Months after a gay breakup, you may still think about your ex every day. You might miss the sex, the companionship, or how you felt about yourself when he wanted you. Losing those parts of the relationship can make it harder to let go.
In this episode of the Gay Therapy LA Podcast, Ken Howard, LCSW explores why you keep replaying the relationship and when thinking it through becomes rumination. He discusses rejection, aging, sex with an ex, open relationships, and the pull of checking his dating profiles and social media. He also considers how easily we remember the good times while overlooking what wasn't working.

The episode offers ways to understand what you miss, set boundaries around contact and reminders, and rebuild friendships, routines, and self-worth after a breakup. Ken also discusses when persistent distress may call for additional support.

You've built the career, earned the recognition, and reached goals your younger self once dreamed about. Why can success still feel exhausting—or strangely unsatisfying?

In this episode, Ken Howard, LCSW explores the gay high achievement paradox: how the strengths that help gay men succeed can become difficult to set aside when it's time to enjoy the lives they've built. He considers the role of rejection and being underestimated, and the difference between achievement as a means of creating a fulfilling life and achievement as the foundation of your identity.

The conversation also addresses the transition from skilled professional to effective leader, delegation and difficult workplace relationships, and why executive authority doesn't translate into equal partnership at home. Midlife, retirement, friendship, intimacy, and making time for postponed interests all raise a larger question: what was your success supposed to make possible?

For gay men who want to explore these questions, learn about psychotherapy for California residents at GayTherapyLA.com or coaching at GayCoachingLA.com. Psychotherapy and coaching are distinct services; the appropriate approach depends on your needs and location.

Ken Howard, LCSW, explores the psychology behind September 11 and its lasting aftermath—from absolutism and dehumanization to grief, survivor guilt, anniversary reactions, and resilience. Drawing on personal memories and his work with gay men, he considers how experiences of vulnerability and loss shape our sense of safety, while distinguishing trauma responses from PTSD.