The Platinum Rule

In this episode of Conversations with Thomas, we explore a powerful shift in how we relate to one another: from the Golden Rule to the Platinum Rule—"Treat others the way they want to be treated."

Thomas Kevin Dolan invites you into a soulful conversation blending science, story, and spirit. You'll hear insights from psychology, queer wisdom, and personal healing journeys—including a tender story from his book Little Fag: A Story of Self-Acceptance and Healing—that reveal how the Platinum Rule creates deeper, more compassionate connections.

With a practical practice called The Platinum Swap, Thomas offers a tangible way to embody this heart-led principle in your everyday relationships. Whether with loved ones, chosen family, or even yourself, this episode is a reminder that true love begins with listening.

What You’ll Learn:

• The difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule—and why it matters

• How empathy and interpersonal neurobiology deepen connection

• Ways queer communities model expansive, attuned love

• A story of relational healing through the Platinum Rule

• A simple 10-minute practice to strengthen any relationship

• How to love others (and yourself) with more nuance, care, and curiosity

Who It’s Perfect For:

• Heart-centered humans looking to deepen their relationships

• Coaches, therapists, and helpers who value attuned connection

• Those ready to practice empathy as a verb—not just a feeling

In this warm, witty, and wisdom-packed episode of Conversations with Thomas, host Thomas Kevin Dolan explores the tender art of kindFULLness—a powerful blend of mindfulness and self-compassion. Through vulnerable storytelling, science-backed insight, and just the right dash of humor, Thomas shows how practicing kindFULLness isn’t about escaping life’s mess, but meeting it with a soft heart and curious mind.

He shares personal stories from his memoir Little Fag: A Story of Self-Acceptance and Healing, including a middle school mirror moment and an emotional breakdown at his first Pride parade—moments where kindFULLness helped him stay grounded and whole. Thomas also breaks down what the research says, from cortisol reduction to increased emotional resilience, and offers a simple, guided practice to help listeners embody kindFULLness in their daily lives.

If your inner critic needs a nap and your soul is craving a little grace, this one’s for you.

What You'll Learn:

• What kindFULLness is—and why it matters

• How to spot your inner critic (and kindly tell it to pipe down)

• The science behind self-compassion and stress reduction

• A 4-step “Gentle Pause” practice you can use anytime

• Why you can be a masterpiece and a work in progress

Perfect For:

Anyone who’s tired of beating themselves up and ready to show up with more softness, humor, and self-acceptance.

Bridge Burning

How often have you heard quotes like these:

“Keep burning those bridges. It’s going to be lonely on that island of yours.”

“Don’t burn bridges you may have to cross later.”

Or my favorite:

“Don’t burn a bridge and expect them to send a boat.”

Usually, this is pretty sound advice. The one thing they are all missing is that little asterisk (*) that points to the disclaimer:

• Unless that bridge is so screwed up that it might collapse and kill you at any moment.

Sometimes you need to burn bridges in order to stop yourself from crossing them again.

Grind or Ground

Grounding allows you to develop the capacity to appreciate your genuine rhythm and feel a natural, relaxing flow in both your internal and exterior worlds.

Grind Culture is not really about Making It to The Top. It’s about trying to compensate for a lack of self-worth built in by a society that wants you to feel this way so that it can keep on producing and dominating everything.

Rumi shares this:

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.

When you find that field. Share the location with me and I’ll meet you there.

The 18 Inch Journey

From this inner knowing comes great wisdom of understanding of the truth of your experience and your nature.

When we look into our hearts, we are able to access that deep wisdom and use it to inform our minds with crucial information it does not receive from the outside world.

It is easy to allow the heart to take a backseat because most of us spend a majority of our lives leading with our brains, preoccupied with the immense amount of stimulus coming from the outside (both good and bad).

We must actively remember to check in and to connect with the heart.

We need the hearts wisdom to help guide us through all of the outside stimulus.

So remind yourself daily, hourly, from moment to moment and ask:

• What is my heart telling me or wanting me to know?

Become best friends, because if anyone has your best interests in mind, it’s your heart!

Self-FULL

Many of you know that I, at one time, had 9 other siblings. And of course, from my Mom’s vantage point, the best version of her children were the ones that weren’t going to be selfish. I was loved when I shared.

I hated sharing with my siblings. Having nothing of my own growing up was quite painful. So as much as I learned to share, I preferred to be selfish, at least that’s what I wanted as a little boy.

In therapy one day the idea of better self-care was bandied about by my therapist. “What would it be like to be more selfish”, my well-intended therapist asked.

I remember starting to cry. Through tear filled eyes I said, “I always thought I wasn’t loved by my Mom when I was selfish.”

It was a story I made up when she busted me for not sharing a block of Hershey’s chocolate a friend of my Dad bought for me.

After getting me re-grounded he gently asked, “If there was term or concept that meant you focusing on you, but you didn’t use the term selfish, what would it be?”

As my eyes lifted to meet his, I began to smile. “What about self-FULL? Would that work?”

Like any good therapist worth their salt he asked, “Would that work for you?” “Hell yes!”, I said.

In today’s podcast I want to breathe some energy into the concept of being self-full.

I’ll also share 6 reasons why living “SELF-FULL” is incredibly generous.

BADASS ANCESTORS

James Nasymth shares this wisdom, “Our history begins before we are born. We represent the hereditary influences of our race, & our ancestors virtually live in us.”

We are part of a lineage, a stream of intention and creation whose fountain springs from our ancestors.

Their lives have been lived and completed with a beginning-middle-end. And yet, something of them lives within each of us.

I feel compelled to include my ancestors as subject matter for this podcast & in doing so I’m inviting you to call your ancestors forward to listen with you today.

Their forces have had a hand in shaping us. It’s a beautiful idea, to see ourselves as a stream, as a lineage, and important to remember and honor those who came before us.

This podcast is being recorded in Honolulu, Hawaii. I acknowledge that the unceded ‘Āina, or land, in which I live, called Kakaako, is part of the larger territory recognized by Kānaka Maoli, or indigenous Hawaiians. I'm honored and grateful to be a guest of the Hawaiian Kingdom.

Refresh

I love the word refresh. It’s such a perfect word to describe starting again or returning to something.

In fact, we even use it as a computer term.

Sometimes when I’m working on my computer, leave it for a while, and then come back, things freeze up. Certain programs aren’t working properly anymore.

So I have to refresh my computer screen. And there are times when that means I need to completely reboot.

I read recently a very simple, both symbolic & practical, way to refresh your home - open the back door, let out the old energy. Open your front door let in the new energy.

Letting in the freshness, letting out the stale. I sense it’s a powerful way to energize or re-energize our lives.

In this podcast I’m want to share how it is we might consider a refresh on an emotional level.

I’ll offer some very pragmatic ways to do this, all nestled in a bit of philosophy.