8. Experiencing our Children as Souls

In this week’s Know Your Children, we take a courageous, very triggering step inward: Can I look at my child not only as “my kid,” but as a neshamah —a soul that may even be higher than mine?

Building on our work about friendship and authority, Rav Shlomo Katz opens the inner story: our children are not our property, not our projects, and not our therapy. On the level of guf (body), we are the parents, we pay the bills, we set the rules. But on the level of neshamah, we are standing in front of a piece of Hashem that may have been here before us, in different gilgulim, in different roles.

Together we learn:

• The difference between “guf perception” (I’m the parent, you’re the child) and “neshamah perception” (two souls meeting in this gilgul).
• Why our children are absolutely included in “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”—and what it means to love them as “re’a,” not just as responsibility.
• How seeing a child as a neshamah changes the tone of discipline without erasing clear hierarchy and boundaries.
• Why cycles of blame (on our parents, and on ourselves) don’t heal—and how Da et Yeladecha really begins with da et neshamatam.
• A gentler way to daven for our kids: not “fix them,” but “help me see the soul You trusted me with.”

Practical takeaways:

• Before reacting, pause for one breath and whisper: “Li yesh neshamah, v’leyaldi yesh neshamah.” Let that shape your tone.
• In hard moments (bedtime, screens, school), ask: “If I were talking to a neshamah right now, not just behavior, how would I speak?”
• Once a day, look at each child for 10–15 seconds with no agenda—just “noticing the soul”—and only then say your message.
• When old pain with your own parents surfaces, name it, but don’t camp in blame; use it as fuel to open your heart wider to your children.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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