Emily continues her conversation with author and podcaster Melanie Shankle to talk about her memoir Here Be Dragons and the surprising metaphor that helped her finally see boundaries clearly: her dog’s leg amputation. The loss was painful, but it also removed the source of constant suffering and made room for real freedom. That same question hangs over so many of our lives: what are we still tolerating that keeps us limping?

From there we go into deeper themes of Christian healing. We also name one of the most hidden wounds in the mother-daughter relationship: envy. Melanie shares what it’s like to realize a parent resents your contentment, your marriage, and why naming envy isn’t arrogance.

We connect our personal story to the biblical account of Numbers 13, where Joshua and Caleb believe God’s promises and refuse to join the fear story even when the crowd turns on them. If you’re trying to break generational trauma, you’ll recognize the pressure to stay quiet, keep the peace, and return to “the way it’s always been.” We talk about parenting without turning kids into emotional caregivers and doing story work that brings truth into the light.

If you’re navigating boundaries, no contact, family dysfunction, or the long road to spiritual and emotional health, this conversation offers language and courage.

Books that have inspired Melanie that she mentioned at the end of the episode: She loves all the books written by these authors!

John Mark Comer: Live No Lies

Ann Lamont: Traveling Mercies

Tina Fey: Bossypants

Mindy Kaling: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

Kelly Corrigan: The Middle Place

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Some family pain doesn’t look dramatic from the outside, which is exactly why it can trap you for decades. Emily sits down with three-time New York Times bestselling author Melanie Shankle to talk about her book "Here Be Dragons."

We talk about how helping a daughter navigate mean girls uncovered a deeper story of generational trauma, people pleasing, and the old parental scripts that still play in your head. Melanie shares what it took to overcome gaslighting messages like “you’re being dramatic” and why writing her story forced her to move from a detached retelling into emotional honesty. Along the way, we explore how God’s steadfast love can meet us in the places we most want to avoid.

We also get practical about healing and boundaries within Christian community. What do you do when church culture misunderstands your boundaries and pressures you to minimize your needs. Melanie speaks to the real issues that arise when outsiders only know the charming version of a parent. Melanie offers thoughtful guidance on discernment, prayer, and trusting your instincts.

If you care about being a more empathetic friend to people like Melanie, have difficult family systems yourself, want to understand emotional abuse, and desire to hold the nuance of what honoring a parent can truly mean, this conversation will give you language and clarity! Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more listeners can find the show.

Resources: Melanie Shankle's book: Here Be Dragons, Anne Lamott's book: Bird by Bird... and more to come in the second part of the interview next episode!

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Resistance is something we all feel at times. We know growth is good, we know story work matters, and yet we'd rather stay in “get things done” mode rather than feel what’s tender. We lean into that tension of a nervous system that doesn’t want to shift gears. When we lack flexibility, we get stuck in one state of being and even small endeavors like journaling can feel costly.

We talk through the importance of integration: having access to many inner states and choosing what fits the moment. That leads to simple practices like a one minute transition pause, noticing ambivalence and honest naming. This is real strength: separating feelings from identity so we can stay present and wise.

We go deeper into sexual trauma and the complexity of ambivalence, including how grooming and abuse can create a confusing mix of harm and bodily response. We’re careful here: naming complexity never excuses abuse. But what goes unnamed keeps power, and bringing the whole truth into the light is often part of reclaiming what was buried and moving toward healing.

We close by widening the lens to our polarized world and to Christian discipleship: learning to listen, hold nuance, and become more fully human in relationship with others.

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