What I created, moved through, and survived—and why none of it was for nothing.

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we reflect on the year not through milestones or achievements, but through what was metabolized—emotionally, psychologically, and neurologically. Recorded during that tender in-between stretch as Hanukkah comes to a close and the holidays begin, this conversation explores what it actually means to say "nothing in life is ever wasted"—not as a platitude, but as neuroscience.

Inspired by a recent conversation with peers, this episode looks at how even the years that feel messy, unresolved, or painful don't disappear. They integrate. Through personal storytelling and psychology-backed insight, we unpack how the nervous system records experience, how meaning forms after survival, and how reflection changes not just how we remember the past—but how we carry it forward.

This episode is for anyone ending the year feeling changed, but not finished. For anyone who survived something quietly. And for anyone who wants to honor what they created, moved through, and survived—without forcing closure.

• Why experiences don't vanish psychologically—they either integrate or repeat

• Hebb's Law ("neurons that fire together wire together") and how emotional patterns form

• The role of the amygdala and hippocampus in emotional memory and heartbreak

• Polyvagal Theory and why the body often senses loss before the mind does

• Anticipatory grief and the nervous system's early warning system

• Attachment theory and why honesty in relationships can feel neurologically threatening

• Self-determination theory and autonomy as a core psychological need

• Why survival mode still counts—and why meaning doesn't always arrive in real time

• Viktor Frankl and the difference between performing meaning and integrating it

• Post-traumatic growth and how reflection reshapes experience

• Expressive writing research and why turning pain into language is regulating

• Memory reconsolidation and how reflection changes emotional memory

• Narrative identity and the stories we tell ourselves about our lives

• Distress tolerance, restraint, and emotional maturity

• Emotional complexity: holding grief and gratitude at the same time

• Integration vs. closure—and why the goal isn't "moving on," but moving forward intact

• Hebb's Law & Neural Wiring (experience shaping the brain)

• Emotional Memory: Amygdala & Hippocampus

• Polyvagal Theory (Porges; nervous system safety & threat detection)

• Anticipatory Grief (pre-loss nervous system processing)

• Attachment Theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth; relational threat & needs)

• Self-Determination Theory (autonomy, alignment, psychological health)

• Viktor Frankl & Meaning-Making After Suffering

• Post-Traumatic Growth (Tedeschi & Calhoun)

• Expressive Writing Research (Pennebaker)

• Memory Reconsolidation (Nader; remembering as rewriting)

• Narrative Identity (McAdams; identity as story)

• Distress Tolerance (DBT; emotional regulation without self-abandonment)

• Emotional Complexity & Psychological Resilience

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In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about the quiet, internal moment when your relationship worldview widens—not because you've suddenly changed who you are, but because you've finally grown into someone who can hold more nuance. From matching with a trans man on a dating app to noticing how your thirties shift your sense of "never" and "always," we explore what happens when the lens you've used to understand love moves from portrait mode to landscape.

Through personal storytelling and psychology-backed insight, we unpack how evolving relationship structures, therapy culture, technology, and simple lived experience stretch the edges of what feels possible. We talk about why curiosity doesn't threaten your identity, how exposure softens rigidity, and what it means to move from inherited scripts to consciously chosen beliefs. Plus, a little life update on launching Substack and returning to writing as another space to process all of this in real time.

In this episode, we cover:

• The "soft clicks": tiny, ordinary moments that reveal big internal shifts

• How your thirties change your brain, your identity, and your tolerance for nuance

• Matching with a trans man on a dating app and what that pause of curiosity actually meant

• The difference between expanding your worldview and changing your orientation or desires

• Moving from black-and-white thinking to "Does this feel aligned for me?"

• Differentiation: becoming your own person outside of family, culture, and inherited rules

• How therapy language (attachment, boundaries, nervous system) reshapes relationship expectations

• The role of dating apps in norm-shifting and repeated exposure to diverse identities and structures

• Why monogamy isn't disappearing—just becoming a conscious choice instead of a default

• Psychological flexibility: holding more options in mind without feeling destabilized

• The emotional exhaustion of performing timelines that were never really yours

• Designing relationships that fit your nervous system, not just your résumé

• Curiosity vs. participation: understanding something without needing to live it

• How growing older is less about certainty and more about internal spaciousness

Reflection Question of the Week:

Where in your life are you being invited to loosen an old belief—not to change who you are, but to see who you've become?

Resources Mentioned:

• Differentiation and Family Systems Theory (Bowen; self vs. system)

• Post-Formal Thought & Integrative Complexity (adult cognitive development and nuance)

• Schema Theory & Accommodation (Piaget; updating internal narratives)

• Psychological Flexibility (Hayes; Acceptance & Commitment Therapy)

• Mere Exposure Effect & Norm-Shifting Through Contact (Zajonc; familiarity reducing threat)

• Attachment Theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth; internal working models in relationships)

• Polyvagal-Informed Ideas of Safety & Regulation (Porges; nervous system and connection)

• Therapy Culture & Relational Self-Awareness (contemporary psychology and modern love)

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As always: if you're enjoying the show, please take a moment to follow, rate, and subscribe — it truly helps us grow and reach more listeners.