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Publisher's Summary

There's no question about it: your children are the most important thing in your life. But if you have gone through a messy divorce, your relationship with your children may become strained if you have to deal with a toxic ex. Your ex may bad-mouth you in front of the kids, accuse you of being a bad parent, and even attempt to replace you in the children's lives with a new partner. As a result, your children may become confused, conflicted, angry, anxious, or depressed - and you may feel powerless.

In Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex, a nationally recognized parenting expert offers you a positive parenting approach to dealing with a hostile ex-spouse. You'll learn to avoid the most common mistakes of co-parenting, how to avoid "parental alienation syndrome", and effective techniques for talking to your children in a way that fosters an open and honest response. In addition, you'll learn how to protect your children from painful loyalty conflicts between you and your ex-spouse.

©2014 Amy J. L. Baker and Paul R. Fine (P)2016 Tantor

Critic Reviews

"Genuinely helpful, this guide tackles a sensitive problem and shows how to diffuse it with accepted and proven psychotherapeutic practices." ( Publishers Weekly)

What members say

Average Customer Ratings

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Not Helpful For Me

This may be a good book for people who have started raising kids together. My ex and I split before our son was born and have differences based on his controlling and verbally abusive behavior. This book seems to focus on the basic struggles of any kind of conflict between exes. It is really more for coping with any kind of contentious divorce. Not for clinical level toxicity or genuine abuse.

12 of 12 people found this review helpful

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  • FireStar
  • Raleigh, NC United States
  • 10-27-16

Good overall advice - some info outdated

I like the overall message that you should be present for your child and focus on them.
There are some good overall tools in skills for dealing with situations covered in this book.
It does however come from an assumption that this is something to be lived with rather than changed.
The author seems to rely on the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) model which is surrounded in controversy. I would encourage anyone Learning about this to check out attachment based parental alienation (AB –PA) and get involved with changing this dynamic. When we focus on this as one parent and one child — it may seem insurmountable. But the truth is, there are many people dealing with this. When we band together we become a force much stronger than any individual ever could be.

14 of 16 people found this review helpful

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Both parents are toxic

The title of the book is a bit misleading. The authors assume that both parents are toxic. This book is light on ideas to deal with the toxic parent and heavy on the Eastern mindful/dialectical parenting approach, e.g., strong undertow of moral relativism and absence of absolute truth. The authors suggest a Buddhist prayer.

1 of 1 people found this review helpful

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Wow!

This book was spot on with my life the last 6 years since my divorce, I had NO idea I was responding the wrong way until I ended up in court on an emergency custody hearing order for things that never ever happened, now I realize the brainwashing was years in making. I'm definitely kicking myself for not getting this book years ago when I knew my ex was telling my kids horrible untrue things about me :-(

2 of 3 people found this review helpful

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not overly helpful

it doesnt give enough insight on how to avoid conflicts or how to predict what might come up in various situations.

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enlightening, encouraging, comforting & powerful

for anybody struggling with a co-parent that they may consider to be toxic, I would definitely recommend reading this book. a wealth of information and and overall pleasure to read. paysource of information too over time, reference again and again inspiration and assistance. very thankful to the authors for taking their time to bless those who read it with the options and opportunities it provides.

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Supplemental Source

I found some parts of the book useful providing a decent foundation for a range of coparenting issues and could relate to most of it as both a child and a parent perspective that are supported by other parenting literature, but some parts are questionably biased and missed the realistic approach it seemed to be aiming for. Overall it served it's purpose as a reflective tool and a reminder of how to approach some specific situations, but I would use it as a supplement to other research on the topic rather than a main resource.

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Easy to Follow

Very light read. Is definitely a how to guide with examples, scenarios and take away points/coping skill advice. Great audible for multitasking.

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Was looking for more tangible takeaways

Narration had some weird pronunciations. Book was high on diagnosis but low on solutions that were realistic and compelling. I could identify with many of the issues described but came away with general parenting advice about being nice and not letting the situation get to you. small comfort!

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Very helpful

This book was so spot on with so many issues commonly faced! It helped ease my mind that the behaviors we are indeed a result of the situation and offered helpful tips and advice for what do and what to avoid when those behaviors or situations come up.