Hey, hey, hey and welcome to another episode of me telling tales of my shameless journey towards becoming a self made author in the hopes it would help you navigate your publishing journey. This is episode 5 of Self Published ya’ll, and that means we are half way through the season. I know I don’t usually do this, but I want to talk a little bit about this episode. 

As I shared in the last episode, I wear many hats. But being a mother is by far my favorite. I am a natural nurturer, and while my life could be used as a poster child for the nature verses nurture argument because I filled the role of a mom to my siblings from a very young age, I know that at the very core of me, even sometimes to a fault, the role of my soul is mothering. That’s just me. It is what it is. That being said, the blog we reminisce on today holds a special place in my publishing journey because it was inspired not only by my experience with my mother, but the challenges that many working moms face juggling career and motherhood. 

When you’re a parent, every decision you make affects your offspring one way or another; and even more so as a single parent. Though my kids are essentially along for the ride in many parts of my life, my maternal instinct is to take into consideration how my journey affects them. And that’s when I make sure their wearing their seat belt. “Lol”

Get it, along for the ride? Wearing a seat belt? lol. Oh….(transition from laugh to music”.

August 14th 2013

MATERNAL INSTINCT

I love being a mother. I love everything about it. I enjoy being pregnant (after the morning sickness stage). I'm excited about giving birth. I adore breast feeding and I am passionate about raising children. I was given a lot of responsibility at a young age and I am the eldest of a whole lot of siblings, but even before my parents burdened me with the care of my brother's and sisters, I wanted to nurture them before I was old enough to know what the word meant. I brushed my brother's hair when he was a baby (I was two). I begged my mom for opportunities to change my little sister (I was four). And by the time I was nine, for hours my parents would leave me home alone with three children and an infant to take care of. I believe my maternal instinct is God given and not necessarily a conditioned behavior.

On a daily basis I am surrounded by adults in progress; which include my own offspring, and aaaaalllll of their friends. I'm known to them as Mommy or 'Z', and my home is the place to go for advice, fresh cookies, or to take a load off. Z's house is also the only place that some parents on my block will allow their children to stay past their curfew. Now like any other human being, I have my Calgon moments, but I think my affinity towards and high tolerance of young people, is because I didn't really have a childhood of my own. 

I remember when I was twelve, I asked my mother if because she and my father got married after I was born, did they only do so because she was pregnant. In my attempt to figure out why my parents treated me the way they did, I found it logical that my conception was the blame. I thought that maybe if I wasn't born, my parents would not have gotten married and none of what me and my siblings went through would have happened. My mother never answered, instead she told me to stop asking stupid questions.

I've long given up that idea, and now my mother answers every question I ask her. Which brings me to the inquiry I posed to her tonight: After all that's happened, what does she feel could have encouraged her to protect her children from her husband? To which she couldn't respond. I told her to think about it and get back to me.

 I’ve forgiven my mother. And though she's given excuses like fear and shame for her...