Water Your Garden with ThiccSparkleButt: Leaving a Religious Doomsday Cult, Reclaiming Voice, and Naming Rape by Deception.

Hecate of Finding OK talks with poet and Twitch streamer, ThiccSparkleButt, about her healing journey. Thicc talks about growing up in a doomsday religious cult and how it damaged her family relationships, established poor boundaries, stifled her identity, and lay the groundwork for patterns of abuse in her life. She shares her journey through abusive relationships, coercion and deception, claiming identity and autonomy, and finding support. Therapy (including EMDR) and supportive Twitch spaces helped her reclaim her voice, streaming, and creativity; it helped her improve boundaries, grieve lost friendships, and speak publicly about rape by deception. Thicc encourages survivors to remember that healing isn’t linear, and to remember to “water your garden”.

TW/CW: Religious trauma, cults, suicide, abuse, PTSD, sexual assault, coercion and deception, substances, and strong language.

Episode Notes:

Thicc on Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/thiccsparklebutt
Therapy for Black Girls: https://therapyforblackgirls.com/
Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/
Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK
Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member! https://www.patreon.com/CrossroadsCrowStudios
Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you! https://www.finding-ok.com/support/
Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music! https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdbl...

Timestamps:

00:00 Traumatic Two Step Poem
02:12 Podcast Welcome and Guest Intro
04:40 Trigger Warnings and Support
05:51 Icebreaker Questions and Self Care
11:57 Growing Up in a Cult
17:16 Leaving and Family Fallout
23:47 Realizing It Was a Cult
28:50 Controlling Relationship in Atlanta
32:38 Podcast Friend Turns Abuser
45:32 Deception Is Not Consent
46:26 Aftermath and Reclaiming Voice
49:46 Therapy Journey and Healing
53:40 Twitch As Healing
55:22 Reclaiming Streaming
58:41 Leaving The Ex
01:00:39 Reclaiming Poetry
01:03:32 Naming The Assault
01:06:17 Speaking Out Online
01:10:59 Friends Need Boundaries
01:19:08 Forgiving Yourself
01:25:31 Race And Therapy
01:33:40 Grief And Being Undeniable
01:39:42 Inner Child Strength
01:42:53 Advice And Farewell
01:45:59 Credits And Support

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Join Hecate in this episode of 'Finding OK,' a healing podcast for survivors of SA and abuse, as they delve into the concept of "the male gaze", how it's internalized, its role in objectification, and its intersection with sexual healing post-trauma. Inspired by Margaret Atwood's poem from 'The Robber Bride', Hecate explores how societal beauty standards and the male gaze have influenced their self-perception, sexuality, and share reflections on their journey toward authentic pleasure and intimacy. This episode aims to provide strength and resonance for women, femmes, and AFAB individuals. Listen for powerful personal reflections on noticing and dismantling internalized patriarchal views. and a call for embracing radical self-love (it's a process).

Episode Notes:

The Male Gaze:

https://media-studies.com/male-gaze/

https://theconversation.com/half-a-century-of-the-male-gaze-why-laura-mulveys-pioneering-theory-still-resonates-today-256875

Miss Representation: https://therepproject.org/films/miss-representation/

It's a must watch!

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member! https://www.patreon.com/c/CrossroadsCrowStudios

Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you!

https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music! https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdbl...

00:00 Introduction and Poem Reading

02:00 Podcast Introduction and Trigger Warnings

04:11 Understanding the Male Gaze

06:45 Personal Experiences with the Male Gaze

11:36 Internalized Male Gaze and Self-Objectification

13:53 Intersection with Sexuality and Body Image

23:08 Healing and Moving Forward

29:22 Closing Remarks and Acknowledgements

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In this episode Hecate discusses why menstruation can be triggering for survivors, especially for those who have been assaulted during their periods. Hecate provides statistics from medical studies indicating that a significant percentage of SA survivors were menstruating at the time of their assault. The combined social stigmas against speaking about SA and menstruation mean this is an experience that is not being talked about enough, leading to even greater feelings of isolation and shame.
The episode also addresses some of the challenges of managing periods post-trauma, and different menstrual products through a survivor’s lens. With personal anecdotes and research-backed insights, this episode aims to provide a voice to the often unspoken and overlooked intersection of menstruation and SA trauma. Hecate hopes this episode will help other survivors who have had this experience feel less alone.

Tw/Cw: SA (and some details of assaults), R*pe, PTSD, menstruation, substances, and strong language.

Links and References:

Cardenas, K., Wiersma, G., Dykema, J., Rossman, L., Fedewa, J., & Jones, J. S. (2011). 279 impact of the victim’s menstrual cycle phase on genital injuries following sexual assault. Annals of Emergency Medicine, 58(4). https://doi.org/10.1016/j.annemergmed.2011.06.309

Gollapudi, M., Thomas, A., Yogarajah, A., Ospina, D., Daher, J. C., Rahman, A., Santistevan, L., Patel, R. V., Abraham, J., Oommen, S. G., & Siddiqui, H. F. (2024). Understanding the interplay between premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and female sexual dysfunction (FSD). Cureus, 16(6). https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.62788

Noll, J. G., Trickett, P. K., Long, J. D., Negriff, S., Susman, E. J., Shalev, I., Li, J. C., & Putnam, F. W. (2017). Childhood sexual abuse and early timing of puberty. Journal of Adolescent Health, 60(1), 65–71. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jadohealth.2016.09.008

Vu, A., Moaddel, V., Emmerich, B., Rossman, L., Bach, J., Seamon, J., Barnes, M., Ouellette, L., & Jones, J. (2023). Association between the victim’s menstrual cycle phase and genital injuries following sexual assault. Clinical Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, 6(2), 038–042. https://doi.org/10.29328/journal.cjog.1001127

*Thank you again to my sister Chie for their invaluable help with research and citations!*

Articles about the heavy metals found in tampons:
https://factor.niehs.nih.gov/2024/8/feature/3-feature-metals-in-tampons

https://publichealth.berkeley.edu/articles/spotlight/research/first-study-to-measure-toxic-metals-in-tampons-shows-arsenic-and-lead

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160412024004355#:~:text=Across%20those%20studies%2C%20a%20range,et%20al.%2C%202022).

Lucky Iron Fish: https://luckyironlife.com/?srsltid=AfmBOorbSgfTM6sE3c6r-IRy3MNC0u-i8v-S4-s5lkZPo89aSCXJvEfj

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member!
https://www.patreon.com/c/HecateFindingOK

Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you!
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music!
https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdbl...

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Trigger Warnings
01:17 Menstruation and Trauma
07:47 Challenges with Sanitary Products
12:14 Personal Experiences of Assault During Menstruation
15:58 Statistics and Research on Assault During Menstruation
21:01 Triggers and Coping Mechanisms
32:08 Conclusion and Support
3

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In this episode I speak with Alisa Zipursky about her book 'Healing Honestly,' a powerful resource for survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Alisa and I discuss the legitimacy of traumatic memory, the harmful myth of False Memory Syndrome, and the journey of healing through self-acceptance and community support. Alisa shares insights on overcoming self-blame and self-shame, parenting as a survivor, and finding strength in connections. Whether you're a survivor yourself or supporting one, this episode offers valuable perspectives and reassurances.

TW/CW: Childhood sexual abuse, Family Abuse, PTSD, Eating Disorders, body image, and strong language.

Episode Notes:

Healing Honestly by Alisa Zipursky: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/726361/healing-honestly-by-alisa-zipursky/

Alisa's Website: https://healinghonestly.com/

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you!
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Music is "Your Heart is a Muscle the Size of Your Fist" used with the personal permission of Ramshackle Glory. Go check out their music!
https://open.spotify.com/artist/0qdblxxVBeNzq1LFwzjN9g?si=G99NwDuSQBqRGWZi53BoZg


Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Opening Monologue
00:55 Welcome to Finding OK
01:13 Interview with Alisa Zipursky
03:07 Trigger Warnings and Support
04:10 Personal Reflections and Parenting
06:20 Stepping into Power and Activism
15:45 Healing and Self-Care
24:15 The Importance of Connection
42:36 Healing Without Clear Memory
51:01 The Origin of DARVO and False Memory Syndrome
52:36 The Impact of False Memory Syndrome Foundation
54:39 Media Influence and Public Perception
57:11 Personal Experiences and Societal Harm
58:56 Challenging Harmful Narratives
01:02:04 The Importance of Community and Support
01:03:46 Healing and Self-Acceptance
01:05:52 Navigating Parenthood as a CSA Survivor
01:15:02 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
01:34:58 Closing Remarks and Gratitude

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In this episode of Finding OK, I interview Polish LGBTQ+ comic artist Monika, best known for her series 'My Secret Lesbian Comics.' Monika shares her journey as a survivor of child abuse and discusses how she processes her trauma and finds healing through her side project, 'Self-pity Social Club.' We discuss the impact of her abusive mother, the decision to go no contact, and navigating relationships within her family afterwards. Monika also shares some powerful tools from therapy, offers advice to other survivors, and talks about the importance of creativity and friendship in her healing journey. I love Monika's work and I'm so grateful I got to speak with her!

Tw/Cw: Child abuse, PTSD, depression, suicide, and strong language.

Episode Notes:

Monika's Links: https://linktr.ee/mysecretlesbiancomics?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAae7yjg_9oQIvXxzLaaJe7wkVOTud8vqZX3JaqAaWaWBpiYc-EEZZKRhtKKmnQ_aem_QZxxyNZ_UQo6e53MXnGuug

Self-pity Social Club: https://www.webtoons.com/en/canvas/self-pity-social-club/list?title_no=788807

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the Podcast and become a Patreon member!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Finding OK is funded entirely by generosity of listeners like you!
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Timestamps:

00:00 Introduction and Personal Reflection

00:55 Welcome to Finding OK

01:12 Meet Monika: Polish LGBTQ+ Comic Artist

03:29 Trigger Warnings and Support

04:41 Interview Begins: Monika's Journey

04:57 Navigating Family Dynamics

06:11 Generational Shifts in Mental Health

12:29 Celebrating Compliments and Self-Care

16:22 The Birth of a Comic Artist

27:38 Self-Pity Social Club: A Personal Project

36:29 Sisterly Bonding Over a Difficult Mother

36:48 Financial Manipulation and Emotional Abuse

38:07 Moving to England and Financial Struggles

39:02 Discovering Mother's Deceit

39:41 Manipulative Pity Tactics

47:27 The Wedding Day Incident

50:51 The Fake Suicide Attempt

58:29 Cutting Ties and Setting Boundaries

01:01:22 Family Dynamics and Childhood Abuse

01:07:45 Validating Experiences and Healing

01:11:52 Family Party Drama

01:12:10 Unwanted Attention

01:12:32 Confrontation and Realization

01:13:48 Family Dynamics and Tensions

01:17:02 Listener Questions

01:17:46 Navigating No Contact

01:19:17 Handling Family Events

01:24:00 Therapy and Healing

01:32:43 Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts

01:40:53 Queer Joy and Creativity

01:43:44 Final Thoughts and Farewell

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In this episode of Finding OK, Hecate returns after a year-long hiatus to provide an update on the podcast and share personal insights on intersectionality, kyriarchy, and the importance of understanding systemic oppression as part of healing from sexual assault and abuse. Hecate discusses the interconnectedness of personal trauma and broader social injustices, and emphasizes the need for community and collective action against systems of oppression. The episode encourages listeners to engage with their communities, leverage their unique gifts for activism, and maintain hope and resilience in tough times.

Tw/Cw: Suicide, depression, PTSD, the subject of sexual assault and abuse, fascism, and genocide.

00:00 Introduction and Personal Reflection

00:56 Podcast Update and Mental Health Struggles

05:13 Intersectionality and Systems of Oppression

14:49 The Personal is Political

29:30 Call to Action and Community Building

35:03 Finding Connection and Staying Grounded

36:24 The Power of Authenticity

38:51 Building Community Through Twitch

42:36 Facing Fascism and Finding Resources

49:02 Supporting Palestine and Fundraising Efforts

52:14 Mental Health and Activism

56:39 The River Metaphor: Different Ways to Help

01:02:26 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Links: Podcast Website: https://www.finding-ok.com/ Hecate's Linktree: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Join Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Hecate's PCRF Fundraiser: https://donate.tiltify.com/4125341b-4f0d-43e0-b017-0019a82b8dde/details

Decolonizing Therapy: https://www.decolonizingtherapy.com/

Black Liturgies on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/blackliturgies/?hl=en DevthePineapple on Insta: https://www.instagram.com/devthepineapple/?hl=en Check out Signal for a secure messaging app that won't sell you or your comrades out to the cops: https://signal.org/

YK Hong (An activist to follow everywhere): https://ykhong.com/

Free Zine about fighting Fascism: https://itsgoingdown.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/11/DontJustDoNothing_CounterFascism_IMPOSED.pdf

Free Zine about resisting Oligarchy: https://www.instagram.com/p/DFgWbIVPfk1/?img_index=1

Printable Brochure Version: https://www.canva.com/design/DAGdx0uhGuQ/r7PQuF6JlQG6GnzT7iwbRw/edit?fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAaby7YCPCiYHjNnaDNuFa8b5MwzlqI2OAIrnKGUYE9sK9ML9SVSSRkvV8mk_aem_RuQok6tkGVOdY_XtOOQgSw

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Sandy Phillips Kirkham is a survivor of clergy abuse and the author of, "Let Me Prey Upon You". Sandy was very active in her church growing up, her faith was the center of her life. When she was 16 her youth pastor groomed and manipulated her into a sexual relationship. After years of abuse she managed to exit the relationship and reclaim her life. Sandy kept her experience a secret for 27 years before she had to face it and begin her healing journey. Today Sandy is a strong advocate for survivors of clergy abuse as a board member of the Council Against Child Abuse and through her work with The Hope of Survivors. Today Sandy will be sharing her story, and we'll be discussing her incredibly powerful book.

Sandy Kirkham and her husband Bill enjoy life with their two grown children, two beautiful granddaughters, and two fairly well-behaved dogs. Sandy continues to use her voice to help victims of clergy abuse. She currently serves on the board of Council Against Child Abuse. Sandy has spoken before the Ohio Senate, a Maryland court, and appeared on a local television show in Boston. Her story, “Stolen Innocence,” was told in a documentary produced by The Hope of Survivors. Sandy works with survivors conducting victim support conferences. She has participated in The Voice of the Faithful (VOTF) panels moderated by SNAP (Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests), sharing her perspective from the non-Catholic point of view. Sandy has been a presenter/speaker at major events on clergy abuse including the Hope & Healing Conference. Sandy has earned a certificate of completion from the Faith Trust Institute entitled, “A Sacred Trust: Boundary Issues for Clergy and Spiritual Teachers.”

Sandy's Website: https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/

Sandy's Book:
https://sandyphillipskirkham.com/shop/

https://bookshop.org/p/books/let-me-prey-upon-you-breaking-free-from-a-minister-s-sexual-abuse-sandy-phillips-kirkham/13830913?ean=9781734195200

The Hope of Survivors: http://www.thehopeofsurvivors.org/

Council on Child Abuse: https://www.cocachild.org/

GRACE: https://www.netgrace.org/

SNAP: https://www.snapnetwork.org/

Finding OK: https://www.finding-ok.com/
Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Support the podcast and become a Patreon member!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Finding OK is funded entirely by the generosity of listeners like you!
https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Letters for the Fire: https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/

Thank you for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself <3

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Part 2 of my interview with Andrew Pledger. This episode will focus on Andrew's experience with conversion therapy, how he found support exiting fundamentalism, his expulsion from BJU, and the work he's doing healing and speaking out. Andrew was raised in a fundamentalist Christian cult and realized in his youth that he was gay. He attended Bob Jones University, which is a fundamentalist Christian college with a chilling history of abuse. While there, Andrew was bullied, harassed, tailed by college employees, and subjected to conversion therapy. In his junior year Andrew was expelled from BJU for publicly denouncing fundamentalism. Andrew is healing and working hard to spread awareness of religious abuse. His new podcast, "Surviving Bob Jones University: A Christian Cult" is exposing BJU's racist and abusive legacy. Andrew's story is of learning to honor your inner voice and follow your intuition, even when everything and everyone around you is telling you it's wrong.

Andrew's Website: https://andrewpledger.mypixieset.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/4ndrewpledger/
Links: https://andrewpledger.mypixieset.com/links

Andrew's Podcasts-

Surviving Bob Jones University: A Christian Cult: https://open.spotify.com/show/6zpFerrBjOuNACq1oklIU6
Speaking Up: Surviving Religions and Cults: https://shows.acast.com/speaking-up-with-andrew-pledger

Andrew's Interview with Josh Harris
https://youtu.be/qRwx4OoS2aM?si=Qtv8ifHW5vICIB9W

The Trevor Project - Crisis Hotline for LGBTQ+ youth:
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/get-help/

Conversion Therapy
https://www.hrc.org/resources/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapy

Pattern of Narcissistic Abuse
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/narcissistic-relationship-pattern

Hypnotherapy for Trauma
https://psychcentral.com/health/hypnotherapy-trauma#hypnotherapy-for-treating-trauma

IndoctriNation Podcast
https://www.podpage.com/indoctrination/

Deconstruction Reddit Threads
https://www.reddit.com/r/FundieSnarkUncensored/

https://www.reddit.com/r/cultsurvivors/?xpromo_edp=enabled

Finding OK website: https://www.finding-ok.com/

Become a Patreon member!
https://www.patreon.com/HecateFindingOK

Support the Show: https://www.finding-ok.com/support/

Hecate's Links: https://linktr.ee/FindingOK

Letters for the Fire: https://www.finding-ok.com/blog/letters-for-the-fire-season-5/

Thank you so much for listening. BLM. Take care of yourself <3

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