What if masculinity isn’t innate—but taught? And what happens when we start to unlearn it?

In this episode, we sit down with TJ—a queer, trans, Middle Eastern-Armenian man and recovering academic—to explore how masculinity is shaped by culture, race, faith, and family. From drag king stages to circles of men of color who welcomed him without question, TJ shares how rare affirmations helped him understand his identity.

We trace these moments to broader systems: patriarchy as a colonial export, whiteness as the default for “acceptable” masculinity, and media narratives that shame Black culture while excusing white-coded genres. Our conversation spans Vermont, Chicago, and India’s vibrant streets, where trans women offer blessings and male friendships include hand-holding without stigma.

We wrestle with anger, pacifism, and fatherhood’s quiet fears. TJ reflects on why rejecting the label “man” once felt safer—and how embracing it became a way to challenge the link between masculinity and violence. We also talk faith: a Quaker lens that centers human light, and an atheist ethic that grounds goodness without divine reward.

This isn’t a checklist for being a man—it’s a practice. Affirm without policing. Unlearn whiteness as the norm. Make space for male intimacy beyond sex or aggression. Honor trans wisdom that expands the path for all.

If masculinity is taught, it can be retaught—toward care, consent, and connection.

🎧 Subscribe, share with someone who’ll push the conversation, and leave a review with one thing you’re unlearning about manhood. What part of the script would you rewrite?

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Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

What happens when we approach life with genuine curiosity? How might our lives transform if we questioned not just the world around us, but our own deepest assumptions about who we are?

Anupama Giri joins host Brian Hooks for a profound exploration of curiosity as a fundamental life force. Drawing from her childhood in Varanasi (one of the world's most ancient cities) where she witnessed life and death ceremonies happening side by side, she shares how early questions about existence shaped her approach to living fully.

"Without curiosity, there is no learning," Anupama observes, revealing how this quality connects to courage, hope, and even our neurological development. The conversation weaves through fascinating territory—from the challenges of learning to swim as an adult to why professional titles often become limitations rather than launchpads for growth. Perhaps most compelling is their discussion about the top regrets of the dying, with the number one regret being not trying rather than failing.

In an age where information overload has many taking things at face value rather than questioning deeply, this conversation offers a refreshing counterpoint. Brian and Anupama suggest that curiosity isn't just an intellectual exercise but a practice that opens doors to authenticity and fulfillment. Their exchange culminates in a powerful reimagining of an old adage—perhaps curiosity didn't kill the cat after all, but helped it find the milk.

Whether you're feeling stuck in your career, wondering about your purpose beyond professional achievement, or simply seeking to recapture the natural curiosity we all possessed as children, this episode offers gentle guidance and profound insights. As Anupama puts it: "Be curious, and you never know where you will land."

Want to connect with Anupama Giri? Check out her LinkedIn page at linkedin.com/in/anupama-giri-a24b1116

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Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

Ten episodes in, and What Makes Us has blossomed into a tapestry of human experiences I never could have imagined when starting this journey. This special reflection episode breaks from our usual format to explore what I've learned from conversations with people who've shaped my life in various ways.

The podcast began as a way to reconnect with what I loved most about my years in higher education – witnessing growth through stories. After leaving that world and moving to Bangalore, I missed being part of people's developmental journeys. What Makes Us became my way to continue that work while exploring the fundamental question of how we develop through our connections with others, groups, and society at large.

Each conversation has revealed something profound about the human experience. From Dr. Joy Hoffman's perspective-shifting moment about Columbine to the powerful vulnerability shown by my mother discussing her search for purpose through service, these stories create what I call "Brian's web" – a network of shared experiences seen through different lenses. The growth mindset emerges as a consistent thread throughout all episodes, with guests demonstrating how perceiving challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles creates forward momentum in life.

What inspires me most is watching people follow their intuition, step outside comfort zones, and embrace their authentic journeys. As we celebrate reaching 500 downloads and set our sights on 1,000, I'm excited to expand this web of connections with new voices and perspectives. The ultimate goal remains empowerment – helping you walk away from each episode feeling positive about where you are while recognizing the potential of where you might go. After all, we're all searching for what makes us who we are, and we learn best by doing it together.

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Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

In the 10th episode of "What Makes Us," host Brian Hooks sits down with his mother, Karen Hooks, for a deeply personal conversation about life's winding paths.

Karen's story is a rich tapestry of experiences: starting work at 15, navigating diverse careers, facing discrimination, attending the UN Conference on Women in China, and ultimately dedicating herself to serving veterans at the VA Hospital. Through every transition, her unwavering commitment to be in service with others shines through.

A powerful realization emerges during their chat: despite never having a fixed career goal, Karen has always been guided by this innate purpose. This offers a fresh perspective: perhaps purpose isn't about specific achievements, but how we engage with the world.

The conversation highlights that purpose often unfolds not through meticulous planning, but by following intuitive "nudges" and embracing unexpected opportunities. Karen's profound final advice resonates: "Don't let fear rule you. Fear of success is just as damaging as fear of rejection—both keep you standing still."

This heartfelt conversation will inspire anyone questioning their path, inviting listeners to consider how they might already be living their purpose without realizing it. Tune in to "What Makes Us" and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

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Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

Ever wondered about the difference between change and transformation? While change is external, transformation is a profound internal shift that redefines who you are. Mastering it can unlock the life you truly desire.

Leadership coach Preethi Subramanian, who transitioned from chartered accountant to IT security professional to leadership coach, and moved between India, Switzerland, and Singapore, discovered that transformation isn't an event, but a culmination of consciously navigated transitions.

Preethi's powerful framework helps maintain direction during life's "messy middle" moments. Her internal compass uses purpose-aligned questions: Why make this change? How does it honor your values? Where does it lead in relation to your vision? When is the right timing? This keeps you grounded even when the path is unclear.

A key insight is the growth-versus-security dilemma. Prioritizing growth, expanding capabilities and perspectives, ultimately yields greater rewards than clinging to comfort. This aligns with Maslow's hierarchy: self-actualization happens when you venture beyond your comfort zone.

The ultimate reward is freedom of choice—the power to create a life aligned with your deepest values. This freedom is transformation's greatest gift.

Ready to transform your life? Growth awaits, and your next breakthrough might be just one conscious transition away.

Connect with Preethi: preethi@masterscollectiveservices.com or on LinkedIn

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Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

Feeling a persistent inner pull toward something different, even amidst external success? Join us for an insightful conversation with Executive Leadership Coach Gusti Clark about the power of personal and professional evolution.

Gusti's seemingly diverse career in nonprofit, tech, HR, biotech, government, and entrepreneurship reveals a purposeful journey guided by intuition and a mission to help others navigate major life transitions. "I've come to realize that all those things together have actually been connected," she explains, "I was evolving in what I was doing the whole time."

Notably, Gusti bravely followed internal nudges for growth, even when uncomfortable. She describes reaching conventional success in her dream job yet feeling unfulfilled. "I'm capable of so much more," she thought. "I didn't know what, but I knew I had more to give." This vulnerability opens a key discussion about defining success through alignment, not just achievement.

For those considering their own evolution, Gusti offers three practical tips: reframe challenges, process emotions creatively, and remember that change happens—you choose whether to shape it. Importantly, she reminds us: "No matter your job or where you work, you're still a person before and after that.

Ready to explore your own evolution? Listen to this episode, then connect with Gusti Clark to learn about her upcoming book, "No One is Coming to Save You: How to Find Source Within."

Want to know more about Gusti Clark - https://linktr.ee/gusticlark

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Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

In this episode of What Makes Us..., Dr. Alvin Sturdivant, Vice President of Student Affairs and Inclusive Excellence at the University of Portland, guides a profound exploration into the evolving journey of meaning-making, rooted in our connections to family, faith, community, and history. He recounts how his grandmother instilled an early understanding of self-defined purpose, a foundation strengthened by his Pentecostal spirituality, providing enduring resilience.

Dr. Sturdivant emphasizes the interconnectedness of this search, highlighting how we build upon the legacies of past generations, transforming meaning-making from an individual pursuit to a shared endeavor relevant to today's challenges. His insights extend to the power of bridging divides, illustrating how meaningful relationships can blossom from open-mindedness. Offering valuable guidance for educators, parents, and community leaders, he underscores the importance of cultivating critical thinking and exposure to diverse perspectives in young people, empowering them to navigate an increasingly complex world and forge their own authentic meaning.

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Support the show

Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

What does real friendship look like in today's world? Not the sitcom version where everyone lives in the same apartment building, but the authentic connections that sustain us through distance, life changes, and the passage of time.

In this deeply personal conversation, I sit down with my friend Annie to explore our decade-long friendship journey and what it reveals about human connection. From our first meeting in graduate school (where Annie found my "likability annoying") to navigating friendship across continents, we unpack how authentic relationships evolve and endure.

We examine the "Summer of Sangria" – when I made different sangria recipes weekly and hand-delivered them to friends throughout Seattle – as a case study in community-building. This seemingly simple act created meaningful connection in busy adult lives, culminating in a final gathering where everyone celebrated their favorites.

The conversation tackles head-on the challenges of modern friendship: the loneliness epidemic despite technological connection, the barriers to making new friends as adults, and how social media creates illusions of closeness while often deepening isolation. We challenge the friendship myths perpetuated by shows like "Friends" and offer practical insights for nurturing real connections in a disconnected world.

Whether you're questioning your own friendship patterns or simply curious about what makes human bonds last, this episode provides both heartfelt reflection and actionable wisdom. Because in a world where we're constantly "connected," true friendship might be our most undervalued relationship.

What friendship myths have you believed? Join the conversation and share your experiences with authentic connection in today's world.

Let us know what you think of the episode!

Support the show

Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net