This week, Laura and Crystal unravel the messy, misunderstood concept of nagging—and spoiler alert, it’s not just a "you problem." We’re diving headfirst into the nag paradox, that familiar dynamic where one partner becomes the designated project manager of the household… and the other somehow forgets how time works.

From cringey comic strip tropes (hello, bathrobe lady with the slipper) to the emotional weight of carrying the mental load, we break down why nagging isn’t about being “overbearing”—it’s often a desperate bid to feel seen, heard, and understood in a system that undervalues care work.

We explore how this pattern plays out in everyday moments, like who’s picking up the kids, and how resentment builds when you’re forced to either ask for help perfectly or just do it yourself. We also talk about how neurodivergence, gender roles, and unspoken emotional labor all collide to make this a setup for burnout—and sometimes, abuse.

Plus:

• How to spot the difference between weaponized incompetence and skill gaps
• What emotional safety in conflict really looks like
• Why “division of labor” doesn’t always equal equity
• When it’s okay to say, “this is enough” and walk away

Whether you’ve felt like the “default parent,” are trying to unlearn your own baggage, or are questioning how to rebalance your relationship, this episode is your big, validating exhale.

🛠️ Resources Mentioned:

• Fresh Starts Registry – for imagining and building what your new beginning could look like
• Our Substack: timetoleanpod.substack.com
• No More Mediocre by Laura Danger

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This week on Time to Lean, Crystal and Laura sit down with author, essayist, and unapologetic truth-teller Jessica Slice to discuss her powerful new book Unfit Parent. Jessica shares the backstory behind her debut, how she went from social work student to published author, and what it means to parent while disabled in a world that barely recognizes disabled parents exist—let alone values them.

We talk about the nuance of documenting disability, the grief of letting go of who you thought you'd be, and the unexpected creativity that disability invites into parenting.

If you've ever felt like you're faking it as a parent—or if you’re carrying a body or mind that doesn’t always “perform”—this one’s for you.

Order Jessica’s book, “Unfit Parent” below

Bookshop.org

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In this conversation, Laura and Crystal explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on the emotional labor and expectations that arise when one partner makes significant decisions, such as donating a kidney. They discuss the importance of communication, the impact of caregiving, and the need for self-awareness in navigating these dynamics. The conversation emphasizes the necessity of considering each other's needs and the collective responsibility in relationships, while also highlighting the role of therapy and community support in fostering healthier interactions.

• Weaponized Incompetence & Emotional Labor
• How “I’m not asking you to do anything” becomes emotional gaslighting when you're still left holding the bag.
• 📝 See: Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
• 📝 Also see: “The Gender Gap in Caregiving” - Pew Research Center
• Care Work & Systemic Invisibility
• The gendered, unpaid, and expected nature of domestic caregiving and how society rewards male hyper-individualism but punishes communal care.
• 📚 bell hooks, All About Love
• 📚 Silvia Federici, Revolution at Point Zero

This show exists thanks to our amazing community. Subscribing to our Time to Lean Substack helps us keep this work going. We’ve moved off Patreon, so come hang with us there for bonus content, live chats, and more systemic breakdowns served with a side of memes and rage.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.