In this week’s Know Your Children, we take a courageous, very triggering step inward: Can I look at my child not only as “my kid,” but as a neshamah —a soul that may even be higher than mine?

Building on our work about friendship and authority, Rav Shlomo Katz opens the inner story: our children are not our property, not our projects, and not our therapy. On the level of guf (body), we are the parents, we pay the bills, we set the rules. But on the level of neshamah, we are standing in front of a piece of Hashem that may have been here before us, in different gilgulim, in different roles.

Together we learn:

• The difference between “guf perception” (I’m the parent, you’re the child) and “neshamah perception” (two souls meeting in this gilgul).
• Why our children are absolutely included in “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”—and what it means to love them as “re’a,” not just as responsibility.
• How seeing a child as a neshamah changes the tone of discipline without erasing clear hierarchy and boundaries.
• Why cycles of blame (on our parents, and on ourselves) don’t heal—and how Da et Yeladecha really begins with da et neshamatam.
• A gentler way to daven for our kids: not “fix them,” but “help me see the soul You trusted me with.”

Practical takeaways:

• Before reacting, pause for one breath and whisper: “Li yesh neshamah, v’leyaldi yesh neshamah.” Let that shape your tone.
• In hard moments (bedtime, screens, school), ask: “If I were talking to a neshamah right now, not just behavior, how would I speak?”
• Once a day, look at each child for 10–15 seconds with no agenda—just “noticing the soul”—and only then say your message.
• When old pain with your own parents surfaces, name it, but don’t camp in blame; use it as fuel to open your heart wider to your children.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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This week we face the question every home is asking: how do we hold yedidut (friendship) and mashma’ut (discipline) together—without losing either?

Rav Shlomo Katz and the women of Shirat David learn that Chazal’s path isn’t “buddy” parenting, and it isn’t cold control. It’s a 50/50 coin: authority on one side, friendship on the other—flipped together by love. The Chafetz Chaim’s home modeled chaverut with clear chinuch; the Rambam’s Ve’ahavta l’rei’acha kamocha applies inside our doorway, too—yes, even toward our children.

Together we learn:

• Why “just friendship” isn’t a Jewish home, and “just authority” breaks the funnel (kesher nafshi) that lets Torah and values actually land.
• How to keep vision and boundaries without the belt, or the burnout.
• The daily avodah of seeing a neshamah, not a project: curiosity first, guidance second.
• Yosef’s middah as a parenting model: chesed and gevurah operating simultaneously.
• A practical liturgy for parents: entering a moment of conflict with “הנני מקבל עלי מצות עשה של ואהבת לרעך כמוך.”

Practical takeaways:

• Two-step before feedback: 1) Reflect what you heard (friend), 2) State the boundary and consequence calmly (parent).
• Name the coin: Say it out loud—“I love you as my yedid, and I’m setting this boundary as your parent.”
• One clear house rule: Choose one “non-crossable line” this week; post it, keep it with warmth.
• Daily 30-second kavanah: Before big talks, whisper the Ve’ahavta line above.
• Measure the funnel: If your words aren’t landing, build kesher first, teach second.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

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In this week’s shiur, Rav Shlomo Katz invites us to re-examine the core of chinuch: can a parent be both moreh (teacher) and chaver (friend) without blurring roles? We return to last week’s kesher nafshi (soul-bond) and learn why natural love alone isn’t the funnel—mutuality is. Around ages 12–13, many children feel, “You love me, but you don’t understand me.” The work now is to move from “I care about you” (אכפת לי) to “I’m genuinely interested in you” (מעניין אותי)—from giving gifts we think they need to discovering the gift they actually yearn for.

Together we learn:

• Why ahavah tiv’it (natural love) cannot replace a two-way kesher nafshi, and how that bond becomes the only reliable “funnel” for values to land.
• The shift from top-down instructions to du-siach (two-way conversation) that dignifies a growing child.
• “Chinuch al pi darko” as practice: joining your child’s world so Torah can join their story—and stay there.
• The “gift mistake”: giving from our map instead of their needs, and how to do a gentle birur ha-ratzon (clarifying what they want and what we want).
• The Chafetz Chaim at home: the recipe is parent-as-teacher and parent-as-friend—without surrendering boundaries.

Practical takeaways:

• Ten minutes of curiosity: This week, ask about one thing they care about (music, friend, game, class). No fixing; mirror back what you heard.
• Switch the verb: Say out loud, “It’s not only that I care, I’m interested. Teach me.” Then listen twice as long as you speak.
• Name the age-shift: Tell a 12+ child, “I don’t want to love you like a toddler. Help me love you like you are now.”
• Funnel check before mussar: Ask, “Do we have a kesher right now?” If not—build it first, speak short and warm after.
• Friend + Parent, not either/or: Clarify one boundary you’ll keep with consistency and kindness (tone, timing, devices)—so friendship never erases guidance.

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For more Shuirim and Music from Rav Shlomo Katz, visit: https://ravshlomokatz.com

Join Rav Shlomo Katz's WhatsApp Community: https://chat.whatsapp.com/KHKOhhPaeHx5Kb74WL9L9a?mode=ems_copy_t