What if the way you're thinking about alienation is actually keeping you stuck? In this episode, discover the four mindsets that quietly differentiate alienated parents who stay trapped in survival mode from those who create the best possible future—no matter what the court or alienating parent is doing. These aren't about fixing alienation overnight. They're about taking your power back today.

MAIN TALKING POINTS

1. Clarity & Focus: Reclaim What Your Life Is About

• Stop living inside everyone else's head (your ex, your child, the court)
• Ask: "Who do I want my child to find when they're ready?" and "What is my job TODAY?"
• Create two columns: "Gets my energy" vs. "No longer gets my energy"
• If you don't decide what your life is for, alienation will decide for you—and it always picks fear

2. Belief & Possibility: Shift from "Is This Fixable?" to "Who Am I Becoming?"

• Stop organizing your entire inner world around whether the situation is fixable
• Make tiny belief upgrades: from "nothing good can come from this" to "I'm open to being surprised"
• Build an evidence list of times you've surprised yourself with resilience
• Live AS IF possibility exists—don't wait to feel convinced first

3. Emotional Alignment: Feel Without Indulging

• Understand the difference between feeling an emotion and indulging in it
• Use the 3-step process: Name it, Normalize it, Orient it
• Ask: "How do I want to work with this emotion given who I'm becoming?"
• Stop letting your most frightened or furious moments dictate your entire story

4. Detachment & Openness: The Three Circles of Control

• Circle 1 (yours): How you speak to yourself, care for your body, show up in court
• Circle 2 (influence): How others perceive you, whether your child feels safe to soften
• Circle 3 (not yours): Judge's decisions, ex's narrative, exact timing of reconnection

• • Reclaim 90% of your energy from Circle 3 and redirect it to Circle 1

KEY TAKEAWAYS

✓ You can't control alienation, but you CAN control your emotional trajectory starting today

✓ Stop waiting for external circumstances to change before you start building your life

✓ Your nervous system is learning from how you live—teach it that you're safe, capable, and worthy

✓ The parent your child finds when they return matters more than the timeline of their return

✓ Emotional white-knuckling (constantly checking, replaying, gripping) keeps you hostage to every new piece of information

✓ Small redirections compound: Name it → Acknowledge it → Redirect your energy to what you CAN control

✓ Living in your ex's or child's head steals your power—come back into your own

✓ Openness invites flow; clenching blocks it. Let go to let energy move through you

Are you ready to break free from the identity of an alienated parent and start creating a new reality for yourself? This episode is your guide to reclaiming your power, shifting your mindset, and taking your biggest strides toward living freely.

⁠Schedule a Clarity Call⁠

Main Talking Points

• The emotional impact of year-end reflections for alienated parents.
• How identity, shaped by past experiences and external labels, influences healing and progress.
• The importance of self-awareness
• Exercises for self-reflection: journaling, listing outcomes, & identifying the thoughts behind them.
• The necessity of letting go of old identities to create new, empowered versions of oneself.
• The difference between living in a mindset of lack versus abundance.
• The role of playfulness & self-compassion in personal growth.
• Encouragement to seek support and take small, consistent steps toward change.

Key Takeaways

• Your current identity is shaped by past experiences, but it doesn’t have to dictate your future.
• Self-reflection and honest assessment of your beliefs and emotions are crucial for healing.
• Letting go of limiting beliefs & adopting new empowering ones is essential for transformation.
• Taking responsibility for your life—without self-blame—opens the door to new possibilities.
• Consistent, small steps and a playful, compassionate approach can accelerate your growth.
• Support & guidance (like coaching) can help with implementation and accountability.

• 00:00:11 – Welcome & Setting the Stage
  welcomes new & returning listeners, sets the emotional tone for parents experiencing alienation at the turn of the year.

  00:01:14 – The Weight of Time & Stalled Progress
  Shelby shares how time passing without progress in her alienation case felt; validates listeners who are in the same place.

  00:02:36 – Movie Reflections & Emotional Triggers
  discussing two movies, how they unexpectedly triggered emotions related to alienation, offers a gentle warning to listeners.

  00:05:25 – Recap: Energy Series & Healing Themes
  Recap of the last two episodes, including shifting your energy, separating from your unconscious self, & the science behind connectedness for alienated parents.

  00:07:20 – Facing Your Current Self & Emotional Inventory
  Encourages listeners to honestly assess their current emotional state, the top three emotions they feel daily, & how this awareness is the first step to change.

  00:09:46 – The Role of Identity in Alienation
  Deep dive into how identity is shaped by alienation, childhood roles, & beliefs we carry— + the importance of confronting these patterns.

  00:13:41 – The Impossible Goal Exercise a personal story about setting an “impossible” goal, the barriers, & how her mindset & identity kept her stuck.

  00:15:09 – Scarcity Mindset & Shifting EnergyExploring how a scarcity mindset keeps alienated parents stuck; why shifting your internal energy is essential for change.

  00:18:53 – Self-Reflection: Are You Ready for a Shift? Shelby challenges listeners to confront their current identity, beliefs, & emotional habits, why this is uncomfortable but necessary.

  00:20:06 – My Badges of Victimhood A candid look at how alienation, victimization, & external labels become part of your identity & how to start letting go.

  00:21:16 -  The Influence of Negative Beliefs on Outcomes

• 00:27:58 –  The Influence of Positive Beliefs on Outcomes

• 00:28:01 – How Your Identity Shapes Your Reality
  00:32:44 - Mindset of Abundance vs. Lack
   00:35:39 - Importance of Writing Down Goals

  00:37:22 - How Do You Define Yourself?

  00:43:08 - The Exchange - Give to Get

  00:48:11 - High Quality Questions to Provide Clarity

  00:51:34 - Peace Starts from Within

  00:55:36 - The Power of Implementation and Coaching

  00:58:49 - Outro and Next Steps

Are you an alienated parent feeling disconnected and powerless? In this episode, Shelby Milford uncovers the hidden science and hope behind family bonds, even in the face of estrangement. Learn how to reclaim your power, shift your energy, and start healing—no matter how distant your child may seem.

Main Talking Points

• The Illusion of Separation: Why you’re never truly disconnected from your child, even when alienation feels absolute.
• Family as a Living Network: How emotional patterns and healing ripple through your family, just like mycelium connects trees in a forest.
• Raising Your Frequency: The real meaning of “vibration” and how changing your internal state can transform your experience as an alienated parent.
• From Victim to Creator: How shifting your mindset from powerlessness to self-respect changes what you bring to your family system.
• Actionable Healing: Simple, honest steps to start breaking cycles of shame and create a healthier emotional environment for yourself and your children.

Key Takeaways

• You are still connected to your child, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
• Your personal healing changes the emotional “nutrients” you send through your family’s network.
• Focus on what you can control—your own mindset and actions.
• Small, compassionate shifts in your daily life can create big changes over time.
• Don’t put your happiness on hold for a specific outcome; your growth matters now.

How trees talk to each other | Suzanne Simard-

00:00:00 - Introduction to Beyond The High Road Podcast

00:35:00 - Recap and Building on Last Week's Topic

01:12:00 - Quantum Entanglement and the Illusion of Separation

02:48:00 - Mycelium Network Metaphor: Connectedness

05:38:00 - Quantum Entanglement Revisited

06:18:00 - The Mycelium Network in Detail

11:08:00 - Family Systems and Emotional Climate

23:09:00 - The Science of Frequency and Vibration

29:38:00 - Understanding the Impact of Thoughts on Your Nervous System

30:19:00 - Diligence Awareness Resonance and Vibrational Alignment

34:58:00 - Shifting Your Frequency and Beliefs After Alienation

37:42:00 - The Power of Vibrational Energy

40:23:00 - Client Success Stories and Changing Beliefs

48:58:00 - Practical Steps to Shift Your Frequency

54:04:00 - Final Thoughts and Upcoming Opportunities

#parentalalienation #familyestrangement #alienatedparent #parentalalienationrecovery

Are you an alienated parent feeling stuck, defeated, or like you’ve failed? Discover how to break free from the pain of alienation, reclaim your sense of self, and step into a new reality where healing and hope are possible—no matter what’s happened in your past.

Main Talking Points

• Moving Beyond “Failure”: Why the feeling of having “failed as a parent” is rooted in old beliefs, and how to shift out of that mindset.
• The Power of Self-Accountability: Understanding how your energy and beliefs shape your experience—even in the face of alienation.
• Reclaiming Your Identity: Learning to separate your sense of self from external circumstances, including your relationship with your children and the actions of the alienating parent.
• The 99% Solution: Tapping into your spirit and energy (the “99%” of you) to create real change, rather than relying solely on thoughts or external validation.
• Practical Steps for Healing: Daily practices like sitting in silence, detoxing your environment, and redefining your boundaries to start living as your most empowered self.
• Transforming Your Problems: How to move from “low-quality” problems (feeling powerless) to “high-quality” problems (creating the life you want).

Notable Quotes

• “The you that’s living the life of your dreams already exists—even after alienation, even after all that’s happened in your past.”
• “Your circumstances will not change until you do. If you’re waiting for the world to change, you’ll be waiting forever.”
• “You are not just a character in someone else’s story. You are the author of your own life.”
• “This may have been true for me before, but it’s not true anymore.”
• “If you can separate yourself from the version of you that needed others to make life easier, you’ll realize you are all-powerful.”

Key Takeaways

• Feeling like a failure as a parent is a common but false narrative—one that can be rewritten.
• True transformation starts with taking responsibility for your own energy and beliefs, not waiting for others to change.
• Healing requires detaching from old patterns, sitting with yourself, and redefining your identity beyond your role as a parent.
• Daily practices—like meditation, environment detox, and self-reflection—are essential for regaining your energy and sense of self.
• With commitment, your life can become unrecognizable (in a good way) within months, not years.
• The journey is about moving from surviving to thriving, and from being defined by alienation to being defined by your own empowered choices.

01:19:00 - Shifting from Stuck to Empowered as an Alienated Parent

02:42:00- Why You Have to Shift Your Energy to Shift Your Circumstances

11:24:00 - Why Alienating Parents Seem to “Win”

12:44:00 -  The Power of Self-Respect and Boundaries

19:47:00 - Who Are You? Rediscovering Identity After Alienation

24:14:00 - Healing Energy Blocks and Trauma

32:05:00 - Detoxing Your Environment

39:11:00 -  Processing Trauma and Emotional Triggers

44:07:00 - Shadow Work: Healing Childhood Trauma

48:40:00 - Letting Go of Old Beliefs

50:30:00 - New Beliefs and Desires

55:30:00 - High-Quality Problems and Changing Your Destiny

Are you a parent who’s ever felt robbed of precious moments with your child—by a person, the system, or just life itself? In this raw and transformative episode, Shelby Milford shares a deeply personal story of feeling cheated and the powerful shift that changed everything. Discover how letting go of resistance and embracing the present can turn pain into connection, even in the most challenging circumstances. If you’re struggling with alienation, injustice, or the ache of lost time, this episode will offer you hope, practical wisdom, and a path to reclaiming your peace.

Main Talking Points:

• Shelby’s personal journey through supervised visits and the emotional turmoil of feeling cheated as a parent.
• The impact of external interference (step-parent, ex-partner) on parent-child relationships.
• The internal struggle: how resistance to reality drains energy and deepens pain.
• The pivotal moment: learning to let go of resistance, inspired by Byron Katie’s "Loving What Is" and group coaching.
• The transformation that occurs when focusing on love and presence rather than injustice.
• Practical strategies for parents to reclaim peace and connection, even when circumstances feel unfair.

Notable Quotes:

• “Have you ever noticed that your brain will fixate on the villain in your story and then suddenly you realize that that person is running your inner world?”
• “Letting go of resistance didn’t mean pretending it was fair… it simply meant accepting the truth of this moment.”
• “When you stop fighting what already is, you reclaim your presence. You reclaim your peace.”
• “Because once your peace stops depending on fairness, you become untouchable.”
• “I was handing it away every time that I let her behavior dictate my sense of peace on the inside.”

Key Takeaways:

• Feeling cheated is a layered emotion, often rooted in resistance to reality and a longing for justice.
• Obsessing over unfairness or the actions of others can rob you of the very moments you cherish with your child.
• True healing begins not with external justice, but with releasing the need for things to be different right now.
• Letting go is not approval or weakness—it’s a conscious act of reclaiming your energy and presence.
• When you meet reality with acceptance and focus on love, you create space for genuine connection and joy, regardless of external circumstances.
• Your peace and ability to connect with your child are within your control, even when the situation feels out of your hands.

Holiday Lunches: Friday 12/12 & Sat 12/20 12:30 EST: Private FB Group

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:30 Announcements and Updates

01:59 Feeling Cheated: An Alienated Mom's Story

09:35 The Turning Point: Embracing Acceptance

16:35 Understanding Resistance and Letting Go

22:48 Practical Steps to Reclaim Peace

23:40 Conclusion and Farewell

Are you an alienated parent struggling with ambiguous loss and searching for hope? In this episode, life coach Shelby Milford dives deep into the science of happiness, revealing how alienated parents can reclaim joy—even in the midst of grief and uncertainty. Discover research-backed strategies, personal stories, and practical tools to raise your happiness set point and find meaning after parental alienation. Don’t let estrangement define your future—learn how to heal and thrive, starting today.

Main Talking Points

• The unique grief of alienated parents: ambiguous loss and “frozen grief”
• The science behind the “happiness set point” and how it applies to parents facing parental alienation
• How ambiguous loss can lower your happiness baseline—and why naming your experience is the first step to healing
• Research-backed strategies for raising your happiness set point: gratitude, mindfulness, social connection, and intentional activities
• The six resilience guidelines for alienated parents, including finding meaning, adjusting mastery, and discovering new hope
• The power of micro-joys, savoring small moments, and post-traumatic growth after estrangement

Notable Quotes

• “Alienation is a perfect example of ambiguous loss—there’s no protocol, no casseroles, and no cards, but the grief is real.”
• “Research shows that while sorrow may be permanent, it doesn’t have to permanently depress your happiness set point.”
• “You can intentionally raise your happiness set point to higher than it ever was prior to alienation.”
• “Naming your experience as ambiguous loss is the first step toward healing for alienated parents.”
• “The quality of your relationships—even micro-connections—outperforms genes and social class in predicting happiness.”

Key Takeaways

• Ambiguous loss from parental alienation creates a unique, ongoing grief that can lower your happiness set point—but it’s possible to rebuild.
• Naming and understanding ambiguous loss is essential for alienated parents to begin the healing process.
• Research shows that 40–50% of your happiness is within your control through intentional activities, even after estrangement.
• Gratitude, mindfulness, social connection, and acts of kindness are proven ways to boost happiness for alienated parents.
• Post-traumatic growth is possible: alienated parents can develop greater appreciation, resilience, and meaning after loss.
• Alienation does not have to define your life—your happiness set point can be raised, and you can thrive despite ongoing uncertainty.

Why Avoiding Your Feelings is Sometimes the Best Choice For Alienated Parents: https://youtu.be/yYUq5gUPvFY?si=UIzcx0huJOkcHK6v

00:00 Introduction to Beyond The High Road Podcast

00:34 Understanding Happiness Set Point

02:25 Personal Journey and Nonprofit Aspirations

06:30 Introduction to the Science of Happiness

11:25 Hedonic Treadmill and Happiness Research

22:18 Ambiguous Grief and Its Impact

26:55 The Paradox of Ambiguous Grief

28:42 Finding Words for Grief

30:09 Understanding Chronic Sorrow

33:54 Building Resilience with Boss's Guidelines

36:44 Evidence-Based Happiness Interventions

41:13 The Power of Social Connection

43:40 Acts of Kindness and Physical Activity

47:24 Post-Traumatic Growth Framework

49:38 Concluding Thoughts on Happiness and Grief

Struggling with the holidays as an alienated or estranged parent? You’re not alone. In episode 165, Shelby unpacks the hidden challenges of the holiday season for those feeling the grief of missing out on experiencing so many special moments with their children. Discover why the holidays can feel so painful — and YES, sucky — ultimately learning how you can reclaim your power, find validation, and create new meaning, even in the midst of grief.

In this episode:

• ​The six core reasons holidays are especially hard for alienated parents
• ​How brain wiring and old traditions intensify holiday grief
• ​The impact of “disenfranchised grief” and feeling misunderstood
• ​The pressure of cultural “shoulds” and unrealistic holiday expectations
• ​The trap of “always” and “never” thinking
• ​Why forced gratitude can backfire—and what to do instead
• ​Redefining happiness: embracing all emotions as part of being human
• ​Practical steps to create safety, validation, and new rituals

Disenfranchised Grief Episode: https://www.beyondthehighroad.com/blog/Episode35

Notable Quotes:

• ​“Nothing is wrong with you. Your reaction makes complete sense in light of what you lived through.”
• ​“Disenfranchised grief is real grief that doesn’t get recognized, validated, or supported by the people around you.”
• ​“When you fight reality, you lose—but a hundred percent of the time.”
• ​“You can define each holiday for you moving forward based on your values and what feels helpful and most supportive for you today.”
• ​“Happiness doesn’t produce the results you want in the end. All emotions show us our evidence of aliveness.”

Key Takeaways:

• ​The pain of the holidays is a normal response to loss and alienation—not a personal failing.
• ​Old routines and expectations can trigger grief, but acknowledging these feelings is the first step to healing.
• ​You are not alone in feeling misunderstood; disenfranchised grief is common and valid.
• ​Question cultural and personal “shoulds”—they often add unnecessary pressure.
• ​Allow yourself to feel all emotions, not just happiness; this is part of being human.
• ​Create your own rituals and definitions for the holidays, focusing on what supports you now.
• ​Small acts of self-validation and self-care can make the season more bearable and meaningful.

Tune in for real talk, practical steps, and a reminder: nothing is wrong with you.

00:00 Introduction and Welcome

00:33 Thanksgiving and Holiday Reflections

01:14 Understanding Alienation During Holidays

03:37 Six Reasons Why Holidays Are Difficult

16:29 Coping with Holiday Memories and Expectations

23:04 Disenfranchised Grief and Isolation

33:32 Understanding Ambiguous Grief

34:39 Acknowledging Your Feelings

35:49 Coping Strategies for Social Gatherings

37:25 Challenging Cultural Expectations

39:16 Reframing Negative Self-Talk

42:15 Letting Go of Absolute Statements

52:08 Finding Gratitude Amidst Pain

56:09 Redefining Holiday Expectations

01:01:05 Final Thoughts and Farewell

When your world feels like it’s crashing down and panic takes over, how do you find your footing? In this episode, Shelby shares practical tools and mindset shifts for alienated parents facing sudden bad news, helping you move from overwhelm to grounded resilience.

Main Talking Points

• Why panic and catastrophizing are common for alienated parents (3:00)
• Understanding trauma responses and the “doom spiral” (3:30–6:00)
• Separating fact from story: how your mind creates suffering (6:40–7:00)
• Immediate grounding techniques for moments of crisis (8:00–10:00)
• Scheduling “worry time” to regain control (10:20)
• Cognitive reframes: giving equal airtime to positive, negative, and neutral outcomes (12:00)
• How setbacks can actually mean movement and new opportunities (16:00)
• Lessons from Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” on living in the present (19:40)
• Letting go of problem-identity and reclaiming your power (21:25)
• Building emotional resilience and self-compassion (29:00–end)

Notable Quotes

• “Catastrophizing happens because your brain is trying to create safety through certainty—even if that certainty is negative.” (5:20)
• “Trauma can confuse fact versus story. The story you tell yourself today is what causes the wound now.” (4:20)
• “It is impossible to have a problem when your attention is placed in the moment.” —Eckhart Tolle (20:50)
• “Setbacks also mean movement. Any new news means new opportunities, new possibilities, new choices for you.” (19:15)
• “There are no problems unless you create them for yourself by taking them on as yours.” (27:00)

Key Takeaways for Alienated Parents

• When bad news hits, your brain’s panic is a normal trauma response—acknowledge it, but don’t let it take over.
• Separate the facts from the stories your mind creates. Write them down to see the difference.
• Use grounding techniques: focus on your body, deep breathing, and the 5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise to return to the present.
• Schedule a specific “worry time” so anxiety doesn’t dominate your day.
• Give equal attention to possible positive and neutral outcomes, not just the worst-case scenario.
• Remember: setbacks often bring new options and movement, even if they feel like the end at first.
• Embrace the present moment—most suffering comes from living in imagined futures, not the now.
• You are not failing if you get triggered; the real skill is pausing, grounding, and choosing your next step with clarity.

Timestamps

• 0:00 – Introduction & why this topic matters
• 3:00 – When panic hits: real-life examples
• 4:20 – Trauma, catastrophizing, and the “doom spiral”
• 8:00 – Grounding techniques for immediate relief
• 10:20 – Scheduling your worry time
• 12:00 – Fact vs. story: cognitive reframes
• 16:00 – Setbacks as movement and opportunity
• 19:40 – Lessons from “The Power of Now”
• 21:25 – Letting go of problem-identity
• 29:00 – Building resilience and self-compassion

• • 32:00 – Closing thoughts & resources