Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success

What to Do and What to Say to Turn "Failures" into Character-Building Moments

By: Michelle Icard

Narrated by: Michelle Icard

Length: 9 hrs and 16 mins

Publisher's summary

Turn common adolescent missteps, from relationship blunders to rebellions that backfire, into character-building moments—by the author of Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen.

“This clear-eyed, practical, fun-to-read guide is an essential read for every parent.”—Lisa Damour, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers

Every child messes up, sometimes in ways that seem sure to wreck their futures: a bad report card, poor sportsmanship, underaged drinking. These are tough moments for parent and child alike, often complicated by the fear that the misstep is also an indictment of our parenting. But what each of these “fails” has in common for our kids is the precious silver lining of a chance for character building and developing more grit—if we help them process their mistake well.

An invaluable playbook for anxious parents everywhere, Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success offers specific and unexpected advice about what to say, what not to say, and what to do to help children in eight categories of tense situations. Distilled from Michelle Icard’s decades of experience working with tweens, teenagers, and families, it also introduces her signature three-step approach to any kind of failure:

• Contain: Affirm your child, gather the facts, and control the narrative.

• Resolve: Explain what went wrong, define clear consequences, teach them to apologize well, and develop a plan to rebuild trust.

• Evolve: Reaffirm and re-expand their rights, and establish rewards for good behaviors.

With empathy, insight, and optimism, Michelle Icard’s advice ensures that a child’s mistake or rebellion doesn’t become the headline of their childhood, but instead becomes a launch pad to a better future.

©2023 Michelle Icard (P)2023 Random House Audio

Critic reviews

“Michelle Icard has written the playbook parents need to turn the inevitable challenges that come with growing up into opportunities for tremendous growth and maturation. This clear-eyed, practical, fun-to-read guide is an essential read for every parent.” (Lisa Damour, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers)

“If you’ve ever worried about your kids' mistakes, drop everything and read Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success. It's a smart, reassuring, and incredibly informative guide that will help parents recognize the value of failure and how to handle it.” (Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes)

“Michelle Icard is the master of walking parents and caregivers through the trials of adolescence through relatable examples, organic, easy-to-follow advice, and a tone and sense of humor that takes the alarm out of these moments, and replaces it with empowerment, connection and joy.” (Dr. John Duffy, author of Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety)

A must-listen for parents of tweens and teens!

This book is an immensely practical guide, helping parents learn to respond to child setbacks in a way that fosters growth. With plenty of humor throughout, parents learn what is normal teen behavior, why those behaviors exist, and again, how to best respond when setbacks occur. I can’t recommend this book enough!

Excellent book on dealing with common problems for middle school teenagers

Michelle wrote a great book on dealing with some common setbacks with teenagers. I’m realizing now that if I had had this two or three years ago I think my relationship with my oldest daughter would be better. But it’s not too late for dealing with my youngest daughter.