What Makes Us...

What if masculinity isn’t innate—but taught? And what happens when we start to unlearn it?

In this episode, we sit down with TJ—a queer, trans, Middle Eastern-Armenian man and recovering academic—to explore how masculinity is shaped by culture, race, faith, and family. From drag king stages to circles of men of color who welcomed him without question, TJ shares how rare affirmations helped him understand his identity.

We trace these moments to broader systems: patriarchy as a colonial export, whiteness as the default for “acceptable” masculinity, and media narratives that shame Black culture while excusing white-coded genres. Our conversation spans Vermont, Chicago, and India’s vibrant streets, where trans women offer blessings and male friendships include hand-holding without stigma.

We wrestle with anger, pacifism, and fatherhood’s quiet fears. TJ reflects on why rejecting the label “man” once felt safer—and how embracing it became a way to challenge the link between masculinity and violence. We also talk faith: a Quaker lens that centers human light, and an atheist ethic that grounds goodness without divine reward.

This isn’t a checklist for being a man—it’s a practice. Affirm without policing. Unlearn whiteness as the norm. Make space for male intimacy beyond sex or aggression. Honor trans wisdom that expands the path for all.

If masculinity is taught, it can be retaught—toward care, consent, and connection.

🎧 Subscribe, share with someone who’ll push the conversation, and leave a review with one thing you’re unlearning about manhood. What part of the script would you rewrite?

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Support the show

Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

What happens when we approach life with genuine curiosity? How might our lives transform if we questioned not just the world around us, but our own deepest assumptions about who we are?

Anupama Giri joins host Brian Hooks for a profound exploration of curiosity as a fundamental life force. Drawing from her childhood in Varanasi (one of the world's most ancient cities) where she witnessed life and death ceremonies happening side by side, she shares how early questions about existence shaped her approach to living fully.

"Without curiosity, there is no learning," Anupama observes, revealing how this quality connects to courage, hope, and even our neurological development. The conversation weaves through fascinating territory—from the challenges of learning to swim as an adult to why professional titles often become limitations rather than launchpads for growth. Perhaps most compelling is their discussion about the top regrets of the dying, with the number one regret being not trying rather than failing.

In an age where information overload has many taking things at face value rather than questioning deeply, this conversation offers a refreshing counterpoint. Brian and Anupama suggest that curiosity isn't just an intellectual exercise but a practice that opens doors to authenticity and fulfillment. Their exchange culminates in a powerful reimagining of an old adage—perhaps curiosity didn't kill the cat after all, but helped it find the milk.

Whether you're feeling stuck in your career, wondering about your purpose beyond professional achievement, or simply seeking to recapture the natural curiosity we all possessed as children, this episode offers gentle guidance and profound insights. As Anupama puts it: "Be curious, and you never know where you will land."

Want to connect with Anupama Giri? Check out her LinkedIn page at linkedin.com/in/anupama-giri-a24b1116

Let us know what you think of the episode!

Support the show

Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net

Ten episodes in, and What Makes Us has blossomed into a tapestry of human experiences I never could have imagined when starting this journey. This special reflection episode breaks from our usual format to explore what I've learned from conversations with people who've shaped my life in various ways.

The podcast began as a way to reconnect with what I loved most about my years in higher education – witnessing growth through stories. After leaving that world and moving to Bangalore, I missed being part of people's developmental journeys. What Makes Us became my way to continue that work while exploring the fundamental question of how we develop through our connections with others, groups, and society at large.

Each conversation has revealed something profound about the human experience. From Dr. Joy Hoffman's perspective-shifting moment about Columbine to the powerful vulnerability shown by my mother discussing her search for purpose through service, these stories create what I call "Brian's web" – a network of shared experiences seen through different lenses. The growth mindset emerges as a consistent thread throughout all episodes, with guests demonstrating how perceiving challenges as opportunities rather than obstacles creates forward momentum in life.

What inspires me most is watching people follow their intuition, step outside comfort zones, and embrace their authentic journeys. As we celebrate reaching 500 downloads and set our sights on 1,000, I'm excited to expand this web of connections with new voices and perspectives. The ultimate goal remains empowerment – helping you walk away from each episode feeling positive about where you are while recognizing the potential of where you might go. After all, we're all searching for what makes us who we are, and we learn best by doing it together.

Let us know what you think of the episode!

Support the show

Thank you for listening to What Makes Us... Make sure to like us or subscribe to the podcast. If you really like us, please send our podcast to at least 1 friend who you think would enjoy it or show your support by sponsoring us!

If you would like to connect to the host (Brian Hooks), please reach out to bchcoaching@gmail.com or check out or website at www.bchcoaching.net