Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

You’ll peel back the second layer of the coercive-control “onion” and learn seven concrete ways control shows up: isolation, monitoring and surveillance, degradation and humiliation, control over everyday life, gaslighting, threats and intimidation, and rules with punishments. You’ll hear real-life examples (from “just preferences” to silent treatments) and why these patterns so often lead to estrangement.

Most importantly, you’ll get calm, practical guidance on what you can do right now—how to keep communication gentle and consistent, how to avoid confronting the partner (and why that matters), and how to signal a safe haven without adding pressure. If you suspect coercion in your adult child’s relationship, this episode gives you language, lenses, and next steps—at a pace that protects connection.

**All stories are an amalgamation of stories shared by clients and podcast listeners.

• Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 1) - Overview of Coercive Control and Estrangement — the foundation for this series; defines the dynamics and why they escalate.
• Peeling the Onion One Layer At a Time (Layer 3) Gatekeepers & Coercive Control Navigating “gatekeepers” without triggering coercive abuse and further estrangement.

#FamilyEstrangement #CoerciveControl #EstrangedAdultChildren #ParentReconnection #Gaslighting #ParentalAlienation #ParentChildReunification #FamilyCommunication #EstrangementGrief #ReconnectionStrategist #EstrangementExpert #DomesticAbuseAwareness #AdultChildRelationships #FaithFamilyHope

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

In this episode of When Our Adult Children Walk Away, Dr. Janet Steinkamp helps you peel back the first layer of the topic of coercive control. If you’ve noticed your estranged adult child suddenly changing their identity, distancing from family, or echoing words that don’t sound like their own, you may be witnessing coercive influence at work.

You’ll learn what coercive control looks like and why it is so pervasive in parental estrangement, why it’s so hard to detect, and the seven key warning signs to watch for—like social isolation, gaslighting, and control over daily life. More importantly, you’ll gain encouragement and practical strategies for keeping the light on in your relationship without fueling the coercive partner’s power.

This is about giving you clarity and hope as you navigate the painful reality of estrangement while still holding space for love, trust, and reconnection with your child.

Mentioned Episodes

• When Communication Becomes a Power Struggle: Power, Influence, Gaslighting & Coercive Control
• Future mini-series: Seven Aspects of Coercive Control

Suggested Reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/it-is-all-coercive-control/202508/when-estrangement-masks-abuse

#familyestrangement, #estrangedadultchild, #coercivecontrol, #parentreconnection, #estrangementexpert, #parentalalienation, #adultestrangement, #repairingrelationships

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and still, it can complicate an already painful estrangement.

In this thoughtful episode, Dr. Janet helps parents and adult children understand the role jealousy plays in their strained or fractured relationships.

Parents, you’re not alone in this. Estranged adult children also tell us they experience jealousy. But the experience for parents and adult children is different.

What does jealousy have to do with estrangement? And pointedly, how can jealousy hinder our ability to establish healthy and respectful communication?

Listen in to hear compassionate insights and consider practical examples.

This episode offers tools to recognize, manage, and move through jealousy in healthy ways.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• The Continuum of Estrangement
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey (Short)
• What is the Difference: Gaslighting vs Reframing

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

Join me as I walk you through the challenges and some solutions when you need to respond to invitations scheduled on or related to high-risk days. So often, these events include your adult child. So what then?!

How do our adult children decide whether to attend family events, annual festivities where you'll be present, etc?

In this episode, I provide a decision-making process to help you choose whether to attend high-risk social events.

What happens when a social invitation coincides with a high-risk day during estrangement? What should a parent do?

Think through this challenging decision: why we might feel pressure to attend, how adult children are also navigating similar questions, and when choosing to attend—or decline—might be the healthiest path.

Past episodes referenced in this conversation:

• Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message
• Friendly Advocate or Flying Monkey? (Short)

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

When estrangement is part of your life, even small talk can feel fraught.

In this episode, I help parents prepare and practice responses for when people — from close friends to casual acquaintances — ask about their adult children or grandchildren.

Practice, practice, practice. Thoughtful, intentional responses to questions about our estrangement circumstances can preserve privacy, reduce gossip, and keep the door open for future reconciliation.

By responding with positivity, honesty and gratitude, all parties concerned can feel they've done their part to support us, to show concern, and we feel like we're keeping the light on.

When a busybody comes with questions, we handle them differently. To learn more about managing busy bodies without causing conflict or increasing their curiousity check out the episode titiled Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message

Episodes referenced in this episode:

Cracking the Busy Body Code: Managing Your Message

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

If you’re an estranged parent working with a therapist—or thinking about it—this episode is a must-listen. In this episode, I walk listeners through five common mistakes therapists make when working with us, the estranged parents. From unfair blame to giving advice, therapists who are not familiar with familial estrangement may actually worsen the situation. I offer insights to help you recognize red flags and get the most beneficial and effective therapeutic services to assist you in navigating your estranged relationship. Grab your notebook and your favorite chair, and let’s dig into this important topic together.

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This episode is especially for our dads experiencing some degree of estrangement from their adult child.

Father’s Day is coming up—and if you're an estranged father, you know this day can land like a punch to the gut. Whether you're sitting in silence, hoping for a message that may never come, missing the traditions of the past or wondering if reaching out is the right move… this episode is for you.

Let’s talk about what makes Father’s Day so hard for estranged dads—and how you can take care of your heart while staying open to healing.

Highlights

• Father’s Day can stir deep emotional pain: feelings of loneliness, guilt, or shame—and society often compounds that by painting a picture of what fatherhood “should” look like.
• Estranged dads often wrestle with tough questions: Will my child reach out? Should I say something first? What if I just make things worse?
• Develop a strategy for open communication: recognize and respond to your estranged adult child's boundaries. Plan your response to and recognition of their needs and expectations.
• If you’re considering reaching out this Father’s Day, lead with reflection, not reaction: Keep messages simple and pressure-free, and know that trust is built through steady, respectful steps over time—not just one day.

#EstrangedDads #EstrangedParents #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth #RebuildTrust

https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/about

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.

Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you. Send an email to Janet@jesteinkamp. It is not possible to respond to your Fan Mail posts directly.

This episode is a follow-up to our Mother's Day conversation—and it's all about what to do next. If you’ve been blamed, shut out, or accused of things that hurt to hear… this one’s for you.

We’ll walk through how moms can start rebuilding trust when a relationship with their adult child is fractured or strained, especially when they're not sure how to begin. Each point helps build a roadmap to reestablish communication channels, listen actively, and build a truth-based relationship. Learn how to respond with humility, strength, and real change.

We’ll talk about:
✔️ How to recognize, stop overstepping and start respecting boundaries
✔️ When to apologize—and how to do it without making things worse
✔️ Why listening (really listening) is more powerful than defending
✔️ What to say—and what not to say—when trust is broken

You’re not alone. You don’t have to be perfect. If you’re willing to do the work, there’s hope for reestablishing a respectful and healthy connection. 💛

#EstrangedParents #MomsRebuildingTrust #EmotionalHealing #GriefSupport #MentalHealth

Support the show

For more information, please go to https://www.WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com to find resources, strategies and tips to prepare to repair!

The continuum of estrangement discussed today can be found at https://www.togetherestranged.org/levels-of-estrangement.

The stories, examples, reflections, and perspectives shared in this podcast are based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are either drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time. The intention of this podcast is not to accuse, label, or defame any individual but to provide insight, validation, and support for those navigating the complexities of family estrangement. All opinions expressed are my own and are shared with you, the listener, from a place of healing and learning.