In this week’s Know Your Children, we take a courageous, very triggering step inward: Can I look at my child not only as “my kid,” but as a neshamah —a soul that may even be higher than mine?

Building on our work about friendship and authority, Rav Shlomo Katz opens the inner story: our children are not our property, not our projects, and not our therapy. On the level of guf (body), we are the parents, we pay the bills, we set the rules. But on the level of neshamah, we are standing in front of a piece of Hashem that may have been here before us, in different gilgulim, in different roles.

Together we learn:

• The difference between “guf perception” (I’m the parent, you’re the child) and “neshamah perception” (two souls meeting in this gilgul).
• Why our children are absolutely included in “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”—and what it means to love them as “re’a,” not just as responsibility.
• How seeing a child as a neshamah changes the tone of discipline without erasing clear hierarchy and boundaries.
• Why cycles of blame (on our parents, and on ourselves) don’t heal—and how Da et Yeladecha really begins with da et neshamatam.
• A gentler way to daven for our kids: not “fix them,” but “help me see the soul You trusted me with.”

Practical takeaways:

• Before reacting, pause for one breath and whisper: “Li yesh neshamah, v’leyaldi yesh neshamah.” Let that shape your tone.
• In hard moments (bedtime, screens, school), ask: “If I were talking to a neshamah right now, not just behavior, how would I speak?”
• Once a day, look at each child for 10–15 seconds with no agenda—just “noticing the soul”—and only then say your message.
• When old pain with your own parents surfaces, name it, but don’t camp in blame; use it as fuel to open your heart wider to your children.

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This week we face the question every home is asking: how do we hold yedidut (friendship) and mashma’ut (discipline) together—without losing either?

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David learn that Chazal’s path isn’t “buddy” parenting, and it isn’t cold control. It’s a 50/50 coin: authority on one side, friendship on the other—flipped together by love. The Chafetz Chaim’s home modeled chaverut with clear chinuch; the Rambam’s Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha applies inside our doorway, too—yes, even toward our children.

Together we learn:

• Why “just friendship” isn’t a Jewish home, and “just authority” breaks the funnel (kesher nafshi) that lets Torah and values actually land.
• How to keep vision and boundaries without the belt, or the burnout.
• The daily avodah of seeing a neshamah, not a project: curiosity first, guidance second.
• Yosef’s middah as a parenting model: chesed and gevurah operating simultaneously.
• A practical liturgy for parents: entering a moment of conflict with “הנני מקבל עלי מצות עשה של ואהבת לרעך כמוך.”

Practical takeaways:

• Two-step before feedback: 1) Reflect what you heard (friend), 2) State the boundary and consequence calmly (parent).
• Name the coin: Say it out loud—“I love you as my yedid, and I’m setting this boundary as your parent.”
• One clear house rule: Choose one “non-crossable line” this week; post it, keep it with warmth.
• Daily 30-second kavanah: Before big talks, whisper the Ve’ahavta line above.
• Measure the funnel: If your words aren’t landing, build kesher first, teach second.

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz invites us to re-examine the core of chinuch: can a parent be both moreh (teacher) and chaver (friend) without blurring roles? We return to last week’s kesher nafshi (soul-bond) and learn why natural love alone isn’t the funnel—mutuality is. Around ages 12–13, many children feel, “You love me, but you don’t understand me.” The work now is to move from “I care about you” (אכפת לי) to “I’m genuinely interested in you” (מעניין אותי)—from giving gifts we think they need to discovering the gift they actually yearn for.

Together we learn:

• Why ahavah tiv’it (natural love) cannot replace a two-way kesher nafshi, and how that bond becomes the only reliable “funnel” for values to land.
• The shift from top-down instructions to du-siach (two-way conversation) that dignifies a growing child.
• “Chinuch al pi darko” as practice: joining your child’s world so Torah can join their story—and stay there.
• The “gift mistake”: giving from our map instead of their needs, and how to do a gentle birur ha-ratzon (clarifying what they want and what we want).
• The Chafetz Chaim at home: the recipe is parent-as-teacher and parent-as-friend—without surrendering boundaries.

Practical takeaways:

• Ten minutes of curiosity: This week, ask about one thing they care about (music, friend, game, class). No fixing; mirror back what you heard.
• Switch the verb: Say out loud, “It’s not only that I care, I’m interested. Teach me.” Then listen twice as long as you speak.
• Name the age-shift: Tell a 12+ child, “I don’t want to love you like a toddler. Help me love you like you are now.”
• Funnel check before mussar: Ask, “Do we have a kesher right now?” If not—build it first, speak short and warm after.
• Friend + Parent, not either/or: Clarify one boundary you’ll keep with consistency and kindness (tone, timing, devices)—so friendship never erases guidance.

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz asks the heart-level question: Do I Want to Know My Child’s World?

We deepen last week’s kesher nafshi—a two-way soul-bond—by facing a common gap: many parents are pouring from their world into children living in a different one. Without curiosity and reciprocity, the funnel leaks; with it, chinuch can finally land.

Together we learn:
- Why a mutual bond (ke-mayim ha-panim) is the only stable “funnel” for real chinuch.
- How to enter a child’s dor (generation) with humility—see, listen, learn—before you speak.
- The difference between organic kibbud av va’em and guilt-based demands—and how to keep it gentle.
- Why relying on “passive osmosis” (they’ll just pick it up) isn’t a shittah—we need a conscious method.
- Creation’s order as a model: a spousal kesher of mutuality precedes and teaches the parent–child bond.

Practical takeaways:
- Schedule one curiosity block this week (10–15 min): ask about their music, friends, game, class—no fixing, just “teach me your world.”
- Before giving mussar, ask: Do I have a funnel here? If not, build it first (listen, reflect back, then speak briefly).
- Name one gentle boundary that keeps connection safe (tone, timing, devices), and keep it with consistency and warmth.

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L’ilui nishmat Batya Feiga bat Yisrael; Levi ben Yosef; Avraham Mordechai ben Yosef.
For refuah sheleimah Aliza Chana bat Naomi; Shoshana Yona bat Eidel—תחת שערי שמים.
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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz continues our journey in Know Your Children toward a deeper parent–child bond—נפשו קשורה בנפשו / kesher nafshi—a two-way soul connection modeled by Yaakov and Binyamin. We review the “personalized funnel” of chinuch for each child and revisit the two loves that start every home—ahavah tiv’it (rooted in existence) and ahavah mutenet (shaped by traits)—then ask: how do we grow beyond one-way love into a shared inner bond without slipping into favoritism, enmeshment, or blurred boundaries?

Together we learn:

• Why every child demands a unique funnel from our heart to theirs—and why it begins with knowing ourselves.
• The limits of one-way love (newborn stage and trait-based affection) and the promise of two-sided connection.
• What “kesher nafshi” isn’t: dependency, replacing clear expectations, or making our child responsible for our feelings.
• How to model kibbud av va’em, set invitations (not ultimatums), and keep the family as the first lab for reciprocal relationships.
• Seeing our children inside Nishmat Kelal Yisrael—love that holds the individual and the bigger picture.

Practical takeaways:

• This week, offer one “invitation without expectation” for connection (walk, note, shared task) tailored to that child’s language of love.
• Before correction, ask: Am I speaking from ahavah tiv’it or from my need to feel loved? Adjust tone accordingly.
• Name and protect boundaries that keep closeness healthy (sleep, devices, respectful speech), so kesher can grow safely.

L’ilui nishmat Batya Feiga bat Yisrael, Levi ben Yosef; for refuah sheleimah of Aliza Chana bat Naomi—tachat sha’arei shamayim.

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz explores the foundation of Natural vs. Conditional Loving. Every parent begins with an unconditional, unexplainable love—ahavah tiv’it—simply because our child exists. As children grow and reveal talents, quirks, and challenges, a second layer—ahavah mutenet—forms, often shaping how we respond and how they feel loved. The work is to bridge these two, so the deepest, unconditional love never gets buried.

Together we learn:

• The long–short path of chinuch: why taking time to explain clearly now creates quicker, gentler reception later.
• How unconditional love at birth (you are, therefore I love you) often gets clouded by comparison, correction, and “fixing.”
• The shift from ahavah tiv’it (rooted in existence) to ahavah mutenet (shaped by personality and traits).
• Why “favorites” and subtle distance creep in, and how to return to the root love beneath them.
• A Rosh Hashanah lens: just as the day celebrates the creation of Adam, so too it calls us back to love that flows from existence itself.

Practical takeaways:

• Give one no-reason act of kindness to your child this week—just because they are.
• Catch yourself when love feels conditional; pause and recall the root, unconditional bond.
• Think one positive thought about each child daily; they feel the shift, even before you act.

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz takes last week’s funnel and makes it practical. It’s not enough to have powerful Torah and holy intentions—if the צינור, the pipeline between parent and child, has leaks, what we’re trying to pour in never really arrives.

Together we learn:

• The bridge before the message: why “content of chinuch” is stage two, and stage one is building a genuine bridge of trust and safety.
• Two channels that actually land: ma’aseh (personal example lived with simchah) and dibbur (speaking in a way that can be received—be’ofen hamitkabel).
• Age-gap wisdom: how to match language to a child’s kelî kibbul (capacity), and why over-pouring causes shut-down.
• Emet, Simchah, Savlanut: the core middot that seal the leaks—humility to listen, honesty to live what we say, and patience to pace what we give.
• From teaching to mesirah: “Moshe kibel… umesarah l’Yehoshua”—chinuch is not lecturing; it’s transmitting, intact, heart to heart.
• A tefillah approach: why we daven while we learn parenting Torah, so the words don’t stay ideas—they become life.

Practical takeaways:

• Identify one “leak” in your pipeline (tone, timing, vocabulary, pace) and patch it this week.
• Share one value in child-level language and model it with a small, joyful action before you explain it.
• End the day with a 30-second tefillah for the bridge between you and each child.

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In this opening shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz begins our journey through Da Et Yeladecha with the image of a funnel. Parents often try to “pour” everything they know and feel straight into their children. But without the right structure, much of it spills out.

Together we explore:

• Why chinuch begins with building an infrastructure—a bridge of emet (truth)—between parent and child.
• How age gaps create differences not just in understanding but in emotional perception, and how to meet children where they are.
• Why you can only give over what you’re genuinely living or actively working on.
• Practical mindset: Instead of perfection, aim for honesty and effort—your children will see and absorb the work itself.

This shiur sets the foundation for the series: learning how to give in a way that truly lands so that the love and values we want to pass on actually reach our children.

For the complete collection of shiurim and music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: ravshlomokatz.com

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