides powerful advice for processing pain and being there for those who are. By bravely sharing his journey through the unimaginable, Colin will bring hope to so many."—Sheryl Sandberg, Founder, LeanIn.org and OptionB.org

When Colin Campbell’s two teenage children were killed by a drunk driver, Campbell was thrown headlong into a grief so deep he felt he might lose his mind. He found much of the common wisdom about coping with loss—including the ideas that grieving is a private and mysterious process and that the pain is so great that “there are no words”—to be unhelpful. Drawing on what he learned from his own journey, Campbell offers an alternative path for processing pain that is active and vocal and truly honors loved ones lost.

Full of practical advice on how to survive in the aftermath of loss, Finding the Words teaches listeners how to actively reach out to their community, perform mourning rituals, and find ways to express their grief, so they can live more fully while also holding their loved ones close. Campbell shines a light on a path forward through the darkness of grief.

©2022 Colin Campbell (P)2022 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

“An astonishing and near-miraculous achievement. After experiencing the staggering, shocking loss of two beautiful children, Colin Campbell summons up reservoirs of memory, attention, and compassion to give other grieving, stricken people a complete taxonomy and analysis of the emotions that will engulf and bewilder them but can also guide them through agony and grief. In this work which borders on prayer, Campbell makes the unlivable livable and the unbearable bearable, at least barely. It’s hard for me to recollect a greater act of human solidarity and emotional decency than the writing of this magnificent and gut-wrenching book.”—Congressman Jamie Raskin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Unthinkable

"Finding the Words is a masterclass not only on grief, but on survival. The tragic deaths of Colin Campbell's teenage children, Ruby and Hart, created a sinkhole of sorrow so deep it felt as though it might consume the world. Though this book emerged from that terrible loss, it never feels despairing. Instead, with profound vulnerability, unflinching honesty, and startling humor, Campbell offers a rare glimpse at the depths of unimaginable loss and a pathway forward toward renewed life. This book's timeless wisdom is a gift to anyone with a broken heart, and to all who care for the broken-hearted with love."—Sharon Brous, founder and senior rabbi of IKAR

"An honest, pragmatic, and comforting field guide for each of us searching for a way to live with loss."—Steve Leder, bestselling author of The Beauty of What Remains

Good insights

I appreciated this framing, his openness and insights. Sharing such care with the world.

I think I would have preferred this read as a paper book (versus audio book) due to the format of the chapter summaries.

Raw and honest

This book helped me realize all the shitty, helpless, guilty & sad things I’ve been feeling are not only my own. This book shook my soul and I fell in love with Ruby & Hart. Thank you Colin & Gayle, you are family.

A powerful read and instant classic!

I’ll be buying copies of this book for the rest of my life! An incredible resource for anyone experiencing profound loss, as well as a useful guide for someone who wishes to be there for a grieving loved one.

Campbell weaves his personal story of grief through insightful, approachable and active steps to support his readers dealing with loss.

If you wish to face your life after profound loss with enormous courage and heart, this book will be a most welcome tool. It is also a beautifully written memoir and tribute to his two beloved children, Ruby and Hart.

Wrenching, Passionate and Supremely Informative

Grief is a taboo topic. This book looks it square in the eye and walks the reader through the unimaginable devastation of losing one’s children in a horrific, senseless drunk driving crash. Colin provides so much insight and guidance to help navigate the deep trauma and ultimate life affirmation of his and his wife’s experience. A must-read for everyone, since we will all experience profound grief at some point in our lifetime - or know someone who will.

Life changing

As a grief coach, and somebody who has just gone through a great loss, the title, “finding the words” truly appealed to me. The book was so much more. The inspiration, the rituals, the perseverance and a story most people will never experience. I am so grateful for all of the beautiful gems that came from deep sadness and loss. Thank you for sharing your story. 🙏

Can’t keep politics out, waste of a book. Returned

We are suffering from the loss of our 4 year old daughter recently. I really needed this book. This book was actually somewhat helpful and when grieving, any help is welcome. But Colin here couldn’t keep his strong opinions to himself and politics out of it so with about 2.5 hours remaining, I had to turn it off and am now returning it.

Colins story about the loss of his 2 children is heart wrenching. He is a smart guy who was able to gather a lot of helpful grieving tips and weave them into his story. It was hard to listen to sometimes when it was just Hart & Ruby, Hart & Ruby, Hart & Ruby. Really more than anything else, this is a tribute to them, for him. I believe he wrote this for himself primarily as his ego is rather large. I couldn’t agree with or stand hearing him talk about the selfish actions he took while grieving, how insignificant everyone else it the worlds problems are. In his grief spiel he tells people that he doesn’t care to hear their problems and I don’t think that’s right. Going through what I’m going through, I know that guiding people with a grief spiel is helpful to them and you but it’s never only always about you. Maybe for the first couple of weeks after a tragic loss but come on. This guy took meals from family and friends for 3 months! Crazy. He talks poorly about a school that wouldn’t allow him to do some sort of annual ritual in his children’s name. That is so wrong. He has like 100 rituals which is crazy in it’s own right but then to call out a school for not allowing him to do his 101th ritual there is wrong and speaks volumes to how selfish he really is. He talks about how they just needed a change for Christmas so they went to travel in Italy. Oh how nice for you to be able to do this. Then later, where I couldn’t do it anymore, he talks about white privilege and starts to lecture you.

This is not what you need if you are grieving. This is not a book I would recommend. Find help from someone who’s actually publishing a book to help you, not from this guy who believes his world is the only world. What a waste of a book.

Interesting discussion on grieving strategies

This is a “how to grieve good “ book written by a man who lived a life with more sunshine and fewer storms than many. He’s three years into to journey and for grief folks that’s not a lot of time but he has some good strategies for coping with loss. I would add it to my collection of grief books. I didn’t connect with his writing style but he packs in some solid information.