Controlling People

How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You

By: Patricia Evans

Narrated by: Xe Sands

Length: 6 hrs and 34 mins

Publisher's summary

Does this sound like someone you know?

• Always needs to be right. Tells you who you are and what you think.
• Implies that you're wrong or inadequate when you don't agree.
• Is threatened by people who are "different".
• Feels attacked when questioned.
• Doesn't seem to really hear or see you.

If any of the above traits sounds familiar, help is on the way! In Controlling People, best-selling author Patricia Evans tackles the "controlling personality" and reveals how and why these people try to run other people's lives. She also explains the compulsion that makes them continue this behavior - even as they alienate others and often lose those they love.

Controlling People helps you unravel the senseless behavior that plagues both the controller and the victim. Can the pattern, or spell, be broken? Yes! says the author. By understanding the compelling force involved, you can be a catalyst for change and actually become a spell-breaker. Once the spell is broken and the controller sees others as they really are, a genuine connection can be forged and healing can occur.

Should you ever find yourself in the thrall of someone close to you, Controlling People is here to give you the wisdom, power, and comfort you need to be a stronger, happier, and more independent person.

©2003 Patricia Evans (P)2012 Tantor

Critic reviews

"A timely book that not only helps readers free themselves from controlling types but also seeks to explain the occurrence of verbal abuse, battering, stalking, harassment, hate crimes, gang violence, tyranny, terrorism, and territorial invasion." ( Library Journal)

EXTRAORDINARY

Any additional comments?

Not only did this book help me recognize my wife's control tactics, but I began to see how I used some of the same tactics on her and others I love. Not only did I learn how to 'break the spell' with my wife, I also stopped behaving this way myself and my family is healthier for it. I can honestly say that this book has changed my life for the better.

The narrator is one of the best I've heard yet.

What a bargain.

Wow, Wow, Wow!! Powerful Healing Insights!

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

I plan to listen to this book three times in a row. I started out reading it and then discovered it was available here on audible. This book is a life saver! As I read and listened it made complete sense of my life. Absolutely everyone could benefit from listening to this book. We could begin to heal our lives, our families, our society, our world one person at a time!

Any additional comments?

Great narration. Nice voice. Excellent writing. Pitched right at you--no fast pitches, slow balls nor curve balls.

When you are tired of being the teddy bear

What made the experience of listening to Controlling People the most enjoyable?

The Internet has made contact with other people who now can talk about this issue with each other much easier, this book has been like a book club -- community and a good read.

What did you like best about this story?

Gradually in a relationship one person can stop being somebody and become something -- a comforting constant. When this happens -- well, teddy bears don't have needs of their own, they are tools for solving problems, transitional objects, beloved parts of the people that love them.

Which character – as performed by Xe Sands – was your favorite?

Xe Sands had the perfect voice for this book.

What did you learn from Controlling People that you would use in your daily life?

It's easier to not become a comfort object to another person in the first place, but it's not that hard to stop the dynamics from continuing to progress, and the simple understanding of the dynamics stopped a lot of pain for me right away, and the changed stayed with me.

Any additional comments?

This is a great book to listen to either playing into the room so that everyone can hear, or, for a controlling person to read.

Insightful

I am going to listen to this book again. It was very eye opening and helped me to grow in understanding of people that control others.
The book offers me information that I need so as to be able to make hard decisions of divorce.
I listened to "verbal abusers, can he change" and I gave my spouse "The Agreement" 3 days ago. I appreciate the strength that comes with the lessons learned in listening to Patricia Evan's audiobooks.

This book changed my entire perspective.

I now see the world through a different lens, the lens described in Controlling People that allows one to see nonsensical controlling behavior in myself and others. With Patricia Evans' guidance in this book, I believe I will be able to break the spell of controlling behavior of those who are unconsciously abusing me. I highly recommend this audio book, as it may just change your life.

Informative but...

Any additional comments?

This book was interesting, but not as beneficial as expected. The first chapters (up to 14) focus on explaining what controlling people do and where they come from.

There is a lot of theoretical talk and little stories. Later in the book the story of the teddy bear cleared a lot of the misunderstanding, but it was only provided very late in the book.
More detailed review online

Tarik Alsharafi
Bestselling Author and Founder

Wow

I was treated like a dog being trained by a choke collar. While I never believed I was a dog nor that I should be choked (not that a dog should be choked either) I believed I was doing bad things that were contributing to my treatment. I believed logic, reason and good behavior could free me from this treatment but my logic, reason and good behavior were used to further imprison me. I was so confused about why I was treated how I was but now I understand. Sometimes being in the world is like being in an old black and white movie except when you come to understand something it is like a certain color becomes visible. You start to see it every where and it is beautiful. Even if the new color sheds light on something ugly it can be used for so much beauty. Read this book with an open mind and a genuine attempt to understand and you will gain a new color or two to your visible spectrum that can free you from fear and bondage it you let it.

Great resource

For anyone who has ever grown up in a less than loving and nurturing environment, is partnered with a controlling significant other, or is in a system of compliance, this is a must go to book. It might just save your life, both physically and emotionally.

end results

Thank you so very much. I have listened twice for the emotional support to thrive and educate myself through the toxic aftermath of my confusion. you're audio has been a hero through my struggles for hope. Best money I spent.

Exactly what I needed

I was confused about my ext husband's behavior. I tried multiple different approaches. After a recent escalation I was drawn to this book. I understand now. It is a real relief to have some answers. I wish there was more I could do to break the spell but since I am the ex-wife my input is dismissed and ignored. I can at least stay away and understand from a distance what is going on. Thank you.