A listener writes in with a question that many people carry quietly (and can often feel ashamed for even thinking)

Does life get more peaceful when they die?

This listener was adopted into a family where love was conditional and pain was reframed as devotion. A father who minimised abuse as “loving too much.” A mother whose behaviour ruined milestones. Public humiliation at her wedding. Health crises used as leverage.

And finally, a breaking point — being told to “fuck off” in front of her eight-year-old daughter, leading her from low contact to no contact.

After years of therapy, anxiety, depression, and recurring dreams about her parents, she asks the question so many adult children of abusive families wonder but rarely say out loud:

Does life get more peaceful when they die?

In this episode, we explore the reality beneath that question — grief without safety, guilt without repair, and what peace actually comes from (and what it doesn’t).

This is an honest conversation about the trauma of adoption, endings, longing, and reclaiming your nervous system when the relationship was never safe to begin with.

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The C.A.L.M Method

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Calmer parenting and a happier home and kids is so much closer than you think

Katie McKenna

Accredited Psychotherapist, Podcast Host, Author

BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

In this episode, we hear from a 44-year-old listener whose role as “the strong one” began far too early. Raised in the 80s as the eldest of four children to unmarried parents, she grew up learning to stay quiet, stay alert, and stay responsible. With a hard-working, emotionally absent, father and a mother she had to tiptoe around, she was placed into the role of parent long before she had the chance to be a child.

Labelled, blamed, and isolated from friends, she became the family scapegoat — the one everything landed on. That early conditioning followed her into adulthood, where she found herself repeating familiar dynamics in an abusive relationship, feeling like a pawn caught between her partner and her mother.

After finding the courage to leave, circumstances led her back into her mother’s home — and today, as she navigates court proceedings, she names the most frightening reality not as the legal battle, but as continued proximity to her mother.

This episode explores scapegoating, parentification, narcissistic abuse, projection, and the deep nervous-system impact of growing up unsafe — as well as what it means to begin reclaiming choice, agency, and self-trust later in life.

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www.callaghancounselling.ie

The C.A.L.M Method

A proven process that will take you from chaos to calm in 6 weeks!

Doors open January 26th - Join the Waitlist today

Calmer parenting and a happier home and kids is so much closer than you think

I can't wait to see you there x

Katie McKenna

Accredited Psychotherapist, Podcast Host, Author

BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast

In this episode, we read a letter from a listener who has spent her life being criticised by her mother — called “stupid,” shamed about her body, and told she was a mistake. When she shared the news of her engagement, her mother ignored her for a week. When she tried to express how hurt she felt, she was accused of “looking for trouble” and acting as if she thought she was better than everyone else.

She’s now considering taking a break from the relationship and is asking a question many adult children quietly carry: Is it okay to step back, even when it’s your mother?
We explore what chronic criticism does to the nervous system, why attempts at repair often get turned back on the child, and how to think about distance or no contact in a way that centres safety, self-trust, and emotional reality — not guilt or obligation.

This episode is for anyone navigating the painful space between longing for a different parent and choosing themselves anyway.

Follow Dr. Ruth Callaghan on TikTok

Follow Dr. Ruth Callaghan on Instagram

www.callaghancounselling.ie

The C.A.L.M Method

A proven process that will take you from chaos to calm in 6 weeks!

Doors open January 26th - Join the Waitlist today

Calmer parenting and a happier home and kids is so much closer than you think

I can't wait to see you there x

Katie McKenna

Accredited Psychotherapist, Podcast Host, Author

BEYOND SURVIVAL - The Therapy Podcast