Hey, hey, hey and welcome to Self Published Episode 9. I’m Aziza Kibibi and in this episode we are going to talk about the birds and the bees. Yes, yes y’all. We will be discussing the very thing that drives human kind. The very thing that leads to the creation of each and every one of us. The very thing that many just can’t seem to get enough of. Ssssex! And aside from the blog post topic being about sex and my own sexuality, you may be wondering “well Aziza, what does sex have to do with publishing a book?” And to you I will answer this…

When it comes to making and marketing a product, the old adage is that sex sells. But often people take that way too literally. Sure seeing rippled six pack abs, glistening smooth skin or an ample bosom is eye catching, but often sex in imagery can be very subtle. So subtle in fact we may not even realize that is the reason why we are drawn to an ad, thumbnail, post or even a person at first. 

Since the topic of my memoir Unashamed a life tainted addresses sexual deviance and trauma, I had a lot to consider when designing my book cover, (as I spoke about in episode 4), as well as marketing my book and even my public persona. But the thing with me is that I am proud of and I absolutely love…. me! And that include the parts of me that many may not find to their liking….or actually maybe too much to their liking which in turn makes them uncomfortable with there thoughts because…anyway, let me refocus before I get lost down that rabbit hole. My point is you can’t please everyone. And this episode is about learning how to please yourself and then acclimating your audience into your world. So without further ado, thank you for allowing me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind with…

January 18, 2014

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES

One of the most challenging aspects of recovery for a survivor of sexual exploitation, is one’s perspective of sex I went through many stages in my sexual growth and it's safe to say I continue to go through them. As a little girl I was confused between the sensations I was feeling, if what was happening to me was right or wrong, fear, and the stress on my body. I have children and I know sexual exploration is a part of growing up, but to have it forced on you is traumatizing to say the least.

By the time I reached puberty my father had pushed my body to the point that my physical senses were numb and my mentality was that him raping me was another one of my household chores. If I wanted to avoid being choked or punched while he had intercourse with me, it was best that I didn't fight. 

I went from a little girl who's innocence and love for her father was used against her, to a teenager who's will had been broken to the point that she fit perfectly into the role created for her; to a grown woman with little identity of her own; sexual or otherwise. So what now?

At twenty five years old I'd already been having sex most of my life; but I'd never had an orgasm, I didn't see sex as something that was suppose to be pleasurable for a woman, and I'd been trained to please one person. 

When I was with my first, outside of my dad, I really wanted to express how I felt about him physically. We talked on the phone, spent time together and I told him what happened to me. I trusted him and when we kissed for the first time (one of the many things I hated doing with my father) my body ignited with sensations that I didn't know was possible. I wanted him, and I wanted him bad! But when the day finally came, it was a disaster. 

As soon as I felt his penis, seventeen years of sexual abuse came flooding back. I didn't break down, I didn't bolt and I didn't refuse; I reverted back to the trained obedient little girl I grew up as,...

What contributed to the stress I was under when I wrote S.O.S, is that many friends and suitors recently fell by the wayside. That is until they saw me on television.

Intro :

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome, welcome, welcome. I’m Aziza Kibibi and this is Self Published episode 8. 

It doesn't matter how successful you are, no one reaches that success without the help of someone else. 

I’ve been called an overachiever, hyper-ambitious, a know it all, a do it all…everything that you could label someone who has the passion and drive to achieve many goals and achieve them. This may all sound great but the truth is, its a lot of fricken pressure. When people know you through your successes and you have a reputation that you break through steel walls to get shit done, it piles on a lot of pressure. You find yourself in a spotlight that while it brings attention to your successes, it can also expose your failures. So when you’re struggling, you are afraid that asking for help may make you seem week or incapable. 

I’ve struggled with this throughout my life and this blog I’m going to share with you talks more about how difficult that struggle really can be. So enough with the intro, thank you for allowing me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind with this next….

December 28, 2013

S.O.S.

I'm not sure if I should be blogging while I'm in this state of mind, but I'm going to anyway.

I'm not usually one to pity myself; shit happens basically. I've had children looking up to me all my life. First my siblings; they depended on me to entertain them for the hours our parents weren't home, to figure out what to eat when I wasn't old enough to use the stove; to keep them focused when we had to do our homework and stop whichever baby from crying when our mother wasn't around to breastfeed. When I had my own children I had to do some of the same things, but on top of that be a better example of a mother than what my own was. And that included protecting my daughters from my father. 

My father favored my children which also created animosity amongst everyone else. There were so many psychologically confusing dynamics in our family that it's made me somewhat of a pro at dealing with stress in my life today. In addition I feel like I have to project a certain level of togetherness and strength to those around me. I can count the times on one hand that my children have seen me cry. Eighty percent of the time that I'm sick, I still go to work and school. Depression is not an option and if I feel a rut coming on I get exercising, or writing. You may ask; what is your point Aziza? And my reply is: despite the fact that I am doing very well considering what my life has been, there are times that I need help. But I have a serious problem asking for it. 

When my father came into my bedroom when I was nine, he'd tell me that telling my mother would make her go crazy and I'd never see her again. This was only one of the many lies he used to confuse his daughter to maintain control. After beating me because I tried to fight back when I was twelve, he said that my compliance gave him the strength to take care of the family. I became used to having a lot of responsibility with little assistance. There were decisions I had to make as a child that affected my entire family. And I was led to believe that if I asked for help, the result would end in someone else's peril or sacrifice. 

Today, I don't want to put anyone out of their way, or have them inconvenience themselves for me. It's natural for me to put the needs of others in front of my own, but I have to convince myself that I'm deserving of the same treatment. Which is work in itself. So If I have a problem

This bonus episode includes a raw, uncut private conversation about child sexual, psychological and physical abuse based on the author's (me, Aziza Kibibi) experience in life.

Yes, this was all part of the publishing process. 

Disclaimer : I've had my fair share of accusations and judgments sharing my story publicly and being candid and raw with the things that myself and too many others have survived. If my skin wasn't thick enough, facing comments like "you liked it" and "you deserved it you slut" from cowards hiding behind a username and ambiguous profile picture has definitely added a few more layers. This interview with Damon not only prepared me for writing my book, but it helped me in getting ready to sit on the witness stand against my father.

What you are about to listen to is a continuation of one of the frank, unedited (except for names to protect the identities of family) conversations between myself and Damon Diddit about the experience from a child's perspective being molested by their father.

Listening back I can hear the hesitation in some of my retelling because I was editing myself. As raw and unfitted as what you are listening to is, I was doing my best to save Damon unnecessary discomfort.

But I have learned through my career as an activist that you have to make people uncomfortable to bring attention to the cause. That being said, we are still processing this human experience and we are forever learning and growing.

I hope you can derive something from this podcast that adds value to your life and help you discover your voice. Let me know how it goes.

Hey, hey, hey and welcome the third bonus episode of Self Publish. I’m Aziza Kibibi and I’m an author, an activist for the protections of women and children, a media personality, a chef a mom and a survivor.

This bonus episode is a continuation from the interview with my friend Damon Diddit. I cannot stress enough the benefit of reviewing your personal experiences with the help of someone you trust, in preparation for writing a book. As I mentioned before, my books Unashamed a life tainted volume 1 and 2 took 4 years to complete the compilation of over 30 years of memories and experiences and create a literary work that would communicate a specific message in hopes that it enlighten, encourage, educate and inspire. 

This part of the conversation between Damon and I candidly explores and describes in explicit detail, topics that may be triggering to some and titillating to others. Please listen with an open mind. We are spiritual beings having a human experience and I’d like you to consider how listening in on this private conversation that was not intended to be published, makes your feel. What thoughts does it inspire? Judgments? Criticisms? Compassion? As content creators we should take our audience into consideration. Even more so now having to keep Youtube and Instagram algorithms in mind. I would be honored if you would share your experience listening to this conversation. If you are bold enough, do include your thoughts and feelings in a review on apple Podcasts or Spotify. And if you would prefer more privacy, than please email me your input to aziza@azizakibibi.com

Ok, ok, ok, now lets get into it. Thank you again for allowing me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind. Please allow me to reintroduce my friend Damon Diddit as he interviews me Aziza Kibibi back in 2012 in preparation for writing my memoir. 

Ask/Invite/Announcements

Hey you, just a quick reminder if you want to learn more about anything I share here, please I follow me on instagram and facebook and subscribe to my youtube page. Everything is Aziza Kibibi and for even more resources on abuse prevention...

In this episode I share with you my tried and true hacks on organizing and keeping track of ideas and information for your book, my experience going to school for the first time at 35 years old, and the aftermath of appearing on Katie.

Intro

Hey, hey, hey. I’m Aziza Kibibi and this is Self Published episode 7.

In this episode I’m going to share with you my tried and true hacks on organizing and keeping track of ideas and information for your book, my experience going to school for the first time at 35 years old, and the aftermath of appearing on Katie. Yes, you’ll have to learn to take the good with the bad and get very comfortable with the mindset that there is no such thing as bad publicity.

But first I’d like to make you aware that following me on instagram and facebook will give you access to more ideas and information, as well as some good old fashioned entertainment. And subscribing to my youtube channel and my website adds some cherries and whipped cream to the entire dessert that is Aziza Kibibi. Just saying lol. 

Ok, without further ado, please allow me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind with… 

December 14, 2013

THE POWER OF KNOWLEDGE

I have one more day in my fall semester at Essex County College. I'm anxious about my grade in my most challenging class; French. I also took African American History II, Biology 101 and Cinema appreciation to go towards fulfilling my communications degree. I'm thinking about things like maintaining my grade point average, and what am I going to do after I graduate. There was a time I never thought I'd have concerns like making it to class in the morning, or getting an assignment submitted on time. And here I am a full fledge college student. 

I sit in class on some days, distracted by the young adults around me sighing out loud in complaint of the Professor's homework assignment. It was frustrating for the progression of my African American history class to be hindered by students that didn't appreciate the opportunity to get an education. There we were, watching a film on the sacrifices people made to improve the quality of the educational system, and the young people watching were uninterested! I just didn't get it. If they only knew what it was like to want to go to school, and not be allowed to.

My father homeschooled me until I was 11. Before he stopped teaching me, he promised that I would go to high-school. I looked forward to the day I'd walk through school doors and sit in a classroom with other students. Well, while under my father's rule, that day never came. By the time I was 14, my dad banned education among me and my siblings all together. Any teaching I did of my brothers and sisters, I did in secret. I had to worry about my father finding worksheets I created for my sisters to practice their handwriting. I got nervous any time he walked in on them reading a book. So when I watched a film in class on Fredrick Douglass, showing him sneaking around to learn to read, I became overwhelmed with emotion. That film and any others like it themed in slavery, connects to my life growing up on so many levels. Therefore it pains me to see others take the opportunity they have to get an education for granted. 

Learning French gave me a better understanding of English. I've seen the inside of a frog up close and personal. I learned that the free school breakfast my kids eat in the morning, is thanks to a man named Heuy P. Newton; and instead of just watching a film, I can't help...

Hey, hey, hey and welcome to Self Published’s 2nd bonus episode. 

I’m Aziza Kibibi and I’d like to use this episode as an opportunity to show my appreciation. My appreciation for you dear listener, for allowing me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind. I mean seriously, there are a lot of podcasts to listen to, television shows to watch, films to enjoy, books to read and you my love, have taken time out of your day to listen to me sharing my shameless journey to becoming a self made author.

I’d also like to share my appreciation for Mark Asquath and the Captivate team for being so supportive and encouraging throughout the process of me creating and publishing this podcast. Captivate is the company where my podcast is hosted. I’d like to share sentiments of appreciation for my offspring/cohabitants for being quiet during the 4 hours I’m locked in my room recording. And though it’s often far and in between, I’m especially appreciative for the moments when my neighbors upstairs take a break from their forever project of trying to crash through my ceiling which happens to also be their floor. I really appreciate that.

I appreciate my mic, my mixer, my computer and all the tools that I’ve been blessed to be able to purchase to produce this podcast. And I’m especially appreciative to my job and my other businesses that help fund this podcast.

But what is appreciation exactly? According to the Merriam- Webster dictionary the definition of appreciation is….a feeling or expression of admiration, approval or gratitude; Judgement, evaluation. 

But like many other words in the English language, the word appreciation could mean something different depending on who you talk to.

For me, appreciation is the conscious acknowledgment of the contribution that someone or something has made to your life. And this conscious acknowledgment comes with a feeling, a vibe that then inspires you to manifest or express to the source of that contribution the feeling you feel, hence showing your appreciation. 

Unfortunately this apparently doesn’t come easy to everyone. I’m not sure if it’s because people aren’t appreciative or they don’t feel it necessary to show appreciation. But I truly believe that if more people showed others their appreciation of them, there would be less sadness in the world. Let’s face it. No one is on an island alone. And if anyone who is, hello, they didn’t get their by themselves.

Before I continue, lets get into a blogpost I wrote December 09, 2013.

It’s called, 

I look forward to the holiday season. I love to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and I revel in the smiles that come after someone opens a gift I gave them for Christmas. 

My father stopped us from celebrating holidays some time ago. I don't even remember exactly when, but I remember controversy between my dad and my mom's family surrounding Christmas,

Easter and Kwanzaa every year. When my aunts tried to give me and my siblings Easter baskets, he didn't allow us to except them because he said they purchased them after Easter, when the baskets went on sale. Sometimes I was allowed to keep the toys my extended family gave me for Christmas; that is until my father threw them away before spring the next year. 

Well, now that I have my own family, I make sure I make up for lost time. 

My first Christmas after I got my children back from foster care, was especially memorable. I couldn't afford a Christmas tree so I bought a spiral "tree" made up of lights from the supermarket.

I spent most of December that year checking the newspaper for community programs that were giving away presents to low income families. I made my way around to four different organization collecting wrapped boxes that said 'boy' or 'girl' so I could make the small space under our vertical light display overflow with boxes with...

Mini Bonus episode update. 

Hey you. I’m Aziza Kibibi and its my shameless journey of being a self made author that I’m so grateful you listen to on my podcast Self Published. Its been a hectic year but we are all pushing through. I have an update to my posting schedule I want to share starting with new episodes will be available on Wednesdays. Also, I’ll be posting episodes biweekly instead of weekly.

One thing I’ve learned as an entrepreneur and content creator, is that very often, quality is more important than quantity. I want to allow myself time to bring you well thought out and produced podcast episodes and I simply cant do that rushing. So, while there will be less episodes in each month, you’ll still be getting the complete season plus bonus episodes! Yay!

In addition, please take a listen to a podcast I was a guest on called Speaking of Crime. It’s a true crime podcast that analyzes different types of crime. They also share resources to crime victims. My interview with Jeff, Jia and John was a powerful experience. Make sure you check it out. 

Again, thank you for your support and allowing me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind. 

Until next time. 

Be blessed for you are a blessing. 

Speaking of Crime: Featuring Aziza Kibibi- From Victim to Survivor Part 1

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1ZE908YWIgTdj1unRuYhTX?si=MvANeikNS9WL-yLQ0WKURQ

Speaking of Crime: Featuring Aziza Kibibi- From Victim to Survivor Part 2

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2DxmKwdlzb8gSZrwaMXOcA?si=k5Jyb0kvQVSMucvy_-9Hng

Resources and Offers

Sex abuse prevention and recovery: https://preciouslittleladies.org

Click here If you'd like to start your own podcast.

Get your self-published book in Barns and Nobles, on Amazon and make it available to other retailers with these self publishing packages

Use code CARESSMYEARDRUMS at https://store.bookbaby.com/book/unashamed1 for 11% off your purchase of Unashamed: a life tainted vol 1 & 2

Music by Yomoti via Epidemic Sounds.

Hey, hey, hey. And Welcome, welcome, welcome back to another episode of self published. I’m Aziza Kibibi and I would like to humbly thank you for allowing me to caress your eardrums and penetrate your mind.

It’s not easy being your own boss. When you have a “superior” there are often consequences for slacking and not getting the job done; theres someone who holds you accountable. A certain amount of discipline is forced out of you because there is somebody to answer to. But, when you are your own boss, the only person to answer to is you. And between being your own worst enemy and your most favorite person; well, if you could conjure an image of what coming and going at the same time looks like, it just may just manifest as standing still. The ability to effectively motivate oneself can be as elusive as your shadow on a cloudy day. 

And then throw in life events and friends and family who may not necessarily support you (of course I have some homegrown, fresh brewed tea to share on that later in the show)…we haven’t added the haters and competitors onto the list. It very often feels like you have more reasons to not achieve your goals than you have achieve them. 

But you know what, it is not impossible, just stay th… you know what? Lets get into this blog post before I start preaching.

September 5th, 2013

I HAVE A DREAM

August 26, 2013 marked the 50th anniversary of the the day that Martin Luther King and 250,000 Americans, marched on Washington DC for jobs and freedom. Unfortunately do to my limited education, I didn't know much about the original event in 1963. I remember my father repeatedly playing a vinyl record of Dr. Martin Luther King's speech on Lincoln Memorial when I was little. But at that time the significance wasn't explained to me. So prompted by a trip already planned by a friend, I decided to join him and the other anticipated 300,000 people, to see what the historic event was about.

At 4:30 in the morning, myself and 3 others drove almost 5 hours to Washington DC to participate in the reenactment of a peaceful protest headed by one of America's most influential leaders, fifty years ago. My friend brought a painting he created himself titled "I am a Man", to make his own statement among a crowd of many. He received a lot of attention. People took pictures, requested interviews; he even gave a live interview to Fox5 news, as I stood and soaked it all in.

I tried to imagine the strength that it took Dr. MLK to rally and inspire hundreds of thousands of people in an attempt to cause change in a society where African Americans were severely discriminated against. Was his dream so strong that he ignored all the risk and dangers associated with trying to bring it to reality? Was he initially alone in his plan to act? If so what about him personally inspired strength in others to do what he did and speak out for their cause? What about Mr. King made people follow and listen to his ideas enough to get up and out of their homes and put themselves out there? As I pondered these questions I began to feel alone in my own quest for change.

See, my sisters, along with one of my brother's do not want to be associated with anything that I do to raise awareness for child sexual abuse, if it includes my life with my dad. I posted the link to the interview I did for NJ.com on my personal Facebook timeline, and one of my sister's asked me to take it down. I understand and respect their privacy but I can't help...

Hey, hey, hey and welcome to another episode of me telling tales of my shameless journey towards becoming a self made author in the hopes it would help you navigate your publishing journey. This is episode 5 of Self Published ya’ll, and that means we are half way through the season. I know I don’t usually do this, but I want to talk a little bit about this episode. 

As I shared in the last episode, I wear many hats. But being a mother is by far my favorite. I am a natural nurturer, and while my life could be used as a poster child for the nature verses nurture argument because I filled the role of a mom to my siblings from a very young age, I know that at the very core of me, even sometimes to a fault, the role of my soul is mothering. That’s just me. It is what it is. That being said, the blog we reminisce on today holds a special place in my publishing journey because it was inspired not only by my experience with my mother, but the challenges that many working moms face juggling career and motherhood. 

When you’re a parent, every decision you make affects your offspring one way or another; and even more so as a single parent. Though my kids are essentially along for the ride in many parts of my life, my maternal instinct is to take into consideration how my journey affects them. And that’s when I make sure their wearing their seat belt. “Lol”

Get it, along for the ride? Wearing a seat belt? lol. Oh….(transition from laugh to music”.

August 14th 2013

MATERNAL INSTINCT

I love being a mother. I love everything about it. I enjoy being pregnant (after the morning sickness stage). I'm excited about giving birth. I adore breast feeding and I am passionate about raising children. I was given a lot of responsibility at a young age and I am the eldest of a whole lot of siblings, but even before my parents burdened me with the care of my brother's and sisters, I wanted to nurture them before I was old enough to know what the word meant. I brushed my brother's hair when he was a baby (I was two). I begged my mom for opportunities to change my little sister (I was four). And by the time I was nine, for hours my parents would leave me home alone with three children and an infant to take care of. I believe my maternal instinct is God given and not necessarily a conditioned behavior.

On a daily basis I am surrounded by adults in progress; which include my own offspring, and aaaaalllll of their friends. I'm known to them as Mommy or 'Z', and my home is the place to go for advice, fresh cookies, or to take a load off. Z's house is also the only place that some parents on my block will allow their children to stay past their curfew. Now like any other human being, I have my Calgon moments, but I think my affinity towards and high tolerance of young people, is because I didn't really have a childhood of my own. 

I remember when I was twelve, I asked my mother if because she and my father got married after I was born, did they only do so because she was pregnant. In my attempt to figure out why my parents treated me the way they did, I found it logical that my conception was the blame. I thought that maybe if I wasn't born, my parents would not have gotten married and none of what me and my siblings went through would have happened. My mother never answered, instead she told me to stop asking stupid questions.

I've long given up that idea, and now my mother answers every question I ask her. Which brings me to the inquiry I posed to her tonight: After all that's happened, what does she feel could have encouraged her to protect her children from her husband? To which she couldn't respond. I told her to think about it and get back to me.

 I’ve forgiven my mother. And though she's given excuses like fear and shame for her...