In this episode, we talk about how vulnerable it can feel to name a need, the weight of perceived pushback, and how quickly it can spiral. We dig into what we call the nag paradox—that toxic loop of asking, resisting, escalating, and shutting down—and how it traps so many of us in a cycle of sacrifice, resentment, and disconnection.

Mentioned:

Wages For Housework by Emily Callaci

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A listener sent us a video that hit a nerve: a husband asks his overwhelmed wife how he can help, then resists the very thing she asks for. In this episode, we unpack what’s really going on in moments like these. We talk about the emotional weight of asking for help, the nuances of saying no, and what it costs when a partner responds with resistance(even subtly). Emotional labor, the mental load, relationship dynamics, viral couples videos... it's all here!

Mentioned in this episode:

Rage Becomes Her

Wages For Housework

No More Mediocre

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If you or someone you know needs support: The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 800-799-7233

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This week, we look at a viral influencer’s take on why men don’t step up at home. He's just one of many creators who exist in the genre of “relationship advice” whose content insidiously blames women for their partner’s lack of initiative. Apparently, the problem with a lack of effort isn't... the lack of effort... It's that you must be smothering his divine masculine spark.

Mentioned in this episode:

Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly

BoyMom by Ruth Whippman

Erased by Anna Malaika Tubbs

The Future Is Disabled by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna Samarasinha

Care Work by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna Samarasinha

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This week Crystal and Laura discuss the challenges of care work, societal expectations of default partners, and the internet's attempts at poking fun at these dynamics. Spoiler alert: we don't think it's funny. We analyze a viral video that pokes fun at a woman managing her family's needs while being late, highlighting the unfairness of couples comedy posts. Instead of trying to punch down, shouldn't we be trying to emphasize the importance of recognizing the value of care work, questioning societal norms, and teaching children about responsibility and empathy?

Mentioned in This Episode:

Our Home by Lori Sugarman-Li, a childrens book on domestic equity!

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In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss planning ahead when one partner takes on a new task--should you make contingency plans just in case they mess it up?

Mentioned in This Episode:

Fight Right by the Gottmans

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In this episode, Laura and Crystal discuss a clip from the popular Showtime show, “Couples Therapy,” where a pair of clients discuss incompetence, ability, and blame.

Disclaimer:

Time to Lean is an educational and conversational podcast intended for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views expressed by the hosts and guests are their own and do not constitute therapeutic advice, clinical guidance, or a substitute for professional mental health care. While we speak from lived experience and professional backgrounds, we’re not your therapists—and this podcast is not therapy.

Please consult a qualified mental health provider if you’re experiencing distress or need individualized support. And remember: systemic change takes all of us, but you don’t have to do it all alone.

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In this episode, Crystal and Laura discuss the importance of positive language in gardening, the joy of birding through apps, and the impact of social media on relationship dynamics. The conversation delves into parenting roles, cultural narratives, and the normalization of toxic behaviors in relationships, ultimately calling for a rethinking of feminist perspectives and deeper discussions about relationship expectations.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Filterworld: How Algorithms Flattened Culture by Kyle Chakya

Bird Watching App!

Nature Identifying App!

Kin: The Future of Family by Sophie Lucido Johnson

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This week, Crystal presents a new study that claims handling home life well can boost your work performance. We dig into what’s really being said(and what’s not), why the framing matters, and how corporate culture keeps co-opting care.

In this episode:

How you handle your home life can boost work performance, shows new study: https://www.bath.ac.uk/announcements/how-you-handle-your-home-life-can-boost-work-performance-shows-new-study/

Pillars of White Supremacy

Bullshit Jobs by David Graeber

When You Care by Elissa Strauss

📖 Preorder No More Mediocre by Laura Danger and get a bonus High Impact Tasks resource!

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