At Dark, I Become Loathsome

From Eric LaRocca—Bram Stoker Award–nominated and Splatterpunk Award–winning author of Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke—comes At Dark, I Become Loathsome, a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love.

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.

Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light.

Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2025 Eric LaRocca (P)2025 Blackstone Publishing

Critic reviews

Kobo Pick 2025

CinemaChords Pick 2025

Audible Pick 2025

ThriftBooks Pick 2025

BookTrib Pick

Den of Geek

B&N Reads 2025

How many times can you repeat the same sentence!

Hollow story with little content. Title was repeated so much it annoying. Would not recommend.

If you want to feel weirded out and read about loss, this is it

This was different. It was a unique take on someone who has been ravaged by loss and tries to find the thing that keeps them going. Although the two side stories do give context to the plot, I believe they took up too much space in relation to the length of the main plot. There could’ve been more done there to keep the audience going. Nonetheless- creepy, disgusting, sexual, agonizing, and a great listen (loved the narrator). Overall I’d say a 7.8-7.9/10

Twisted and delightful, but not quite satisfying

I was immediately drawn into At Dark I Become Loathsome from the very beginning. Through the first half of the book I was honestly shell shocked at the depth of depravity this author reaches for. The sickening kaleidoscope of obscure and taboo is brought to life with force… and there’s no hiding from it.

However…. The storyline never really comes to fruition. Further into the book I felt, almost annoyed with Ashley’s continuing to be the victim of his circumstances. So much effort Is put into modifications and the life he’s created that it’s a choice to be miserable.

There’s also too many parts that don’t fully line up, or have a tidy conclusion. For example - the excerpts throughout the book, the reports, what are they for?

Ashley choosing to pick the gentleman in the hospital as his final letter? An experience that fleeting?

No answer or final rest for Bailey?

The figures at the end of the book?

I fully applaud the authors disturbed artistry and use of power descriptions, but the book fell flat in many ways. If you’re looking for any depth past graphic sex scenes … I’d suggest skipping this one.

Masterjinx76.. I know it’s dialogue on a computer but Jesus!!

Could have been an interesting story, but tries too hard to be twisted. I had to keep putting it down with all of the masterjinx76 repeats. It was making me insane!

Dark tragedy dealing with loss and death

The story was good and the characters are tragic but it’s a great story told by Mr Larooca