Dr. Curt Thompson has a saying "Pay attention to what you pay attention to." We discuss, in this episode, how it may look like we are doing one thing while our mind is somewhere completely different. We want to pay attention to what may be running in the background and having an impact on our relationships, behavior and ability to connect with God. We want to encourage our listeners to join us in having an aggressive curiosity to our thought life. Living on "autopilot" is a common theme for many of us but it leads to feeling numb, stuck and unable to connect well with others.

In this episode Emily engages Todd's story from his childhood where a simple moment of being missed has had lifelong effects which can be healed.

Loyalty structures are patterns that develop in childhood as a means for staying in good favor with our families of origin as well as peer groups. These structures are often very influential in how we show up in the world and they usually include aspects of our glory. However, when undetected, they wreak havoc in our adult lives as we still operate according to their design. In this episode we unpack the concept of loyalty structures and how identifying them in our lives begins the process of healing from their grasp.

Suffering can move us toward God or it can move us away from him; consequently away from being fully human and alive. In the wake of a collective tragedy we discuss how to love your community by understanding the ways we often avoid the pain of suffering.

In this episode we engage Shelly's story in our studio. Shelly, who has gone through the Allender Center's Narrative Focused Trauma Care levels one and two, brings a story from fourth grade which has had life long implications.

Gaslighting was Merriam-Webster's word of the year in 2022. Why did it make such a big splash? In this episode we explore this concept, its roots, but also the fact that we need language for what is happening to us.

In this episode we take a look at the idea that we have various parts that make up who we are. Traditionally theologians speak of Christians having the flesh and spirit, which is true. However, we know that we are never in this life simply one or the other. When we are able to see how many of our unwanted behaviors are actually parts of us rooted in early traumas, we can move toward healing in way that is based on grace and avoid of the traditional uses of shame and self contempt.

So often in conflicts we would just love to hear the words, "I am sorry." However, as great as this is, it really serves as only the beginning of restoration. While not every conflict needs much more than these words to heal, many do.

We find that often these words are aimed to deflect attention from the real issue rather then transition to healing the rupture. In this episode we discuss how the words "I am sorry" are the gateway to further repair rather than simply being an end of the matter.