Justin Herman is a television director and producer, internationally touring stand-up comedian, and co-creator of Kinky Comedy originally from Albany, New York where his formal sex education consisted of one awkward school lesson separating boys and girls, a confusing anatomical chart, and a diner conversation with his dad about "the birds and the bees" that definitely did NOT cover kink.

In this episode we talk about the lifestyle community, kink and non-monogamy, how Kinky Comedy accidentally became a hub for sexually liberated audiences, the anthropology of play parties, why lifestyle spaces tend to create deeper friendships, and what happens when kinky jokes collide with vanilla comedy crowds. We also get into porn magazines as early sex education, polyamory as emotional calculus, consent culture in BDSM communities, and the surprisingly wholesome reality of seeing your friends thrive in sexually open environments.

Then, Justin and I go deep reading Reddit stories over on Patreon!
https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck

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Where to find Justin:
Instagram: @justin_herman
Kinky Comedy: https://kinkycomedy.com
Website: https://justinhermancomedy.com

Where to find Arielle:
Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon:

• STORY 1: Am I the asshole for wanting my girl to do more cleaning around the apartment?
• STORY 2: Am I the asshole for banning my sister's boyfriend from my house and closing the door in his face?

Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here:
https://lovecrave.com/arielle

_____________________________________________

Episode Cheat Sheet

02:05 What Kinky Comedy is and how it started
06:40 What "the lifestyle" actually means (kink, BDSM and non-monogamy)
09:10 Why women watching male-male porn often feel safer and more connected to the pleasure
11:15 Building community through sex-positive comedy shows
15:50 Why kinky jokes bomb in vanilla comedy rooms
18:20 XBIZ, adult industry spaces and sexual openness
20:40 Seeing your friends have sex and what it teaches about personality
23:00 The anthropology of play parties and lifestyle spaces
25:15 Why polyamory requires extreme emotional intelligence
27:30 Body positivity, vulvas and seeing real bodies in lifestyle spaces
29:35 Why naked confidence makes everyone hotter
31:50 Consent culture and why lifestyle spaces prioritize women's comfort
34:05 Negotiation vs coercion in kink and BDSM dynamics
36:00 The Orgy Dome at Burning Man and radical consent practices
38:10 Why people attend play parties without having sex
40:13 Justin's real sex education: awkward school lessons and the diner birds-and-bees talk
42:20 Porn magazines as early sex education for teenage boys
46:30 Why boys looking at porn together is its own weird cultural ritual
49:40 Punching down in comedy and evolving standards in humor
54:15 Why comedy should evolve as society evolves
56:30 The origin of the "real good sex guy" title
58:50 Growing Kinky Comedy into a real community event

Lotus Lain is an adult performer, producer, intimacy coordinator and sex worker advocate originally from California's Central Valley where growing up in a small town meant most of her real sex education came later through curiosity, the internet, and eventually working in the adult industry itself.

In this episode we talk about the unexpected overlap between porn and Hollywood, how the adult industry approached consent, boundaries and choreography long before mainstream film and television caught up, and why productions eventually realized they needed intimacy coordinators. We also get into mentorship in the adult industry, what actually happens on set when filming sex scenes, and why performers deserve experts guiding those moments.

Catch Lotus and I gettin' real reading Reddit stories over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck

____________________________________________________

Where to find Lotus:
Instagram: @icy.lotus
TikTok: @icy.lotus

Where to find Arielle:
Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Organizations we support:

• Free Speech Coalition
• Sexual Wellness Professional Alliance

Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon:

• STORY 1: My husband (37M) has been seeing other women and I (36F) don't know if I should give him another chance. What would you do?
• STORY 2: AIO? My daughter didn't listen to the teacher during a female emergency and is now receiving a referral

Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here:
https://lovecrave.com/arielle

___________________________________________________

Episode Cheat Sheet:

02:29 Growing up in California's Central Valley
04:28 Discovering the adult industry
06:36 Mentorship and "porn mom" lineage
08:45 Consent and boundaries on adult film sets
10:55 The logistics of filming sex scenes
13:18 Why Hollywood eventually needed intimacy coordinators
15:31 Differences between porn sets and traditional film sets
17:38 Choreographing realistic sex scenes
19:54 Why actors need experts guiding intimate scenes
22:15 Performer advocacy and safety on set
24:35 The rise of intimacy coordination in Hollywood
26:58 What film productions still get wrong about sex scenes
28:40 Why sex workers understand boundaries and consent
30:41 Supporting performers during vulnerable scenes
33:01 Changing the culture of filming intimacy

Aimee Latta is a certified embodied intimacy and relationship coach and the host of the podcast Come Talk With Aimee, originally from Utah where the best sex education she got was a fifth grade presentation from a very enthusiastic husband and wife team… followed by years of abstinence-only education and a very graphic childbirth video meant to scare everyone into never having sex.

In this episode we talk about growing up in Utah, abstinence-only sex education, Mormon purity culture, and what happens when the only messaging around sex is prevention instead of pleasure. We also get into Aimee's journey from working in public health policy to becoming an intimacy and relationship coach helping people reconnect with their bodies, their pleasure, and their partners.

Want more? Catch bonus Reddit story reactions, private chats and more on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck

_________________________________________________

Where to find Aimee:
Instagram: @cometalkwithaimee

TikTok: @cometalkwithaimee

Podcast: https://www.cometalkwithaimee.com/podcast

Where to find Arielle:
Instagram: @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle

Episode cheat sheet:

00:46 Starting a sex podcast and talking about sex publicly
03:22 Why talking about sex still feels taboo
05:18 How Aimee started the Come Talk With Aimee podcast
10:00 Being a public voice in sex education and intimacy coaching
18:54 From public health policy to becoming an intimacy coach
28:12 Growing up in Utah with abstinence-only sex education
34:57 BYU rules, Mormon purity culture, and sex before marriage
47:42 Mormon garments, religion, and sexuality
49:21 Becoming a sex and relationship coach
53:52 Painful sex in marriage and rediscovering pleasure
59:57 Why couples struggle to talk openly about sex

Tito Bonito is an international burlesque performer, host and instructor originally from Miami, Florida where he knew he was gay before he even knew how babies were made… and learned most of the rest through TLC, the Spice Girls, and sheer curiosity.

Catch Tito and I talkin' some real shit reading Reddit stories and join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Join the live watch party on YouTube today, episode release day, at 4p PT / 7p ET: https://www.youtube.com/@birdsandbeesdontfck

_________________________________________________

Where to find Tito:
Instagram: @cubanmissilecrisis | Links: https://www.titobonito.com/links

Where to find Arielle:
Insta: @ariellezadok // @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck

Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon:

• STORY 1: My (31F) husband (33M) of four years doesn't take our role playing seriously when we have sex. He purposely takes his characters way over the top.
• STORY 2: AITA for dropping our dinner on the ground and walking out when my boyfriend asked me "What's for dinner tonight, b*tch?"

Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle

________________________________________________

Episode Cheat Sheet:

03:07 Shadowbanning, algorithms and why sex educators need Patreon
07:00 Demisexuality, graysexuality and why dating apps don't work for everyone
09:14 Friends who fuck, play communities and chosen family
10:41 Why hookup culture looks different for women, femmes and men
12:45 The dream of a hookup app for women and femmes
18:31 Why talking about sex openly matters
20:00 Therapy, curiosity and emotional intelligence in relationships
23:07 Why getting "dicked down" can improve your mood
24:22 Prostate pleasure, anal play and why butt toys need a stopper
27:05 Lube 101: silicone vs water based and toy safety
29:31 Gooning, masturbation and slowing down sexual experiences
31:40 Subspace, rope play and erotic trance states
36:18 Growing up gay in Miami and early memories of sexuality
40:52 Masculinity, machismo and emotionally healthy men
46:22 Why it's harder for men to seek emotional or sexual support
49:36 The performance of masculinity and learning sensuality
53:55 Why monogamy puts pressure on one partner to meet every sexual need
57:35 Men in burlesque and how Tito found the stage
59:27 The early burlesque scene and performing masculine tropes
01:03:44 Why burlesque is political, comedic and deeply sex positive
01:06:03 Giving audiences permission to explore sexuality
01:08:20 Consent culture and why burlesque spaces teach boundaries

Join the watch party LIVE AT FIVE on YouTube: https://youtu.be/BKSYUvCUo74?si=BiA5cpUkzvn53BrX

Jimanekia Eborn is a trauma specialist, sexuality educator, survivor advocate, co-owner of Cintima, and founder of the nonprofit Tending the Garden, originally from Riverside, California where she actually DID received sex education multiple times growing up… but was any of it good? Absolutely not.

In this episode we talk about grief, trauma work, modern dating struggles, sex education failures, intimacy coordination, professional wrestling (yes, I mean that), mental health, and why community and safe spaces are essential for connection and pleasure.

Catch Jimanekia and I reading Reddit stories and join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon:

• STORY 1: AITA for cancelling mother's day celebration that I arranged for my wife after hearing what she told my son?
• STORY 2: AIO if I end my relationship because my bf kisses and tells me he loves me before leaving for work in the morning?

Where to find Jimanekia:
Instagram: @jimanekia
Cintima Training: https://cintima.co
Nonprofit: https://tendingthegarden.love

Where to find Arielle:
Insta: @ariellezadok // @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @birdsandbeesdontfck

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Like my cuffs? Me too! Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle

Episode Cheat Sheet & Index:

00:09 Intro
02:30 Imposter syndrome and starting the podcast
05:00 Jimanekia's work in professional wrestling mental health
08:30 Losing her father and navigating grief
10:20 The power of laughter during difficult moments
12:10 Community, connection, and safe spaces during the pandemic
15:15 Dating apps and the loss of real connection
17:45 Nervous systems, safety, and intimacy
20:00 Protecting your peace and sexual boundaries
21:40 Working in sex education and consent culture
23:00 Growing up in Riverside, California
23:50 Early sex education experiences
25:30 Sneaking HBO and learning from Real Sex and Loveline
29:00 Why representation in sex education matters
31:20 Finding community in the sex industry
33:30 Boundaries and accountability in sexuality spaces
36:00 How Jimanekia got into intimacy coordination training
40:30 Building Cintima and training intimacy coordinators
44:00 Working across trauma care, media, and sexuality education
47:00 Play parties, consent culture, and power dynamics
49:30 Weird and wonderful jobs in the sexuality industry
51:00 Learning about sex through books and curiosity
54:00 Balancing multiple careers in sexuality work
58:30 Why asking for help matters

Whitaker Cohen is the Founder and CEO of Amore Sui, originally from the East Coast where despite having a mom who worked for Planned Parenthood she still received plenty of medical sex education without any lessons on pleasure.

We talk about terrible sex education, orgasm myths, squirting, consent, power dynamics, and how Whitaker went from a few bad anal experiences to launching a company designing beginner friendly butt plugs specifically for women.

Catch Whitaker and I reading Reddit stories and join the afterparty over on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Episode cheat sheet:

00:38 Meeting Whitaker Cohen
05:23 Growing up with Planned Parenthood sex education
09:55 Goal oriented sex vs pleasure
12:14 Squirting myths
16:59 What sex education actually teaches
19:23 The clitoris and missing research
24:07 The "blue balls" myth
28:38 Consent, fawning, and sexual assault
33:10 Power dynamics and sex
37:52 Discovering anal pleasure
40:03 Starting Amore Sui
44:28 Designing a beginner friendly butt plug
49:09 Why most butt plugs are badly designed
53:43 Launching a sex toy company
58:01 Reddit story teaser

Bonus stories found exclusively on Patreon:

STORY 1: I found my fiancés sex tape with my stepmother. We're supposed to get married in two weeks.

STORY 2: AITA for locking up my stuff so my wife will not touch it

Where to find Whitaker:
Instagram: @loveamorsui
Get 10% off your oder: https://loveamorsui.com/ARIELLE15

Where to find Arielle:
Insta: @ariellezadok // @birdsandbeesdontfck
TikTok: @ThePleasureProducer // @birdsandbeesdontfck

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/birdsandbeesdontfck

Like my cuffs? Me too. Get $15 Off Crave Pleasure Jewelry Here: https://lovecrave.com/arielle

CLICK HERE to access the full episode.

It's here! Our very first bonus episode of Birds & Bees Don't Read Reddit and I'm starting this adventure with none other than comedian Elisa Ellis who also happens to get the most unhinged versions of me in real life.

This episode is WILD ya'll. Here are the stories, only available on Patreon:

Story 1: I just found out that I'm a mistress...of 4 years. OMG. How do I tell her? 48M/36F

Story 2: My 43f husbands 46m affair partner 19f is pregnant doesn't know the baby's father and I don't know where to begin with fixing this

Story 3: AITA For suing my girlfriend after she had my 1967 impala project taken to the scrapyard? Honestly, this was one hell of a way to start.

Follow Elisa: On Instagram & TikTok @ElisaMcBear

Follow Me: On Instagram & TikTok @BirdsAndBeesDontFck and my personal Instagram @ArielleZadok

Love my Crave Cuffs? Use my link and get $15 off anything storewide: lovecrave.com/arielle

I ghosted, I know. And I'm sorry. So here's a little update on where things are at! Including me losing (for now) my primary instagram account @ariellezadok

Like, comment & subscribe if you're happy to hear me!

________________

Get your Backstage Pass and join the circle community: https://www.thepleasureproducer.com/backstagepass

Take the free masterclass, Pleasure on Purpose: https://www.thepleasureproducer.com/masterclass

Dive into The Sexy Directory: https://thesexydirectory.substack.com/

Follow me on instagram: @BirdsAndBeesDontFck // @ThePleasureProducer (at least these still exist... for now!)