The Invisible Plus-One: On Feeling Unchosen, Unheard, and Out of Body

In this episode of The Wrong Ones, we talk about what happens when life presses on every old bruise you thought had healed—all while you’re supposed to be on vacation. We explore what it feels like to be the only single person in a group of couples, how invisibility shows up in adulthood, and why sometimes healing feels less like progress and more like observation.

Through stories from a trip to Mexico City, we unpack the psychology of belonging, the neuroscience of self-worth, and the subtle art of staying visible in your own life. Because sometimes growth isn’t loud or glamorous—it’s catching yourself mid-spiral and choosing to stay.

In this episode, we cover:

• Dyadic power theory and why couples hold more social weight in groups

• The difference between exclusion and perceived exclusion (and how both hurt the same)

• The neuroscience of invisibility and social pain (anterior cingulate cortex activation)

• Self-silencing: how being “easygoing” can quietly erase you

• Contingent self-esteem and the loop between validation and worth

• Attachment systems and intermittent reinforcement: why being “chosen” feels like survival

• Depersonalization and disembodiment: the psychology of feeling outside your body

• Emotional self-efficacy and learning to regulate your own nervous system

• The loss of play in adulthood and how joy rewires emotional regulation

• How to stop confusing self-analysis with self-acceptance

• Becoming your own plus-one

Reflection Question of the Week:

When was the last time you felt outside of yourself — and what would it take to come home again?

Resources Mentioned:

• Dyadic Power Theory (social psychology of relational dominance)

• Contingent Self-Esteem (Deci & Ryan; self-determination theory)

• Self-Silencing Scale (Dana Jack; gender & relational schemas)

• Mirror Neuron System and co-regulation (interpersonal neurobiology)

• Depersonalization research (dissociation and self-observation)

• Stuart Brown, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul

• Emotional Self-Efficacy (Bandura, 1997)

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