In this episode of the Just for Today podcast, Adriana interviews Kristina, a therapist and recovering alcoholic. Kristina discusses her upbringing in Washington Heights and the deep-seated feelings of loneliness stemming from growing up with an absent father. She explains how her relationship with alcohol evolved from teenage partying and college bingeing into a daily dependence on vodka to mask the pain of her marriage and eventual divorce. The episode highlights her profound breaking point, which occurred when her 14-year-old daughter and ex-husband confronted her about her drinking problem. This confrontation led to an intense moment of suicidal ideation in her kitchen before Kristina made the life-saving decision to enter a 30-day rehabilitation center.

Today, at 45 years old, Kristina utilizes her personal recovery experience to guide her therapy clients through nervous system regulation and trauma healing.

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Everyone thought they were triplets. Jake, Joe, and Sam Sharp did everything together. Then in March 2020, while both twins were serving LDS missions in Mexico, Sam died by suicide at 16.

Jake and Joe sit down with Adriana to talk about the day the call came, the two nights they spent alone in a foreign country before they could fly home, and closing the casket on their best friend. They get into the parts families usually keep private: their ten-year-old brother finding him, the shame and perfectionism they think played a role, and why being angry at God didn't cost them their faith.

Adriana also shares her own attempt, and the three words in her late husband's handwriting that stopped her and became the name of this podcast.

Sam was the light in every room. He was also the one struggling. As his brothers say: he lost a battle, but look at all the battles he won.

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: Detailed discussion of suicide, suicide attempt and method, depression, and religious shame.

Connect with Jake & Joe

► Instagram: @jduofit

Connect with Adriana

► TikTok: @justfortodaypodcast

► Instagram: @justfortodaypodcast

► YouTube: @justfortodaypodcast

This podcast was produced by Scufd Studio Pvt. Ltd. For permissions, inquiries, or collaboration, please contact hello@scufdstudio.com

Like and subscribe if this episode gave you chills, changed your perspective, or brought you comfort.

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Two days before they were supposed to move into their dream home, Makela Allen's husband died by suicide. He'd been sober for nearly two and a half years. She was 29, with a three-year-old, a 15-month-old, and a 15-year-old niece she'd just taken in after her own mother died eight months earlier.

In this episode of Just For Today, Makela sits down with Adriana to tell the whole story, not the version she posted on Instagram. She talks about the years of drinking and abuse she hid behind smiling photos, the intervention, the night she gave him the ultimatum that got him sober, and the Thursday morning he brought her a cup of coffee before he left. She walks us through the Target parking lot, the cop cars, the drone, the hospital, and the phone call to his mother that ended their relationship for good.

She also talks about what nobody prepares you for: that there is no research on childhood suicide grief. That her four-year-old told his friends at school a werewolf killed his dad. That her son says "my dad died" to waiters, and she refuses to teach him shame about it. That Father's Day is now donuts at the cemetery at 7am because Arizona hits 100 degrees by 8. That year two was harder than year one. That she felt peace for the first time in eight years, and felt guilty for feeling it.

And then there's the part people don't expect from a widow: she's dating again. "Ten men, ten experiences," which turns out to be less about sex than about learning who she is when she's not somebody's wife.

This is a conversation between two young widows who have both told their kids their dad is dead, who have both been asked why they're "still talking about it," and who both keep coming back to the same answer: grief and joy can coexist, and life can still be beautiful.

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains detailed discussion of suicide, domestic violence, alcohol addiction, and child grief. Please take care of yourself while listening.

CHAPTERS

00:38 Meet Makela: mom of two, wedding producer, widow

02:20 Married at 23: "we were two broken puzzle pieces"

03:33 The drinking, the anger, and the apartments he destroyed

04:24 The work trip that changed everything

06:04 February 7th: the ultimatum that got him sober

08:03 "You can't love someone more than they love themselves"

10:49 "If I knew our ending, would I still have chosen him?"

12:25 Healing out loud when he suffered in silence

14:27 The Disneyland photo where she hid her bruises

17:00 What her kids remember (and what she's grateful they don't)

18:18 "There are no books on childhood suicide grief"

22:00 The werewolf theory: how kids piece it together

24:31 "My dad died": teaching a six-year-old there's no shame

26:52 Donuts with Dad at the cemetery

29:04 The last week

32:14 The last morning: the coffee, the kiss, the text

34:40 The Target parking lot

37:20 The hospital, the cops, and the call to his mom

41:13 Telling a three-year-old his dad died

45:00 Grieving a parent at every developmental stage

49:40 Filling your own cup while everyone judges you for it

52:00 Dating again: "ten men, ten experiences"

57:18 Her non-negotiables now

1:02:04 What grief taught her: life can still be beautiful

Connect with Makela

► Instagram: @makelaallen

Connect with Adriana

► TikTok: @justfortodaypodcast

► Instagram: @justfortodaypodcast

► YouTube: @justfortodaypodcast

This podcast was produced by Scufd Studio Pvt. Ltd. For permissions, inquiries, or collaboration, please contact hello@scufdstudio.com

Like and subscribe if this episode gave you chills, changed your perspective, or brought you comfort.

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