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Have you ever noticed how just one deep breath can completely change a tough moment? One minute you’re about to snap… and the next, you choose a calmer, kinder response instead.
That’s what we talked about with our dear friend and coach, Ellen Gray.
In this episode, we unpack Positive Intelligence and why learning to pause—just for a few seconds—can transform how we show up in our marriages, with our kids, with friends, and even with ourselves. This isn’t “office talk” or self-help theory. These are real-life tools for real people trying to love well and stay grounded in everyday stress.
Ellen explains PQ as “mental fitness”—basically learning how to train your mind the same way you’d train your body. We talk about our inner “Judge” and those familiar saboteurs like the Pleaser, Controller, and Avoider—and how many of them started as good qualities that just got overused along the way.
She also shares part of her own story, including becoming a “little mother” at just eight years old. It’s such a powerful reminder that empathy is a gift—but without boundaries, it can quietly run your life.
You’ll hear simple practices you can use right away—like focusing on your breath or paying close attention to small physical sensations—that even young kids can learn to calm big emotions. We talk about why feeling safe matters when you’re doing this kind of inner work, when therapy might be helpful, and why small, consistent habits beat “all-in” efforts every time.
Ellen also walks us through her seven-week program, the small pod groups, the daily app support, and how these tools help keep that inner critic from calling the shots.
We kept thinking while recording: what if families shared a common language for stress? What if teens learned these skills early? What if caregivers set loving boundaries without guilt?
That’s what this work makes possible.
You are not “just wired this way.”
You can notice your patterns, choose differently, and make your next conversation a little kinder and clearer.
Listen in, try the 10-second pause, and let us know what changes for you. And if this episode speaks to you, please share it with someone you love, subscribe, and leave a review—it helps us keep growing this community together.
Reach Ellen: EllenGray@verizon.net. Please say that you found me through the Agile Always podcast!
Thank you for spending time with us today! We hope you enjoyed our conversation, related to something we said, and learned something new along the way.
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A special thanks goes to @yancylott for producing, editing, and creating the music for our podcasts!
xo,
Robin & Rudy
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Feb 12 20261 h y 3 m
42 m